Advice on planning for a disabled child's needs after the parents have died

[MyBonnyLiesOverTheOcean2020]

A friend of mine has an adult daughter with mild LD. He is looking to get his and his wife's affairs in order. I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to go about this? He's going to contact solicitors local to him. His main concern is to have somebody look after his daughter's best interests. Probably she would have a carer in the house but how can he ensure that the carer, or his relative who might have power of attorney, wouldn't just sell the house and put his daughter into an assisted living environment? There's probably no way of guaranteeing this won't happen but any tips to make it less likely would be appreciated. Thanks.

Can you explain why assisted living would never be appropriate to us? I know some good assisted living places, and although they aren’t right for my DS now, I can perceive that they might be someday. Once your friends are gone, a house sale might be right for their dd.

Thanks OneEpisode. I think it's because currently she wouldn't need assisted living and her parents think that long term she would prefer to stay in her home with a carer and that her needs are such that this solution would work long term. However it's a good point to consider that her needs may change and therefore her accommodation needs may be different too. Thanks.

Just remember that if she is entitled to Any state benefits in particular ESA ( income related benefits)
Any money she get by way of inheritance would most likely wipe out any entitlement to ESA and ESA so it might be worth putting any large amounts of money in trust for her
I think Mencap or MIND have lots of info on this and can give good advice

Thanks very much Im5050.

This is impossible to answer without knowing the needs of the child/surviving relative. If her parents think she would prefer to stay in the family home does this mean they haven’t been able to ask her or she hasn’t been able to articulate a response? Is she able to successfully run a home - pay bills, organise repairs, understand correspondence (with support if necessary). Does she prefer her own company or does she value people round about her to chat? Can she operate a phone, both for emergencies and socialising. How will she cope with the loss of her parents? Does she have a support structure in place that she can access without much assistance?

The fact that there isn’t another family member who has a. offered, and b. who they trust implicitly makes me think the daughter will be left very vulnerable by this situation. Carers can only do so much, and 24 hour care packages are vanishingly rare.

In all honestly 9/10 times it’s far easier for the surviving relative if they are relocate to assisted living while their parents are alive. Then they make friends, get their own routine going, learn some independence, build up that support structure while still being able to visit their parents. And when the death happens their entire world doesn’t shatter at the same time - they still have small amounts of normal to cling to while they grieve.

That’s my opinion as a AHP. Legally it’s complicated if there’s no clear cut surviving guardian.

Thanks very much DivGirl. Can I ask what an AHP is?

@MyBonnyLiesOverTheOcean2020

Thanks very much DivGirl. Can I ask what an AHP is?

Allied Health Professional - I worked with people with learning disabilities so have seen a few similar scenarios play out over the years.

I think the parents need to make Wills that put money and the property into a trust on their death. They can appoint trustees with clear instructions about sale of the property. The benefit of this is that the money will never legally belong to the child so will not affect the entitlement to benefits.

ChelseaBunforme
Explained it better than I tried to 😂

Thank you very much Div, Chelsea and im.

Ds1 is autistic. I have had my Will drawn up in Trust for him. There is a MN who specialises in this -
www.marlowwills.co.uk/

Thanks very much Four . Can I ask what does MN stand for?

Mumsnetter

Providing financially for adult child is relatively.easy if you have money to support that aim. What is far more difficult yet important to do is leave them a secure emotional support network. It is do hard to do. It involves getting the adult child involved in activities outside of the home and some adult children are not keen to do this, but knowing they won't be around for ever smart parents try to do. Does the adult child like to cook? Sign them up to college cook classes with other SN adults. My child with SN enjoys cricket do he is signed up to cricket club and as our child won't ever be able to drive he has made good friends who would give him a lift so he could play cricket for their team. The more links the parents can help the adult child to forge the better quality of life they will have after parents die. Colleges Tim independent living courses and through attending these the adult child gains confidence in doing routine tasks like maki g hot drinks for themselves, microwaving a meal etc. The bonus is they make friends with others on the course and the more friendships they make the stronger support network they build. The good thing is this can be done whilst parents are alive to help them.

Thank you so much caring. Fantastic advice.