Has anyone legally changed a child’s name without fathers permission?

[OddshoesOddsocks]

Hi all, I know this will have been asked before but I’m struggling to find much concrete advice on it.

I’ll give some background as I know it’ll affect a courts decision-

DD’s dad has been fully absent from her life for the last 5 years (and largely absent since day 1), he moved abroad last year without telling us (I only found out when maintenance payments stopped and CSS told me that he’s no longer in their durastiction) and we have had no contact from him for years now.

Dd is now 9 and is struggling with her mental health. She has 2 younger sisters who are full siblings and live with both parents (myself and dp) and she feels ‘out of the loop’ and a bit of an extra to the family which breaks my heart.
She is currently double barrelled with my surname and her dads but she has asked if she can add dp’s name to ours and move her dads to be a new middle name

I hope that makes sense!

So rather than be Lucy Jane Green-Brown she’d be Lucy Jane Brown Green-Blue.

(Obviously not her real name!)

She doesn’t want to lose her dads side completely but doesn’t want it at the forefront.

Dp and I are not currently married but hope to start planning a wedding once the COVID situation is more stable. I think this will affect things. We have been together for 8 years and he is, in every other way, her dad.

I have no idea where her dad is, no way to contact him and if I did I don’t think he’d give his consent.
This has come from dd and I genuinely think it’d help with her mental health and her general outlook on life.

Do I have any chance in changing her name without his consent? Do I need a court order to do so? Has anyone any experience?

Thanks in advance!

One of my friends changed their sons name after 7 years of no contact with biological dad, with no permission from him needed.

Mum officially changed the name and signed all the documents right after signing the register at her own wedding with new partner. Like your OH, he'd been dad to little boy virtually his whole life so it was tying it all in as one big ceremony was like the beginning of their "official" journey as a family.

If your DD is feeling a bit left out, can you change the surname with school or anywhere else where it's commonly used without changing it legally? Just so she feels a bit more included until it's official?

Have you looked into step parent parental responsibility as well? That looks a fairly straightforward exercise to give her more stability as well.

One of my friends changed their sons name after 7 years of no contact with biological dad, with no permission from him needed

If the biological father had PR that was probably illegal. To change a child's name you need either the consent of everyone with PR or a court order.

Have you looked into step parent parental responsibility as well

Assuming her daughter's father has PR, the OP needs to marry her partner and get the father's consent to give her partner PR.

Do I have any chance in changing her name without his consent? Do I need a court order to do so?

To change her name legally you either need his consent or a court order. The courts are not keen on allowing one parent to change their child's name without the consent of the other.

I would speak to a solicitor and get a court order. Especially as dad isn’t in the country, this shouldn’t be a problem.

Especially as dad isn’t in the country, this shouldn’t be a problem

The fact that dad isn't in the country may make it more of a problem. The courts may consider it important to keep the child's current surname in order to maintain the link with her father.

I was given my dads name on the birth certificate even though he wasn't named on it. Then I went by two different surnames, each time dropping my fathers then the next one. Sick of all this so as a teenager just went back to using my named on the BC name. Maybe it was different as I went back to the BC name ? I think things seem a lot more difficult now or appear to be. Let her use what name she wants in everyday life. How much official stuff does a child even have?

Meanwhile, as @AnnieMaul suggests, what about changing her 'known as' name at school and anywhere else she goes - dance class, Brownies or whatever. There are a surprising number of children in schools with 'known as' names - we have to be alwrt for them at statutory assessment times.

Maybe it was different as I went back to the BC name

No, it was different because your father wasn't named on the birth certificate and therefore, assuming your parents weren't married, he did not have PR. That meant his consent was not needed for changing your name.

what about changing her 'known as' name at school and anywhere else she goes

This always comes up on these threads. If the school follows official guidance it will refuse to accept a "known as" name or any other form of name change without evidence of the father's consent or an appropriate court order. As it sounds like the father has left the country the OP may get away with it in some other settings but, if the father finds out and takes legal action, the OP may be forced to abandon the "known as" name.

