Is there any legal protection for my children?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

I know the answer is likely no, but I am asking just in case. I'll give some background in case it is useful.

My other half's ex has made a serious allegation against my children aged 5 and 7. It is malicious - the children are never left alone together as I have always been concerned that the mother may do something like this. Both me and my other half know it has not happened. Social care are investigating, but so far it seems they have no concerns. They seem aware that it is likely malicious.

There is a 3.5 year history of various allegations, an assault (she attacked other half) amongst other things. Social work involvement previously due to the assault on him as child was in his arms. It all went through court, and concluded that there are no safeguarding concerns against my other half. Court ordered contact EOW, one evening a week, half of all school holidays. Mum has spent most of the time trying to circumvent the orders, there have been breaches which have been back to court. The last order was made Feb of this year. At this one he was given split Christmas days. Previous order had been mum to have Christmas day and him to have boxing day. We strongly believe the current allegation is to prevent him having Christmas day. She has been told there are no safeguarding concerns by the social worker who investigated the allegation and that dad can have contact at his own place (he rents a flat so we can keep separate lives when needed). She told the SW she is still refusing contact, and then made another allegation and said that their child had said daddy told her not to tell mummy things. So she intends to breach the order, and does not intend to inform the court herself from what the social worker reported back.

The upshot is, she knows my other half will have to take it back to court, but she also knows it won't be heard before Christmas. So she will get what she wants. There will be no proof that she lied. She can maintain her story.

So, is there any way I can legally protect my children (and me) from this woman? I have had nothing to do with her, do not get involved in any aspects of the coparenting relationship. There is no reason for this animosity. She wants my other half to have minimal contact and will do whatever she can to achieve that. But now my children are becoming her collateral damage.

I just want to get on with my life with my children and my partner. I'm not interested in being in any kind of parenting role to the child. I'm interested in being a decent human, and treating the child with the kindness, caring and respect one would treat another person. I can not understand why she continues in the way she does.

This is very confusing to read. You move between mum, ex, other half, he, she constantly. Maybe go back though and give everyone initials and stick to them?

Also, what’s the question you’re asking? Legally in the UK the age of criminal responsibility is 10 so your children are well below that, regardless of any allegations.

She has accused both your children of doing something to her child?

How can I protect my children and me from allegations made maliciously?

Yes, she has. We don't yet know whether it is the one (7 year old) child, or both. As it's across 2 authorities, they both have differing versions. No clarification has been given yet.

The way to protect your children is to split up from your partner and completely cease all contact.

Your children are very vulnerable here - there could end up being further allegations that could be life altering for them. Even if the allegations are found not proven, there is always the risk of a view being taken that there is no smoke without fire more generally if the mother of the other child starts telling people about this.

Presumably your sons have been interviewed as part of the investigation? That in itself will have the propensity to be very unsettling for them, no matter how sensitively it was handled

It’s a shame for your partner that the mother of his Dc is like this but not your problem. Your priority must be your DC.

If the mother contacts you again post the relationship ending, you can report her to the police and could also look at an injunction. If she makes further allegations about your DC that she knows is untrue, you could look at raising an action for defamation but that would be very costly and would ventilate matters in public The best protection is to totally end the relationship

I had been considering several options. Obviously ending the relationship is one. Maintaining two homes so she is never in contact with my children is another.
I am currently emotionally all over the place. Partner has covid, we are all isolating. So there is that to deal with as well as the malicious allegations.

Once we are well (I'm symptomatic but tested negative) we will need some space to sit and consider the options.

"Even if the allegations are found not proven, there is always the risk of a view being taken that there is no smoke without fire more generally if the mother of the other child starts telling people about this." Sorry, can you expand on this? Who would take the view of no smoke without fire?

Even if the allegations are found not proven, there is always the risk of a view being taken that there is no smoke without fire more generally if the mother of the other child starts telling people about this." Sorry, can you expand on this? Who would take the view of no smoke without fire?

Members of the public. Anyone the ex partner wants to tell. Do you live locally? School parents. Local gossip. Worst case scenario, hinting on Facebook etc

The issue here is that the investigation cannot absolutely disprove that anything happened as presumably it is accepted the children were in contact. You say you know nothing could have happened but are the DC supervised 24 hours a day when together? What about nighttime?

