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Original poster

Sister wont leave parents' home

33 replies

Allusernamestakenbutthis · 08/08/2020 21:49

DS (sister) bought land with her new boyfriend after her divorce and moved into our parents little house with her son while waiting for planning, which still hasn't been approved 1.5 yrs later (it was turned down and waiting appeal). DS has bought several pets despite being told not to, contributes nothing on bills/rent while showering boyfriend with gifts (luxury hotel weekends, designer clothes, etc), buying horses etc, and is generally rude and moody on the verge of abuse. Covid has delayed things further and now she has broken her ankle my elderly parents see no end of this. Even worse, her boyfriend is refusing to help DS leaving everything to my parents who are vulnerable and need to isolate for their health. They desperately need to sell their home and mum cries every day as she sees no way out. They are becoming very old and frail and I am worried their health may deteriorate very rapidly if this is not resolved by the end of the year. I am.looking to move house but cannot afford anything big enough for all of us.

Does anyone have advice on what they can do to get her to move out. They have offered to pay for a place to rent for six months but she refuses. The main issue is her son is only 9 and they love him obviously but he is used as emotional blackmail.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 08/08/2020 21:52

Well you can throw any lodger out with zero notice (but best to do in writing giving day one week notice). Get police to evict if needed.
But I doubt parents would do this.

ChicCroissant · 08/08/2020 21:55

Putting the house up for sale should do the trick, she'll have to move when it is sold. If she's threatening them with no contact with the grandson they'll have to call her bluff on that one.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 08/08/2020 21:57

Tell her she has to leave by this date or they will have to initiate legal action.

Viviennemary · 08/08/2020 21:57

I don't think there is any other way but get her evicted by the police. As your parents live on the premises. Maybe a lawyers letter might help first.

Bitchinkitchen · 08/08/2020 21:57

If they want to sell the house, then they should sell the house and buy somewhere with no room for her. Sorted.

InTheWings · 08/08/2020 22:01

Where are they moving?
Support your parents to put the house up for sale. Sooner rather than later to take advantage of the Stamp Duty amnesty.

Even if they get PP it will take another 2 years to build a house. Your Ds obviously had money (horses!!!) so why are your parents pandering to this shit?

Support your parents to give her 6 weeks notice. After which they change the locks. With your support, be there when they get back.

Original poster
Allusernamestakenbutthis · 08/08/2020 22:14

Problem is my Dad is very soft and wont force her out, while mum (who the mental abuse is towards) feels like her house has been taken from her. Dad does now realise what is going on but says he doesnt have the energy to support mum or fight my sister. A few months he said he felt trapped and wanted to run away.
Now shes broken her ankle they feel they have no choice but to have her for at least two more months. On top of this she has now broken up with her boyfriend (who refuses to drive her to hospital check up - but bizarrely his excuse is he cant deal with family drama which was caused by me asking her to rely on him and not my parents) so they will have to either make up or sell the land. My parents are worried they could make her homeless. In the meantime we are heading for a property market crash and my parents cant sell their home.

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/08/2020 22:20

Why can't they sell?

copperoliver · 08/08/2020 22:47

Maybe your mother should tell your dad if you not stand up to her and tell her to private rent, I'm leaving. This might frighten him into doing something. If she's got money to waste on her boyfriend she has money to privately rent. X

Original poster
Allusernamestakenbutthis · 08/08/2020 23:15

@tribpot they cant (wont) sell because they are too kind and too tired. Honestly that's the only reason. Their house is in a sought after school catchment and would sell fast. I have told Dad to stand up for mum but I get it he has no energy. He is very unwell. They both are almost 80 with anemia and autoimmune diseases. I have told my sister exactly what I think and it has not helped at all, it's made things worse. She has broken her ankle now so no income for six weeks. That is why mum cries everyday, she sees no way out.
On top of this they should be looking after their health. The boyfriend visits their home, the grandson goes to his dad, visits his other grandparents etc. Maybe I'm over-reacting but I dont feel they are keeping my parents safe from this virus. They even said I put their relationship under pressure because I asked her to stop asking my parents to run errands (boyfriend is "too busy" to help at all and annoyed he has to clear up the horse poo, chickens have died etc as sister.not around to clean.and care for them, he has now gone off radar). Its.madness.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allusernamestakenbutthis · 08/08/2020 23:16

@copperoliver she has asked if she can come stay with me if it gets too much but think shes worried about my Dad....

OP posts:
Bitchinkitchen · 08/08/2020 23:19

@Allusernamestakenbutthis well, you can't help people who won't help themselves. If i were you I'd refuse to engage them on the topic. Every time they bring it up just say "well, I've told you what i think - you need to ask her to leave. If you won't do that, i can't really help you, so i don't think there's any point in talking about it." And then change the subject.

Unless of course you want to try telling your sister off and hoping you can shame her into leaving.

mosquitofeast · 08/08/2020 23:21

They should just put their house on the market. They won't be leaving it in the next few weeks even if it sells immediately.

Viviennemary · 08/08/2020 23:24

I wonder if if would help if you contacted Age UK and asked them for help/advice. Your parents are elderly, unwell and vulnerable and your sister is taking advantage of their situation which is wrong.

Original poster
Allusernamestakenbutthis · 08/08/2020 23:30

I have done that @bitchinkitchen which is why I gave my sister a piece of my mind and I also refuse to visit their house now. Hasn't helped as she simply believes she's the victim, but I do not regret it. They haven't even told their immediate family they are so ashamed.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/08/2020 23:32

I agree with contacting Age UK. This is abuse of the elderly and it needs to be stopped.

Bitchinkitchen · 08/08/2020 23:32

Then I'd just leave them to it. They're adults, they know how to fix the problem, if they'd rather just complain about it you can't change that, but you can change how it impacts you. Disengage, disengage, disengage.

tribpot · 09/08/2020 07:26

I would maybe have this thread moved to Relationships, OP, as the problems are not legal.

Can you and your mum not just get the ball rolling by going to an estate agent to put the house on the market? It sounds like your dad will just go along with whatever is easiest for him so perhaps if your mum gives him papers to sign he will do it.

A conversation with Age UK might also be helpful, although it sounds like the only financial abuse is her living there rent free, she's not helping herself to their savings?

It also sounds like they should tell their immediate family what is going on, it might either shame her into acting (unlikely) or spur them into using the legal measures they already have to end this situation.

But as other posters have noted, unless one of them is prepared to actually do something, the strain on you can only be reduced by you disengaging from this situation.

prh47bridge · 09/08/2020 09:16

I note a couple of people talking about getting the police to evict her. The police won't get involved. This is not a criminal matter.

FatCatThinCat · 09/08/2020 11:54

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do if your parents aren't prepared to take action.

BaronessBomburst · 09/08/2020 11:59

They are more than capable of resolving the situation themselves by selling the house. If they're not prepared to do that, you can't help them.

copperoliver · 09/08/2020 13:44

copperoliver she has asked if she can come stay with me if it gets too much but think shes worried about my Dad....
But maybe she needs to be more upfront with him and say it is making her ill and she will leave if he doesn't make your sister leave. X

Digestive28 · 09/08/2020 13:49

How old are your parents? They may be classed as vulnerable adults and so a safeguarding referral may allow it all to be looked at? You need to speak to social services

Digestive28 · 09/08/2020 13:51

Although if they are “consenting” safeguarding will do very little

PontiacBandit · 09/08/2020 14:47

It's a very tough one one and I know it would be very hard but get her to move in with you , let your parents sell their home and downsize then kick her out.