@prh47bridge

Especially as dad isn’t in the country, this shouldn’t be a problem

The fact that dad isn't in the country may make it more of a problem. The courts may consider it important to keep the child's current surname in order to maintain the link with her father.

She’s keeping it as a middle name though.

No you can't. Without a court order.

Even then they will expect you to have made every effort to contact him.

I would get a letter drawn up and a court application to get step father PR -you will need to contact bio father and then of course -get her to ask to change her name etc. £210 court application -what's the worse that can happen? Unless you think it might rekindle a sudden interest.

You need a specific issue order.
To change the name
Give parental rights to your DH -make sure you are married first -but BE CAREFUL. If you give him parental rights and then divorce- guess what ?he has parental rights and could make things VERY difficult.

Show that you have taken reasonable steps to contact him (biological father)-email, letters etc -

Get GP to document her wishes and mental health issues surrounding -you might have to pay for a letter -but a supportive GP letter is worth its weight in Gold.

Alternatively you can insist the school just call her by her "known name" and also provide letter from GP etc to say She is now just Lucy Green and then she can change it formally when she is 16. If her birthday is say September -you can do it the September she turns 16 and then her GCSE certificates etc will all be in the "right name".
But even if abroad -sorry but an hour on facebook should track him down. Ask him to consent to waiving his parental rights and no more maintence etc.
childlawadvice.org.uk/changing-a-childs-surname/

I did, court ordered but I had a whole stack of police records and SS reports of evidence, which sort over overrode his lack of permission!

My son changed his surname at school, doctors etc after a few years of no contact with his dad. Then legally by deed poll at 16. His father will probably never know. Its been 10 years now since he's seen him.

It was very easy, I wrote letters and he just started using the new name.

What's the surname of your other 2 dds and will you drop your maiden name when you marry? Might she feel better to be the same as them and keep her dad's as a middle?
When I was a teenager I chose to ditch my dad's name. My mum re-remarried and took his name so I used it too. Wasn't legal, just 'known as'. All my gcses etc are with my 'known as' name but not much else official happened then.
Anyway mum and new hb divorced so then I went back to my dad's name. Funnily enough when I married I decided to keep it as I feel weirdly connected to it (not him) after going years being known by something else.

I changed my daughters surname legally through deed poll without her fathers permission, he is on the birth certificate and I didn't have to go to court.
I wrote a covering letter to explain the circumstances which included dv and that it was detrimental to make contact and it was allowed. She has a passport in new surname so it is fully legal.

Thank you for all the responses. Great to hear so many experiences and some great advice!

With regards to PR- I was hoping that dp could be given PR but thought that we had to be married first, is this not the case?

With regards to ex giving permission- I know it’s worth a try but I honestly don’t think he would.

Social media wise, I’m pretty sure he’s blocked me on every avenue, he really has no interest in being contacted, he has his new life now!

Just to make it a little more complicated, her ‘known name’ as school, clubs etc is just my name, she asked to drop her dads name years ago. Her sisters are double barred mine and dps names but go by his on a day to day basis. I just wanted to be ‘in there’ after what happened with ex. I know that’s incredibly sad and a bit pathetic but once you’ve been burnt before...

So she’d just like to have dps name added in there but still go by my name day to day. There may seem like little point to some but to her it would mean a lot.

@Nailgirl thank you, that all seems really constructive! I’ll speak to a solicitor tomorrow and see if i can start putting a case together. I am worried that contacting him will rekindle something which tbh dd would probably quite like but she wants the fairytale (like they do) and I’m afraid that the reality would be very different. I’d never stop her contacting him though if that’s what she wanted.

Thanks again everyone, I’ll keep you posted!

Maybe it would have been easier for all your children to just have your name.

Again if you want to give your DP responsibility (PR) you would need to show contact or attempts to contact Bio Father to gain his consent.

With regards to contact, you could look at linkedin etc or google his name in the area in Spain or whereever you think he is or his brother or sister or something.

If you have letters from the CMS to say he has moved abroad or whatever that would help and proof you have sent 2 recorded delivery signed for letters to his last two addresses etc.

That would "be reasonable".