So the finding is most likely to be - at best - that on the balance of probabilities the incidents did not occur. If the ex partner continues to encourage her DC to make disclosure to frustrate contact etc, that could be very problematic. Even if they are historical, they generally need to be investigated which is going to be hugely disruptive and upsetting. Even if the children are entirely separated going forward, there could still be allegations about past contact

The best protection is to split up as it will (a) remove you and your DC from what sounds like a very volatile and toxic situation and (b) going forward, you have a much better, absolute, defence that the children were not together.

That should hopefully stop any further historic allegations too as your DC will not be pawns in this toxic dynamic.

If the OP splits with her partner, her partner's ex will have won. That doesn't mean she shouldn't split but personally I wouldn't go down that path.

@ThisMustBeMyDream - Has your partner asked the court to enforce the order? If not, he should do so given that it sounds like she is repeatedly breaching the order and, so far, hasn't faced any consequences.

You could also consider getting a solicitor to write to her threatening action for libel if she continues to make allegations about your children. Obviously, that won't do anything to cool the temperature, but it sounds like the situation may be beyond that. You may also want to consider taking action for harassment.

If the OP splits with her partner, her partner's ex will have won. That doesn't mean she shouldn't split but personally I wouldn't go down that path.

That is very true but I think the OP's quewtion was what could she do to protect the children. Extracting them from the situation is the best protection

I think a letter would be like petrol on a bonfire. I also think it would not be wise to send anything like this during the investigation - it could look like an attempt to shut it down or otherwise compromise it. These types of disclosures will need to be investigated and it would take a lot of incontrovertible evidence before they are disregarded out of hand as malicious,if ever. I would think there would need to be a court finding as part of proceedings and I don't think that would even completely shut the door

It's a personal judgement but the fall out for the OP's DCs could be very profound

I think a letter would be like petrol on a bonfire. I also think it would not be wise to send anything like this during the investigation - it could look like an attempt to shut it down or otherwise compromise it

I agree it could be petrol on a bonfire, but it may be that the situation has gone beyond that.

For clarity, I wasn't intending to suggest that the OP could stop the mother making allegations to the authorities. She can, however, stop the mother making allegations to others.

She can, however, stop the mother making allegations to others.

She can try to stop the mother. But, unless what others say/know are reported to the OP, she has no way of knowing what is being said behind the children’s back

I think the letter will have very little impact on someone like that. They will just wait for the OP to sue, which she is highly unlikely to do. The other issue is that the ex partner could say she needs to tell others as she needs support during this time etc etc; particularly as a single parent. Feel the negatives of sending a letter outweigh any positives.

Meanwhile the OP’s DC are caught up in this. In the cold light of day, 20 years later, it could be very hard to provide a plausible explanation to your children as to why you continued with a relationship which had caused or allowed serious allegations to be made against them, perhaps repeatedly.

I wouldn't see the children in your situation, but carry on the relationship. Since you have your own place there is no need to right now. Maybe in time things will settle down
My ex has never had the kids on Christmas day. They have their own Christmas traditions with him and his wife on boxing day or the 27th. There is no court order in our case. Sometimes it pays to pick your battles.

Thank you for your detailed responses. I've been struggling to reply as I think I am just in shock now.

@Gobbolinothewitchscat we don't live in the same area (20 miles away). DP sleeps in the same room as her because she will climb in my bed otherwise. So he sleeps on the bottom bunk and she has a small bed next to him. He sits there until the children are asleep, and then leaves. There is a baby monitor on. The opportunity just isn't there. All the children can confirm the arrangements (and already mine did to the social worker). Whether his daughter does remains to be seen.

He hasn't had any contact from the social worker still to discuss the exact allegations and what their plan is going forward (are they staying involved? Doing an assessment? What?!). I think for both of us, we want to navigate this to see how the authorities look upon it. The social worker he did speak to initially brought up the issue of parental alienation to him. Which is novel. It is parental alienation (to us, obviously), but of course he can not say that to a court. I would hope the social worker will put that in any statement to the court, but who knows.

