Assumption of shared care

[JohnnyMarr]

Hi, I'm having an absolute nightmare with the CMS and my feckless ex and wondered whether anyone could offer any advice.

In a nutshell my ex husband is purporting to have Band A shared care of my son, when in fact he has had him for a total of 20 nights over the course of the last year. Every time I dispute this the CMS ask for "evidence", and I'm not sure how I can realistically provide this, or in fact why the onus should be on me to provide it rather than him?

I seem to be going around in never ending circles of Mandatory Reconsiderations which never come to the conclusion of a tribunal and am completely at the end of my tether with his duplicity and their abject incompetence, but it appears that the easiest option for them is just to assume shared care where there is none.

Any pointers on how best to proceed would be hugely appreciated.

I just wondered do you have any messages to back up when he has had child? Any written info at all? Texts, Facebook, email etc. Any written communication where you questioned his view of shared care and his answer. If you have anything like that I would use it as your evidence. Maybe write out specifically what dates ex has had child (and for how long) in that 12 months period - add it up.

I would from now on ensure everything is done in writing. Anything verbally agreed back up even if just a simple text to say "Just confirming you are picking up son friday at 6pm and due back saturday at 11am. Cheers". Or "Just clarifying conversation earlier, that you would like son on 14th/15th/16th of the up coming half term. That is fine with me. Cheers".

I don't have any better advice on proving no shared care but maybe someone else will.

Thanks for the advice @Lizadork The problem is I have very little in writing as he arranges what little contact there is directly with DS - I've had to cut contact for the sake of my own sanity. I've sent them copies of the few emails I do have where he acknowledges DS isn't keen to go as often any more (he's been ousted from "his" room by a new baby and essentially just wants to be able to hang out with his friends at the weekend now he's older) but this evidence doesn't appear to be solid enough and hence they simply disregard it.

The whole saga is just incredibly exasperating and to add insult to injury it's literally impossible to talk to anyone at the CMS, god forbid the same person twice! All I'm asking is that he should pay the bare legal minimum but their assumption of shared care is basically the difference in me struggling to pay the mortgage or not and to add insult to injury he's earning more in a week than I earn in two months (despite working 40 hours a week!) so it's not as if he's strapped for cash!

Have you submitted a calendar showing the exact dates he had overnight?

By evidence, they mean anything you can compile. It will be for the judge to decide if all together it amounts to evidence.

Start with a calendar with dates. Add if you've taken him to places that evening/morning.

Could you show your week shopping bill that would show that it amounts to shopping that includes him. Not great science of course, but it's about building an overall picture.

Written confirmation that you've booked every parents evening and only you went?

Any receipt that would show you've taken him shipping after school? Receipt of school uniform Pictures of his room at yours etc...

He will most likely be asked the same.

Eventually if they don't listen to what you are saying about how your son splits his time it will have to be referred to the independent tribunal service.

If your son is old enough to be organising these visits himself could he write a letter stating how often he sees his father? Or does he have messaged you could submit from his dad

@goingtouni

If your son is old enough to be organising these visits himself could he write a letter stating how often he sees his father? Or does he have messaged you could submit from his dad

It's suggestions like this that make things far worse. For the avoidance of doubt, NEVER get the child involved.

If your son is arranging via text or email, you can submit those as records.

Thanks so much for all the advice. I've kept records of when ex has had DS and submitted the dates, DS and he ordinarily arrange via messenger, but the problem is that it's normally just "I'll pick you up on x date" and so no real confirmation of how long he's had him for.

After I sent them the dates they recalculated in my favour, but ex has immediately disputed (he is genuinely nowhere even approaching the lower parameters of Band A ) and so it goes on. I'm perfectly prepared to go to tribunal but he just appears to be able to chance his arm and have things fall in his favour before we ever reach this point. It's draining and stressful and ultimately he's fraudulently withholding money from his own children which is clearly not in their best interest.