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Legal matters

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Original poster

Cao. ILL child who looks after.

22 replies

GladToBeHome20 · 13/09/2020 20:27

Cao. On nrp weekend is collect from sch on Fri. Return to sch Mon.

Child has become unwell now
Nrp thinks its their responsibility to care for the child until end of school day when RP would normally collect from school.

RP wants child back to send to Grandparents if off ill from school so they can work.

Nrp view is., if it was a Friday. The RP cares for ill child until end of school hours.

Nrp thinks it's unfair on the child to make them get up and out the house by 7 45 just to go home and be sent to GPs house.

RP has form of trying to control. All through lockdown was the same.

NRP just wants to do right by the child.

OP posts:

Changedmynamelots · 13/09/2020 20:32

So stay home with nrp until end of day or go to grandparents for the day when RP would collect?
RP wants them to go to grandparents in the am?
For me if you are poorly you’d want to stay home with a parent and have cuddles ideally, if no solution then it would be grandparents.

There is the option of staying home so for me that sounds ideal. Then back to RP at
The end of the day

RedHelenB · 13/09/2020 20:32

Personally I think parents should be number 1 call in these situations. Legally I suppose if there is a court order then that needs to be adhered to.

Changedmynamelots · 13/09/2020 20:33

Does the child arrangement order have a clause for illness?

Akire · 13/09/2020 20:37

It doesn’t make a difference to the RP if the child stays with them for extra few hours surely. The child would probable be better off having a lay in. It’s only a few hours. Grandparents may well have to look after child on the next school day anyway.

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 13/09/2020 20:40

No Claus for illness.
DH is the NRP.
All contact to be via email, for a good reason, although the RP often tries other ways

During lockdown she insisted home. By schhol. Hours 8.40. Her reason was home schooling. Which could have been done here with the other DCs. But she wouldn't give us the work.

Fwiw. Dh has had to fight tooth and nail and go via court as she used the dc as a weapon. Thankfully we had a paper trail. And when the judge asked dh what he wanted. She shouted. That's not happening. Well the judge didn't take kindly to that and said I'm the judge. I decide that and awarded it. In every part she's found loop Holes in the way in which things are worded. And dh has returned many times to get them amended.
We just can't be dealing with games and want what's best for the dc.

OP posts:

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 13/09/2020 20:41

Exactly PP. It's about control though unfortunately.

OP posts:

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 13/09/2020 20:44

I just wanted to know what the normal protocol would be.

DH said of dc is still ill in the morning. To send an email stating she's not going to school. He is going to care for her as it's better than being rushed around and to be able to go to bed in her own bed. And will be returned at end of school day or when the mum finishes work.

OP posts:

shesgonebatshitagain · 13/09/2020 20:45

Is this about your husbands ex wife or the child?
If the CAO does not stipulate and ordinarily the child would be at school then you might have a fight on your hands as she is the RP.

If the child was ill and your DH was at work would he expect the mother to deal with it as RP?

ButteryPuffin · 13/09/2020 20:45

I'd keep them with NRP and say they will be delivered to grandparents' house at end of school day time. Can't see why it makes any difference when the RP will presumably be going to work anyway.

drspouse · 13/09/2020 20:47

Hate to throw a cat in the pigeons here but what kind of illness? If it's possible COVID who will be supervising self isolation?

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 13/09/2020 21:24

Not covid. Did the checker online.
Yes he'd more than happily take time off if she was ill any day of the week. In lockdown he was off she wasn't he offered her to keep dc. She said no and sent to gps

OP posts:

YoBeaches · 14/09/2020 09:46

I think normal protocol is if one parent can look after the child then they should/would. It's very controlling and bitter for the resident parent to refuse this and put the sick child with the GP instead.

Both parents still have parental responsibility.

Poor child.

What happened in the end?

AuntieStella · 14/09/2020 10:02

The right thing, from the POV of the DC, is to be nursed through the period of illness with minimal disruption.

The DC cannot go to school, so needs to be cared for until the time the RP would nirmally collect from school.

