Hi, feeling very stressed today and was hoping someone might have some advice.
My DDs father seems to have had a mental health crisis in the last few months, and I've ended up stopping all contact. He left us when she was a toddler and has been in and out of her life ever since, child support has been very inconsistent too. Hes been in and out of work and travelled a lot. She loves him but sees him more as a fun uncle rather than any kind of parent role - she certainly doesn't trust or respect him at all due to his behaviour over the years and letting her down. I've tried hard to maintain their relationship such as putting his name on Christmas presents the year he was in Thailand and 'forgot' but as shes got older she is now seeing him for what he is.
So since the summer he has become more and more paranoid (heavy weed smoker) and obsessed over conspiracy theories, mostly relating to paedophilia and covid. I reduced contact initially, then allowed his mum to supervise, then agreed only to 2m apart contact supervised by me, and now I've had to stop entirely. Hes taken to ranting at her about his theories, shouting at her for things like curling her hair or wearing slightly cropped t-shirt, telling her paedophiles will be after her all the time. He also won't let her wear a mask or use hand sanitiser when shes with him, and has gone on and on about how she cant listen to me/her teachers/her family/the law because were all either brainwashed or in on the evil conspiracy. Covid isn't real etc Hes made a lot of racist comments as well and talks a lot about Trump fighting the devil which she finds upsetting. It got to the point where she was coming home upset every time she saw him or calling me asking to be picked up, and the last few times when I let him come here he was very erratic, shouting and ranting, calling me names and banging on the door once I stopped the visit. Both times she ended up very distressed and after the most recent one I'm done trying, we both are.
He has now stopped her child support and said he wont pay another penny until I let him see her without restrictions (ie asking him not to upset her with all the paedophile talk and to wear a mask if they're in indoor public places - he made a scene in Starbucks over this and she was mortified).
I've told him he can arrange mediation or take me to court, until then we are done trying with him. But now I'm worried sick about what that would involve. Would court insist on unsupervised contact? Would it be distressing for her? Would she have to make a statement against her dad or say to his face she doesnt want to see him?
Shes 11 and at the moment doesnt want any contact with him, although she still loves him a lot and is sad about it. When I ask her she says she wants him to get better so she can see him, and wants her real dad back. I'm looking into counselling for her at the moment.
TIA for any advice, sorry its so long.