Legal advise on returning to the UK with my child.

[Snowoctopus]

I am living overseas with my partner and child. The relationship is not going well and I am unsure if it can be repaired at this stage... he has been very controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive.
I cannot remain here if the relationship ends and it seems that my only option will be return to the UK with my 3 year old son.
Where do I stand legally if I do this? Ideally I’d like my partner to move back too and be involved in our son’s life but I fear that he will launch an international custody battle and ultimately remove my son from
me. If it’s relevant I’ve been the main carer since birth. The last thing that I want to do is to take my wee boy away from his Dad but it’s getting so bad that I feel I am left with no choice.
My visa will be invalid if the relationship ends... I cannot stay here with him any more. It’s so toxic.

Sunbunny that is what I am afraid of and I cannot risk that happening so I need to find another way! Your poor friend, she must have been devastated. May I ask what happened? Did the child remain with the father in the longer term?

She is in the UK and the child is in NZ till she is legally old enough to make a decision herself. Precovid she would fly over and pick her up and bring her back to the uk then fly back and drop her back. It must be close to 10 years at this stage. Father has made it very difficult to keep in touch but the child is old enough now to be able to see through a lot of his bullshit.

I would do a google search re Hague convention and and women stranded with their children and you should find people a lot more knowledgeable and able to support and advise you.

Document the abuse. Does NZ have a law against coercive control, as here in the UK?

Are you married?

We are not married. I will
find out about coercive control laws and will seek legal advice tomorrow. I really appreciate all of your help.

New Zealand is the worst country ever for this. See if you can find a reason that greatly benefits him to come back even if you have to make something up. Seriously. There should be warnings about marrying New Zealand men. They always want to go home at some point and if you give in that's it. Your children are there forever unless he expressly agrees they don't have to be. Which of course they never do.

Sorry I mean being with, not married. It's all the same there.

There's been some appallingly bad advice on this thread (and much good advice).

You absolutely must not fabricate a family illness and not return. That is a quickest way to being hauled before a High Court judge and forced to return your child. If NZ has similar laws to here you'd also be committing an offence of child abduction.

It was mentioned by @sunbunnydownunder that in the case she refers to the child had to return because it was felt that the less suitable father, being a Kiwi, should look after the child. That is absolutely not what the courts here would do.

The courts in the UK would order the return of the child. You would return with the child and face the music, but would be able to apply to court for permission to relocate back to the UK. I have no idea what the NZ courts are like on these decisions.

For those complaining that the mother's rights are trampled on - the court acts in the best interests of the child not either parent. In child abduction cases policy is that the best interests of children as a whole are served by the regular making of peremptory orders for return, so as to discourage abduction and encourage parents to seek judicial permission before they make a unilateral decision to take the child permanently out of the country.

I lived in Australia for two decades and know a fair few women who are stuck there as their relationships broke down.

Part of the problem is that nobody there can see it's even possible that anyone's life could be better anywhere other than Australia.

However, as far as I know, Australia has extremely nationalistic laws about this. If a child has an Australian parent, the child is always assumed to be Australian, and the Family Court courts WILL NEVER allow the child to be relocated internationally. If the child is born in Australia, even with dual nationality, the Family Court regards that child as ONLY Australian - regardless of any other legal citizenship.

I imagine NZ is very similar (their laws often align, as they're close neighbours).

It's one of the reasons I left an Australian partner - I knew I would at some point have to relocate to Australia if I wanted to see any children we had.

And NZ is an incredibly patriarchal country ...