Backdated Child Maintenance

[Raintonrebel]

Hi all

Some advice please (for a friend, it really is... not for me).
without going into too much detail she lost contact with her son for a number of years as her ex basically kept hold of him and pretty much brainwashed him into thinking his mum was a bad person. Roll on 5 years and mum has the son back, and has now lodged a claim for maintenance from the ex.

she never paid anything towards his upkeep when she didn't see him (she apparently text the ex numerous times to see if the son needed anything but cos the ex had her number blocked she assumes he wont have received them) and he never claimed CSA against her.

My question: Can the ex now claim for all the years he had their son and she never paid anything. She has checked the CSA/CMS website and I know they only take current claims, but is there anything he can do? She is now worried sick she is going to be left financially in a hole if he starts something, which he probably would just to be awkward.

no, its only backdated about 6 weeks from the claim date.

@HuckfromScandal

no, its only backdated about 6 weeks from the claim date.

Thanks. I don't think he would ever pay for a solicitor but could he claim it privately, take her to court etc? I hope not cos I'm not sure how she would deal with that, she is extremely fragile at the mo (hence I am trying to get some info for her).

No he cannot take her to court for child maintenance.

No he can’t take her to court.

This is reassuring - thank you

I hope not cos I'm not sure how she would deal with that, she is extremely fragile at the mo (hence I am trying to get some info for her)
No he can't, but morally, she is really shameless. If she really wanted to pay but couldn't because she couldn't get hold of him (which she clearly did in the end if she has the child back), why didn't she put the money aside to pay him back now?

Sorry but I find her intention to claim from him whilst hoping she doesn't have to pay her part immoral. One day her child will know all about it...

@dontdisturbmenow
Part of me agrees with you, and I have pretty much told her as much, but there is a lot more to this story than I initially posted.
He is a very violent, manipulative and controlling man (behind closed door, nice as pie in public), she has suffered both physical and mental abuse, has had to move constantly to keep away from him, and she became a total recluse and suffered a mental breakdown when he took it up on himself to keep hold of their son.
So yes, it seems that way, but there's a whole other backstory.

Backstory or not, the money was for the children. She didn't pay it.

The decent thing to do would be to not claim any from him equivalent to what she have to pay.

My ex never paid maintenance for our children because he saw it that I was much better off than him so it was ok. I never bothered because it was more stress than worth but I sometimes imagined what it would be like if my kids had decided to move in with him because there was no doubt he would have gone straight to CSA. Thankfully it never happened on the opposite.

Backstories are irrelevant. Many male nrp have backstories too but they pay what they should for their kids.

One of the good things about Legal Matters is that people are generally helpful, and do not try and get on a moral high horse. Generally that is because people are here to offer constructive, helpful guidance.

It's usually those who have nothing constructive to add who want to turn it in to AIBU.

Very true Collaborate, this is not aibu, but in this instance, it is hard not to react. If it was a man not paying for 5 years asking that question, the thread would have been bombarded with comments about his appauling behaviour. I hope the ex did actually have a CSA case open.

And those comments calling him out for appalling behaviour would have received exactly the same response from me.

But well done you for turning Legal Matters in to a bun fight.