Finances at court and abuse.

[Fightingback16]

Hi,
My application for financial proceedings has been received and my husband has been issued with notification from the court. He is not happy about, he has already sent me an email, coercively trying to get me to stop the proceedings with guilt and obligation and fear of the recession. Although it doesn’t fill me with joy doing it this way and I’m not interested in revenge etc, there is no choice and I will proceed.

My question is will the court case allow me to bring up the abuse and does it have a bearing on the outcome. I have a Masters but I abandoned my career and struggling to pick up where I left off. I’m suffering PTSD and was diagnosed with M.E. I don’t want to be like this but I have had to accept that I have been effected by him.

Do you have children? If so, how old are they?

One little girl who is 4.

I'm not so sure the abuse will have a bearing on a financial settlement. You being the main carer of a 4 year old will in that they may determine you need a few years support to get into full time work. Starting point is 50/50 but often the main carer may get more.

I have her full time at the moment, for the past 6 months. He needs to apply for contact.
I work 16 hrs at the moment but sometimes it’s a real struggle with the M.E. I was diagnosed with it as a consequence of emotional abuse. I’m not sure whether increasing my hours would just make me ill.

It might be taken in to account. Conduct that is specifically taken in to account has to be "gross and obvious" - it is a very high bar. Domestic abuse on its own will not usually cut it.

However if you can show on the balance of probability that you have PTSD (whether or not it is related to the abuse) it may be taken in to account as one of the circumstances of the case if it affects your earning capacity.

You'd struggle I think to say that you have PTSD and ME due to emotional abuse and I doubt that would have any impact on a financial settlement. Unless i've misunderstood and those diagnoses are unrelated and just effect your ability to earn.

I have a lot of obvious... my IDVA has said the level of abuse I suffered was one of the most extreme she has heard. My husband was very unwell mentally.

I just don’t really want to bring it all up on court and it fall on deaf ears.

I have all the medical records where the doc diagnosed me last year. I didn’t go because I thought I was being abused. The doctor told me I had developed M.E and c-PTSD from abuse.

I also have our 4 year old full time because he is not stable. He has yet to apply to court for contact.

Do you have a solicitor supporting you or are you representing yourself?

I did bring up abuse in the family court because it was the reason I sought a divorce. It didnt have a bearing on how much contact xh had with dc.
Even though he admitted things like throwing objects at them.

The main thing, for me, was making sure it was clear I was able to look after the DC.

Yes I have a solicitor but I’m really trying to keep the costs down. I’m just trying to asses the situation as I don’t want to go in thinking that they will be interested in the abuse and then get my hopes up. I’d rather know now if this is something that they ever take into account.

My solicitor and IDVA and social services told my to stop him having contact unsupervised and he said no when I offered a contact centre. They all want a mental health assessment for him and drug testing as he is addicted to weed. He also used dd to get to me and put her in dangerous situations.

I thought coercive control wasn’t illegal?

Coercive control is an offence but it has specific criteria.

Who diagnosed you?

Theoretically, courts are meant to take abuse more into account than they did in the past.

I think it's relevant but I did find it a balancing act to have to discuss it and also give the impression of being a capable parent.

www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2009/6703.html

I found this useful in helping me understand the different expectations placed on me in different spheres such as family court compared to police.

Oh yes, I don’t want to go into court and make myself sound like a fruit cake. A few months ago it would have been very different, I re-traumatised myself doing the freedom programme but I am much much more settled now!

It just seems so unfair that a person can do that to someone and gets to carry on and work full time whilst I’ve suffered horribly. I’m over the worst of it but that’s because I’ve pushed through absolute hell.

I don’t really want to stand up and talk about all the weird shit I went through. It’s more the texts and the emails I have now of him threatening me not to go to court of else, and then all the emails begging me and trying too make me feel guilty. Also I ran from the family home because he said he would kill me if I returned. I didn’t take any money and he has wasted around £30,000 of savings since. I was so scared of him and he had me believe the money wasn’t mine and if I touched it I’d be in trouble. I want them to know what he was like.

Have you reported to the police?

That might be the most appropriate place to take that information.

Honestly I was very reliant on my solicitor to tell me what was/wasnt relevant to the family court case.
I found that very useful.

I'm sorry he's treating you like this.
It is completely wrong.

I’m so annoyed with myself, not that I could have done anything about it because I was so traumatised. I ran from the house and all our money and it’s been over a year now and my solicitor has said that financial proceedings is the only way I will get anything moving.
I would have thought that they need to see what kind of person he is to chase his wife and young child away. Then he for an alarm system and cameras on the house.

Having read some of your previous posts, i'd just keep it factual in terms of finances and take your solicitors advice. Good luck OP.

Yes it’s hard to think non emotionally at the bloody unfairness of it all. But then the judge won’t really care about me individually.

If he says he needs more equity and can only pay child maintenance for 3 years because he says he needs to support his mum and sister back home will that be taken into account. He says she has just lost her job?

Your solicitor would know best but it seems likely they will prioritise his child over his sister.

Yeah I’ll have a meeting with her once we have a date for court. I would just like it all over with now.
We both have families, my mum is unwell but I won’t be asking for more money because of that. I don’t see how the money or lack of it on either side of our family makes any difference to our matrimonial money.

He can say what he likes but the judge won't take it into account unless it's relevant.
My ex said all sorts but it was just ignored.

I feel so guilty because my family has more money then his family. I was given £60,000 in inheritance after we got married towards the house, he’ll be entitled to a % of that. But I’m not guaranteed anymore and I hope and prey my mum lives a long time as I’ve already lost my dad.