Am I screwed?

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

This post could go on for hours so I'll try to bullet point and just be factual.
•partner worked full tome paid rent and utilities
•I worked part time, paid holidays, treats, all food, events etc
•both names on bills
•split due to domestic abuse
•partner had not paid rent up to date
•had basically not been paying bills almost at all. •I now find 'we' have debt of over 5000
•I had previously asked fairly regularly about bills due to the occasional letter from council tax saying we owed but was always told a payment plan was in place etc
•he will not hand back my mobile phone, it is an extra on my contract in my name
•he says he will 'sort' bills but he will not pay.
This will directly affect my credit etc, he could not care less.
•can only assume post was intercepted or all bills done online because I really didn't know
•He lives with his mum, I live renting with three small children.

The only way these things will be paid is if I pay them.
I've been to a refuge and had to leave my job to have full responsibility of the children.
I guess I'm just stuck paying it all but it doesn't seem right. There's a lot more but this is the main problem
Am I screwed?

Good morning. Posted a bit late in a state, any advice would be very helpful

Contact each debt directly and explain the situation some will split the debt freeze it stop the interest and ask for low repayment

Were you not married?

I have been in touch h with them all and not much luck.
For example it turns out he was lying about the gas readings. They've acknowledged this and they told me they can tell it's too high but since there's no proof there's nothing they can do. So supposedly from June I've used £700 in gas.
Obviously that's so stuid I can hardly take it seriously but I'm working through things with them.
What I'm really asking is am I ultimately going to end up paying for it all and legally there's nothing I can do?
No not married thank god

Hiya,

I'm a debt advisor. What name(s) are the debts in? If yours or joint names (e.g. council tax or rent) then you will be left with the debts I'm afraid, this is really common. If the gas (for example) is in his name, then just leave him to it. Joint debts you are jointly and severally liable for, meaning you both owe the full amount (not half each) so until the debt is paid in full, you both remain liable regardless of whether you have paid more than him.

I'd suggest you get some professional debt advice who can help you set up repayment plans and/or give you advice on your options.

Good luck and I'm sorry for what you've been through.

I thought so. Yes both of our names. A couple in my name that I know nothing of and a couple in variations of his name that he uses to avoid people.

Thank you, I'm kind of recovering from the living together part and enjoying the home with the children but the long lasting effects of this will be felt for a long time.
In many ways

I despise him for the fraud etc that can never be proved and I despise the fact I can't do anything about it

You are not liable for the ones that are in his sole name or variations thereof.

You are not liable for the ones that are in your name that you don't know about. If he has fraudulently used your name to obtain goods or services, he is liable, not you. Unfortunately, it may not be easy to persuade the supplier that you didn't sign up to the service.

Regarding the mobile phone, you should contact your mobile network and explain the situation to them. They can't get your phone back for you but they can cut off the service.

I did speak to them and they said they could cut it but I'd still have a year of line rental to pay.
I'm starting to spiral a little because the big debts are the household ones that I knew we used but didn't know they were going unpaid.
I have no idea where the money went because it wasn't on us or the house.
How can a person seem to love their kids so much and then ultimately steal from them
And if u hadn't finally left after the domestic abuse how much further would the financial problems have gone
Meanwhile he actually asked to borrow a tenner the other day
I'm just overwhelmed at the moment

So to speak to a solicitor would be a waste of time?

I gave no legal knowledge of this but I do have experience. My exh did the same to me ten years ago. I had debt collectors and bailiffs at the door. He took our 15 grand savings (which would of cleared all debt) and squandered it.

It’s really distressing to know that the man you married and thought was a family man could ever do such a thing. My heart goes out to you.

After months of stress and upset trying to fight the debt I accepted it (the ones in joint names & my own). I got on the phone and spoke to all the companies most of them were really understanding and help me set up manageable repayment plans. Council tax that was with the bailiffs weren’t quite as helpful but I did eventually agree a payment plan. I took on extra hours at work, made sure I claimed all the benefits I was entitled to and contacted the csa to put a claim in.

It took about 4 years to clear but I did it. Seeing the green ticks on my credit file felt amazing at the time. 10 years on its taught me how to deal with money and never to fully trust that a bill as been paid unless I’ve got proof and to have my own savings account. The debts did drop off my file and my credit score has got much better.

You will get though this and come out the other side wiser for it. You exh on the other hand will still be a shitbag.

There is a charity called CAP. It is run by people from church but it has not religious aspect. They can give advice, and you also get emotional support. I think with so much going on it could be really good for you to have the extra support as well as advice about the debt

Thank you I kind of thought it would be this way and at least I'm more certain now.
And yes I am struggling a bit in general with the situation not just financially just the horror of it all.

I'll never trust anyone again

Q

I do have the ability to remove all the data from the second phone. That means it would only be useful to him at his house 🤔
It could spur him on to get a new one? I've put a spending cap on calls

Frankly, he has been a complete shit. Personally I would ask the phone company to cut off the phone completely regardless of the fact you will have to pay the line rental anyway. If he has taken things out in your name without your knowledge then contact those companies and tell them these aren't your debts were obtained by fraud and give them his contact details. If they insist you took them out ask for proof that they ascertained that you were there in person and evidence of your identity, ask them to provide copies of everything they hold and when they were applied for/signed for to see if you can prove it wasn't you. Anything not in your name is not your responsibility. Anything in joint names unfortunately you will be responsible for paying for to clear your credit file. Contact all of the companies, explain the situation in full and agree a payment schedule that you know you can keep up with. To do this you need to be absolutely honest and open with them, tell them how much income you will have from benefits and precisely how much your outgoings are so they can see you are doing your best. Make sure you have applied for all benefits including any hardship payments you might qualify for and get a claim in for child support ASAP don't rely on him paying through a private agreement. If they collect it they can deduct directly from his wages.

I have already decided to go down the cms route. He's paid once in ten weeks and for the second payment he made me jump through hoops. It his last thing he can control me over and he's clinging onto it
This has been an absolute nightmare but I've had a barrowful if good advice on Mumsnet, Thankyou.
So much good advice in fact that he blames Mumsnet for the split. Not the abuse...but Mumsnet lol

OP, I’ve no advice but wanted to offer my sympathies! What a shitty situation to have been left in. I know it’s going to take a while but I hope you and your kids get sorted sooner rather than later.

Thankyou @ItsIslandTime I appreciate that. I actually found the balls to tell him exactly what I thought of the whole thing and I did it cool, calm and in a kind of disgusted withering way and it made me feel a lot better.
I've decided this is my lot for now. I can keep being upset at how unfair and horrible it all is or I can just get on with it and focus on the kids which was the point of fleeing to refuge in the first place. I'm free of the daily bullying and that's the main thing. I'm having my stressed moments but I'm sure that's normal for people at the moment anyway. Onwards and upwards even if it is very very slowly!