@prh47bridge he had previously enforced and she was told off by the judge. A letter would probably do not an awful lot to be honest, she doesn't much care for authority, or the legal system.

She has been quite careful with her breaches so far, and although she has breached it on multiple occasions, she has tried to have evidence for each one. Eg. A doctors letter which she obtained through lying to the GP. Letter was retracted upon DP discussing with the GP (she lied to GP saying child didn't pass stools in dads care - not true at all!).

He can't enforce until next Tuesday - as he became symptomatic of covid and tested positive just before last weekend when it would have been the breach. He now needs to wait for the next midweek contact next Tuesday before putting in the enforcement. She has told the social worker she intends to breach, but he can presumably not enforce until he has turned up and no contact has been allowed.

I would consider legal action for harassment once the family court/social services part has concluded. Can you tell me a little more about this?

I think the best option would be for neither you or your children not to have any contact with this child. I know it’s unfair but it is the best way to protect you and them

Gobbolinothewitchscat we don't live in the same area (20 miles away). DP sleeps in the same room as her because she will climb in my bed otherwise. So he sleeps on the bottom bunk and she has a small bed next to him. He sits there until the children are asleep, and then leaves. There is a baby monitor on. The opportunity just isn't there. All the children can confirm the arrangements (and already mine did to the social worker). Whether his daughter does remains to be seen.

Not to be argumentative but there is opportunity there as presumably you and your partner are asleep during the night? Not taking it in shifts to sit awake in the room. The DC are also left for a period even before he returns to go to bed in the same room. I think it maybe hard to prove that you one or both of you are constantly monitoring the baby alarm when you are up but not in the room

Given this, I agree that, at a very bare minimum, you and the DC should not see the other DC again. That said, you will still be in the drama triangle, albeit on the periphery

Re an action for harassment, you could raise a civil action. However, I am not convinced that a court would find it was harassing for the mother to report these allegations and ask for them to be investigated. If she continued to do that and there was no basis, then perhaps. However you would need to get advice from a solicitor who can consider all the facts and circumstances.

You could also report it to the police but I cant see the CPS taking this forward as there is a defence to harassment if the person carrying out the act is trying to report/detect a crime which I think would succeed here at this current time. However, again you would need to get legal advice

@Gobbolinothewitchscat, no, we are not awake, however the lay out of the room means that DP would be alerted if anyone woke. He is woken when someone turns in their bed as the beds are noisy. The baby monitor sits in the living room which is the only other room downstairs bar the kitchen. It can be heard from the kitchen anyway. But yes, one of us can always hear it. We could show that to be the case if necessary.

Further developments have occurred. Child was presented to A&E yesterday saying that she had significant pain vaginally and anally by the mother. DP has not been informed of a&e findings. But told by the social worker that she is well. However the Social worker has told DP she finds this presentation suspicious as when examined and spoken to 10 days ago, she reported no pain. Obviously there has been no contact between DP and child in the interim for any new allegations to be made in that respect.

Today it has been cleared up re: the initial allegation. The social worker who visited me from my local authority said the allegation was against both my children. The authority where the child resides named just one of my children as the "culprit" to DP. Today he has been told by the child's local authority that the mother reported that one of my children was the one who did it. But the child when questioned named my other child. So a difference in the story there...

Strategy meeting has been called. Child has been referred to a sexual abuse clinic for further examination.

That's where things are now.

From a professional perspective I would highly recommend maintaining separate lives and only allowing the children to socialise in public eg bowling/park. Whilst you can shield your DCs from these claims while they are young, it will eventually start to affect them. It seems like you have the support of your social worker/s which is good. Everyone wants the best for the children so try and keep channels open with them. Perhaps your DP should maintain a written diary of any interactions with the ex? Apologies if you are already doing this.

Part of the solution would be for your BF to have contact with his daughter without the presence of either you or your children.

As far as the legal side is concerned I'd send the ex a cease and desist letter, following up with harassment proceedings if she fails to comply. For this you'll need to document everything: time, date what was said/written, who witnessed it, and so on.