Child Arrangement Order/Residence

[letsnotscaretheneighbours]

I cannot go into too much detail on here in case someone recognises the situation, but generically this is the situation.

Person A has residence of a child.

Person A lives with a partner.
Person B is the other parent of the child and lives 200 miles away with their spouse (used to have residence of the child when they lived nearer)

Person B receives an 'out of the blue' message from the partner of Person A advising that they are going to leave Person A because of their abusive behaviour towards them and the child and that there is no way they could leave the child in Person A's care when they do.

Person B two days later receives a call from social services asking intrusive questions about Person A.

Person B is now extremely worried about the welfare of their child and is considering their options as Person A has a child arrangement order giving them residence and Person B cannot afford to take Person A to court for residence.

Is there anything Person B can do other than find the cash to go to court?

They could tell social services they want to be involved with offering respite or full time care.

Maybe a good time to get back in contact with their kid! How old is DC?

They are in regular contact with their child via phone/message and face to face. DC is 11.

The 'out of the blue' comment was because Person A has previously told their partner that they must not have any contact with Person B.

FYI there were no untoward reasons why Person A got residence over Person B it was just that Person A was looking after the DC for a short period whilst Person B had to move.

What do social services say? What does the child's school say? What does the child say? How does the child appear when person B has contact? Does person B have any evidence that the child is being neglected?

Person B can apply to court for a few £100 so money shouldn't be an obstacle. The court will order a welfare report which should include feedback from A's ex partner and social services.

@titchy

What do social services say? What does the child's school say? What does the child say? How does the child appear when person B has contact? Does person B have any evidence that the child is being neglected?

Social services have only got involved in the last 2 days. Person B was called by them in that time frame. According to Person B they are concerned about coercive control of the child by Person A and emotional abuse.

Yes, there is evidence.

The school have, so far, not been contacted as far as Person B is aware but they believe SS are due to do so. Person B due to be contacted by SS again in the next few days.

The child is a shadow of their former self. Has lost all confidence. School work is suffering. They are frightened to make a decision for themselves. When Person B has contact it is for prolonged periods of time. It takes about a week for the child to realise they have some autonomy and to relax. Where their constant words are 'Person A would not let me do this, Person A would shout at me for this, I'm not allowed x,y,z' - I would go into detail but it is very outing for the parties involved and it is very mundane stuff that a normal 11 year old should be able to do.

Not sure 'neglect' is the right word. Emotionally abusive and controlling definitely is.

Parent B has contact at Christmas for a prolonged period. They are considering lodging an emergency child arrangement order at this time as they feel this is the safest time to do so during their normal contact period so no suspicion is aroused and Person A doesn't prevent contact.

Person B is waiting for SS to contact them again. They have contacted their legal representative who has advised them that getting the child extricated will not be easy due to the existing child arrangement order and to wait for SS. They also advised if it is going to happen it needs to happen before the child starts secondary next year.

@letsnotscaretheneighbours

Person B is waiting for SS to contact them again. They have contacted their legal representative who has advised them that getting the child extricated will not be easy due to the existing child arrangement order and to wait for SS. They also advised if it is going to happen it needs to happen before the child starts secondary next year.

Wait for SS to do what? They can't overrule a court order. They will just put the wind up person A. Person B needs better advice IMO.

2 solicitors have said that Person B has to wait for SS to be in contact regarding the alleged emotional abuse of the child from Person A. If this is not the case then what does Person B do.

Sounds to me as ex partner of person A is vindictive and made some allegations because they split up.

Why is Person B not speaking to Person A about this concern and took it to solicitors? SS have a duty to follow up any reports but I wouldn't jump to conclusions.If they access a welfare risk, they act immediately and involve police too.

Courts like to see attempts to resolve any matters relating to children in alternative way to court.

Best thing is to bring this up in mediation or directly with Person A.

Seems there is a back story that you are not aware.

@notrachel there is a back story that I know about, but cannot go into detail as it would be very outing for the people concerned. Just believe me when I say Person A's M.O. is as been described by the ex.

Person B has not spoken to Person A because Person A would take it out on the ex (separated living in the same house now). They have spoken to solicitors since this thread who have advised them that proving coercive control and emotional abuse is very difficult and that as they live so far away it would be very difficult to change where the child lives.

Person B does have the child at Christmas, so is going to see how the child is for themselves at that point.

Moved out with DD 3 weeks ago to a new rental property WITHOUT partner’s prior knowledge.
Background: together 10 years, not married. Adopted DD 4.5 years ago.
I have been primary carer, along with working part time.
He has his own business.
Relationship irretrievably broken down due to his financial and physical abuse towards me.
Financial abuse: gave him £70k to invest in his business. No contract of this between us - gave to him in good faith. He has run up debts of £?k across credit cards that are solely in my name. He repeatedly refused to listen to my concerns regarding the level of debt - for years I heard “in 6 months we will be rolling in it”.
Physical abuse - he has shouted in my face, called me a fucking bitch, refused to let me leave a room and pushed / shoved me over leaving scratches on my breast (I have photographic evidence but did not file a complaint with authorities). DD witnessed the latter and has told people “daddy pushed mummy”. These are the reasons why I left without telling him.
He now wants 50/50 contact minimum. I do not agree with this as I have been her primary carer. I understand that he has parental rights but these are different to being primary carer aren’t they?
Please advise me:
Would a court give him 50/50 contact when he hasn’t been doing 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination so far?
He is messaging me saying that it is in DD’s best interests to see her dad as much as she always has and that I have been bang out of order disrupting her routine by taking her away from him. He is suggesting access from Friday after school til Monday morning on alternate weekends, along with two nights a week. He is saying that he will reduce his working hours and involve his parents in the childcare to facilitate this. How can this be fair when I have done the bulk of the childcare up to this point. The cheek of him.
He is talking about applying for a Childcare Arrangement Order via mediation and court if I do not agree.
He is incredibly articulate and he has always made me feel stupid when I have raised issues with him as he makes me emotional and a quivering wreck (he doesn’t necessarily shout but he always seems to turn it around to being my fault).
I have no money for court.
Thank you for reading and any help is gratefully received.

I would be pushing social care hard to see what they were doing to investigate and ensure my child’s safety.

You don’t need to have legal representation to go to court re family matters. Obviously it helps but you can do it without and there are some online guides that help explain some of the process.

@AlmostOver45 you need to start your own thread to get advice.