Ex has our kids and won't let me see them as often as I want

[lockhillswater]

My ex recently decided the children were better off living with him. We have 3 under 7. The only reason was that I'd met someone new and he didn't like it. (I did not cheat by the way we had been apart for years) I brought up the kids by myself till then, but now he says they want to live with him and that's what's happening. I have been seeing them once or twice a week, he won't let me have them anymore than that. I miss them obviously and this isn't what I want. He's not a particularly nice person, but he is a good dad in the sense I know they are safe and loved. I don't want to take them off him, I want them 50/50 at least. I'm struggling so much not having them.

My question is, I'm on a low income, I get some benefit as a top up. I want to go to court to get more access to my children, but I genuinely can't afford it. I've been told legal aid is not available anymore unless domestic abuse is involved. I don't know what to do. Is there any financial help I can get?

It costs £215 you can represent yourself and there are sites to get free advice, Gingerbread might be a good starting point.They will definitely be able to point you towards other help.

OP, I’d suggest doing a post in Relationships. Sounds like there might be other things going on and there’s lots of really helpful advice and people who’ve been through similar who can give you support.

Kids under 7 don't get to decide where they live OP. Please speak with someone

Pay the £215 as mentioned above by PP and represent yourself, children don't get to have a say until 12+ But the judge will want to keep the status quo the same so you need to fill in the forms ASAP. Your ex doesn't just get to decide where they live or to dictate as and when you see them. As for new relationships he doesn't need to know unless that person is moving in, then I'd mention it as common courtesy and nothing more.

Abuse does not need to be physical
Punishing you AND the kids because you have a boyfriend IS abuse

Thank you, we are past being able to sort anything ourselves, ive told him I want the kids more, he says no... so I feel like court is my only choice. I'll look into representing myself but I'm quite anxious about that, is it difficult? Does anyone know what the process is?

Why did you allow such young children to decide where they want to live ?

I haven't, but what am I supposed to do if their dad has them? Kidnap them? I don't agree they should decide where they live, hence why I want to go to court!

Was there a legal agreement drawn up when you separated? If so what was the arrangement? Although not impossible it would be unusual for a mother not to be awarded custody .
My DGS’s father once refused to return DGS so DD called the police who returned DGS .

Could you refuse to return them next time you have them and file a court application for a child arrangements order. Judges are sympathetic and helpful to parents representing themselves, it's very common.

What is it about your new partner he doesn’t like ?

This doesn’t sound straightforward to me tbh.

Firstly, what is it about your new partner he doesn’t like? It’s easy to say on the face of it that he’s in the wrong, but there could be a legitimate reason why he feels the DC would be better off with him.

Also, you have a part to play here. He said the kids would be better off with him so you just handed them over? Why?

Unless there is a valid reason why you should take over primary residency I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as the judge awarding you residency, given you gave up the DC willingly as soon as another man came into your life. That’s how it will look to the courts anyway.

As for the poster who suggested refusing to return the DC, please don’t do this, as the courts will look on it very unfavourably.

You need to take some legal advice, but people really aren’t in a position to give accurate advice on here based on the few details you’ve given, as we don’t know the full facts.

My exh played God like this. Court. Got 50 /50...

I had my previous reply deleted, as I don’t think I gave you good advice on reflection.
I know you say you can’t afford it, but you need proper legal advice.

There was never a legal agreement. When we split I had them during the week, him weekends. I met someone else, and there's nothing wrong with him, just ex wanted me back so didn't like it, simple as that! If there was more to it I'd say so, genuinely isn't. Ex likes to play god.

I didn't willingly give up my children at all. He decided one day they were better with him and that was that, it was only a month ago, I was hoping he would back down and things would go back to how they were but it's not happened. I have been seeing them, he allows me to have them 2 nights normally 🙄. I did try a couple weeks ago to keep them myself, it ended badly, police were involved due to him walking into my home, he took them. The police told me I needed to get a court order in place which is what I'm asking advice on. They said as they are his children he can keep them, take them and nothing can be done without a court order. He was given a warning for walking into my home though. I don't want to do that again, as it understandably upset the kids.

He was abusive to me, always has been, didn't want to mention it really as I felt wasn't relevant, this is about my kids and what's best for them it's not about me or him. He shouldn't be deciding when I can see my kids, it's killing me!

So there is abuse? you may well get legal aid. You need to be looking around online, I mentioned gingerbread but heres some others to look at
www.ncdv.org.uk/legal-aid/
childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/legal-aid-for-family-law-matters/

You need to be looking for advice in other places plenty of sites are law based. I think you are likely to get some help

It is relevant, if there's abuse you get help.

You need to get to a court ASAP.

Speak to a solicitor or CAB (or gingerbread if you have one locally). There is abuse so you might be eligible for legal aid, but as others have said you can self represent and there are plenty of sites where you cam get help on it.

Document everything, build a diary of every time he refuses to let you have access, every bit of abuse etc.

However, please don't take this the wrong way, but it does sound like there is more to this than you are saying

There isn't any more to it whatsoever. He likes to be in control, really is nothing more to it. I have 4 separate police reports of his abuse, Not sure if that's enough evidence for legal aid as was told it wasn't.

Thanks for the advice everyone I'll look into everything

@lockhillswater you need to apply for a child arrangements order ASAP. Usually you are required to have gone to a MIAM (mediation) first but if there has been domestic abuse then this requirement is waived. You need to speak to women's aid to see if you qualify for this waive plus legal aid, and they can give you some legal advice.

Keep records, act fast because you don't want them living with him long and the judge choosing to leave them with him to keep the status quo.