The biological child of my unborn baby looks to not to want to be involved. And is being very hostile.
Shocking behaviour as I imagined he could at least be amicable and humane.
We were friends with benefits. Ex work colleagues. Never in a formal relationship. The pregnancy was an accident.
I initially thought I would terminate. But I don’t have it in me. And said I will pursue this pregnancy and don’t expect anything from anyone. But his awful behaviour since and after speaking to others. The fact he does have very good financial security and hasn’t taken a care to ask how I am. And the knowledge that one day when the child is of a fun age he will want to be known to the child.
A lawyer in the family who deals a lot with family matters has said if I’m not going to be with father then suggested to not put father on birth certificate from the start. If things are like this now.
I don’t want said family member knowing who the father is and or putting my legal laundry so to speak through his office as I want to keep a level of privacy. The biological father can be googled. And so if I have to go down the legal route later on to get some help financially in the form of child maintenance I just prefer some privacy. (Extended family not knowing things or getting involved). Although using the solicitor firm through said family member will likely get it done quicker and financially be better.
I just don’t know what I will do at this stage.
I have the remainder of the pregnancy to get through and I guess to see how the biological father will work with me on this.
If he will want to be involved from a distance. He works internationally although based in the uk and I know he’s involved with his children from two different marriages at a distance. All amicable. Provides for them financially, provided homes (but these were families created from marriage) and is a dad from a distance due to his work and lifestyle. Everyone seems happy in those situations.
I think eventually and so does someone who knows him and I. That he will not deny the child for ever. But i imagine with his shock at this accident, as well as mine. And his demeanour since he will initially reluctantly want to help financially or be involved for a good few years.
Like I said initially I was happy we parted ways and in my fierce independence stated I didn’t want anything from anyone. After all it is my choice to carry on said pregnancy and not his.
Though I’m feeling the affects of this on my financial standing already. I’m self employed and haven’t been able to work the last two weeks due to extreme sickness. I will take a big hit when baby arrives and will be living very very tightly. Moving to cheaper part of the country. Will likely (currently looking into) retraining in something I could fit around a baby and young child better. My whole life will take a hit and change. Which is fine. I accept that.
The biological dad travels by private jet and never cooks that he orders from an upmarket food delivery service from top notch London restaurants. I used to laugh at his ways. And have to explain how to work his dishwasher. Our lives are worlds apart!
Even when we went out to eat when semi dating / friends with benefits I would always try to offer to pay half. I am fiercely independent in that sense. And if I wanted a man with money I would have accepted his advances in the past of more. But I didn’t and so we became friends. This accident is by no means on purpose which some may throw in to the mix of things if they knew his wealth. I would rather the father of my future child be someone else. But I am here and it is what it is.
Concerned friends have said why wouldn’t you apply for child support. I just don’t know where to start.
Can I ask what the basic rate is?
Does the bio father of child you apply for child maintenance for have to be on the birth certificate from the start?
(He won’t want to be I think at this point.
I’m happy with that).
How do they work out what the father should pay? Is it on their assets or earnings or?
(I’m pretty sure he is one of those who knows how to hide money well).
And well we weren’t married etc so I don’t expect much of course. But for my child who he will one day get to enjoy and I’m pretty sure will want to. To be partially financially supported by him whilst I struggle to bring the child up alone.
Thanks for any advise.