Declaration of Trust for stay at home mum

[Singlemum90]

hello So DP and I are in the middle of purchasing our forever house. Yay! However, I am not on the mortgage as mortgage broker said old defaults from when I was a single parent would make it hard to get a mortgage, and DP has good credit rating so is getting a good rate.

I am currently a stay at home parent as DP earns very well so we are comfortable without the need for me to work, but more importantly because when I went back to work after our youngest was born the childcare for the children was more than my salary, so I had no choice really but to quit to be a stay at home parent. (it was a good profession that took a long time to train for, but I was only at the beginning where pay is pretty poor)

So I am concerned as we are not yet married what would happen if we did for some reason split or one of us died. (We are getting married but it has been postponed due to covid for more than a year away.)

The solicitor has suggested a declaration of trust in the event something was to happen before we do get married. But what should it stipulate? DP is taking equity from his old house which he sold as well as savings since we have been together, for a deposit of about 60k. We do refer to this as 'our savings' but as I havent been working is really technically his money, especially the money that came from the sale of his old house.

My fear is that if something was to happen I would be left homeless without a leg to stand on with 3 children I would likely be the primary carer of. I would be screwed. Hence wanting a deed of trust- some financial and legal protection that I couldnt end up on the street baisically. I was massively burned financially at the end of my previous relationship and want to protect myself and my children without 'screwing over' my DP who works very hard and supports us very well. We both see it as our money, and it will be our family home. BUT I am also well aware things said now mean nothing legally if we split.

What would the normal split be for a house for a stay at home parent? I will eventually go back to work when youngest starts school but it is unlikely I will ever earn nearly what my successful DP does. And its only the next year of when we are unmarried that really worries me anyway.

Sorry for the huge thing, just wanted to give as much info as possible!

So what split should we put on the declaration of trust?? Do stay at home parents normally own nothing of the family home? 50:50? Should we be taking into consideration how much came from his own sold house that he had before me?

Thank you in advance, any advice would be great!

I would think that as you would have been married now anyway if not for covid that your partner is comfortable with the house becoming an asset of the marriage so I think 50-50 could be a good starting point to discuss with him. if he's unwilling to put anything in your name I would question this motivation as if you marry in a year it would likely be up to the courts if you divorced and he wanted to keep everything.
Also try not to think of it as his money; if you had left and not taken the kids and just paid minimum maintenance or had passed away he would have had a huge cost for childcare (and housework and literally anything else you do at home). Your role has added value and enabled him to work full time with minimal costs; just because you've not had a wage doesn't mean all the money is his.
if you are worried though you should see a solicitor to make sure you're in the best position

I would work if I were you. For a short period of time childcare fees do exceed salary, but these fees are shared with each partner paying a fair share. This means you would have your own money and be making steps towards increasing your earning power rather than trying to enter the workforce at the bottom still and after a prolonged break. Working is the best way to protect yourself financially. What if your dp was made redundant or was off long term sick? Always good to have 2 incomes, look at all childcare options, factor in tax free childcare and free hours kick in quickly.

Thank you @sophinwonderland for the advice! I will discuss 50:50 with DP and see what he thinks. Just wanted to know really what a reasonable split was or if anyone in a similar situation could offer advice on what they did.

Thanks hohofortherobbers, I did not take the decision to leave work lightly and sat down with DP and looked at childcare options, finances and the impact on my career long term. Without going into a whole lot of detail, there are many reasons working right now just doesnt make sense. It is a temporary solution until the youngest goes to school, but I absolutely get your point about it being the best form of security. I have always worked and supported myself so leaving work was not easy.

The most straightforward thing to do would be to get a slot at your local register office, turn up with two witnesses and get married.

Have you each made wills leaving everything to the other ? And set up POA for each other, both property and finance and the health and welfare kind ?

www.marlowwills.co.uk MN's own Mumblechum0 did a great job for us.

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

If you have those things in place, you are covered in the event one or other if you dies. I'm honestly not sure what a deed of trust would do in the event of a split, other than protect his assists from you.

Honestly, don't wait for the big party, just get married. No need to tell anyone. You can have a surprise anniversary party in due course. Much more fun. All the best.