Assuming the school would call the RP if the DC had fallen ill during the school day, then the solution would have been for the GPs to take over care. That can still happen, and so you can make DC available for GPs to collect (or you could deliver)

Moving the DC twice, to other home and then onwards to GPs is unnecessary disruption

shesgonebatshitagain · 14/09/2020 12:12

@AuntieStella

The right thing, from the POV of the DC, is to be nursed through the period of illness with minimal disruption.

The DC cannot go to school, so needs to be cared for until the time the RP would nirmally collect from school.

Moving the DC twice, to other home and then onwards to GPs is unnecessary disruption

Yes I think the school would in the first instance call the resident parent

If my children were poorly at school then the school know I am the RP and the Primary Carer. They would call me first and if able to speak to me they would make arrangements directly with me
Of course their father has PR but they would only contact him if they couldn’t reach me. He would not be the default.

As the RP it is up to them what they decide if they are contacted and consulted. If they want to leave the child in the care of their grandparents then that is their choice.

A CAO will make the times and days clear.

That’s not to say it isn’t peevish to allow fro some flexibility but if she is the RP then she is responsible for day to day parenting and decisions about things like this as a general principle

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 14/09/2020 16:29

Went to school.
Took child to office and checked was all OK to go. They said yes.
They then said the RP had gone in and removed dh from the contacts list for emergency and school updates and homework pages.

Fingers crossed dsc feels better soon as loves school so wouldn't want to miss out.

OP posts:

drspouse · 14/09/2020 16:39

Do you mean you dropped off at school at the end of the day because that's where the DC is normally picked up, even though they are ill?

shesgonebatshitagain · 14/09/2020 16:45

That update is confusing
Did you take an ill child to school because that’s the venue for hand overs during the week?

What is the matter with the child that they were not well enough for school but I live been there today as have they?

A school would not remove someone with PR from sources of information about their child because another party with PR had an issue with it.
They would only remove if that person was stripped of PR of the person could remove themselves.

Something about this doesn’t make sense

shesgonebatshitagain · 14/09/2020 16:46

Sorry for obvious typos

Akire · 14/09/2020 16:48

Agree the fathers still has rights about getting school reports if they have PR and no child protection issues. Sounds like done it out of spite because they had extra hour with NRP in the morning and got dropped off at school not 7.45 to GP!

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 14/09/2020 22:27

Sorry was trying to type quick earlier.
In honest truth the RP said to change the contact details to her parents as they live closer! The school did it unknowingly that it was to be controlling.
DH had this confirmed by the office. He's now back in the system.

Yes the child went to school . Dh asked at the office. The child requested and had no temp or any of the 3 main covid symptoms . This morning was just snuffly still. The office said there's loads with a cold and it's difficult due to the current situation.

He has emailed court to clarify what the process should be should similar situations ever arise.
If it means another hearing then that's fine as unfortunately it needs to be in black and white so no loopholes found

Thanks for your help. Main thing is dsc felt well enough to go to school.

OP posts:

shesgonebatshitagain · 14/09/2020 23:10

Glad the child is ok

In terms of loopholes well a properly drafted CAO is supposed to prevent that

If a NRP has a child from 4pm on a Friday to 6pm on a Sunday and say from 4 pm one night in the week until the next day then the end of the next day will be seen as when they go to school or nursery.

There isn’t a loophole
It’s a question of parents working together to facilitate what is best for the child or unfortunately being bound by a court document.

If your DH has something similar worded as above or similar then legally his jurisdiction under the CAO ends as it’s expressed and sealed by the Court.

If a RP is named and identified by consent or otherwise on a CAO then they are the person with general day to day decision making and responsibility.

Original poster

GladToBeHome20 · 15/09/2020 15:03

Perfect thank you for clarification on that. We wish everyone could work together but unfortunately that's not possible which is so frustrating.

Where as my ex and I have say in everything for our ds. We agree 99% of the time, whether that's illness, school trips, school work or behaviour. Only thing he's a bit hit and miss on is finances. But that's it

OP posts:

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