Anyone who knows scottish law? I have a question regarding dc’s property being withheld by NRP.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I have a long running thread regarding my dc’s father but I thought I’d ask here for advice/a specific answer.

Dc’s tenth birthday at the weekend. They were at their dads. They were given a laptop as a gift which they wanted to bring with them when they returned home. Their father said they weren’t allowed to. That it had to remain in his house.
Dc came home in tears. Doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed her gift.
This is typical. Dc’s have to remove jackets/hoodies (sometimes shoes) before getting out his car and coming home.

Is he acting illegally? If so, what should I do?

I dont think its illegal but its deffinatly very strange that said iveseenthis situation before.

The Scottish Child Law centre might be able to give you some free advice, although there is likely a bit of a wait. You phone, they take some details & a solicitor calls you back at an appointed time. They are there to represent your child's point of view & don't charge. I have found them helpful.

That’s helpful. Thank you. She’s since said that it wasn’t a gift. She used her Christmas money to pay for it.

I’ve emailed them as the phone line is busy.

I’d still appreciate if anyone else here knows the position.

Mo81
Can you elaborate? It might be helpful to hear others experience of this.

I'm in Scotland, but I'm not a lawyer. I don't think you'll get very far with this sadly. I guess it was her Christmas money from him/his family?

I imagine if the situation was reversed and you bought her a laptop, you wouldn't be pleased if it went to his home and possibly didn't return with her.

I think you (and your DD) will have to accept that he makes the decisions about her and her possessions when she's with him, and you make them when she's with you.

I've heard of this happening with friends DC and it has happened with one of my DSS's his mother rarely used to allowe him to stay for more then a night or so at a time and always got my DH to give her extra for his clothing and such then suddenly started saying she had no clothes for him that fit after sending him to stay for 2 weeks, he literally arrived with the clothes on his back and shoes that had holes in the soles and nothing else.
The previous agreement had always been that she got extra money and sent clothes with him when he came here.

DH had no extra money for everything he needed as less then 2 weeks before he had sent her an extra payment so I bought it for him, he then wanted to take certain things home which we agreed to as they were his things and we were worried he didn't have enough at home.
She tried the same thing again less then 3 months later (he was still in the same size of everything).
This time we didn't let him take the clothes or shoes home as we just couldn't afford to replace it every time he stayed for holidays.
She still frequently sends him up with no jacket, falling apart shoes and once wouldn't even allow him to take his glasses!
Sorry this has gotten very long.
I think with your ex its a form of controll and manipulation too but for different reasons to my DH's X.

I very much doubt this could become a legal issue. On the face of it, it does seem mean not to allow your DD to take the laptop. Who gave her the money?

I believe the money was from her gp’s (his parents).
I should clarify I don’t want to pursue this legally. But if I knew the legal position, I can point it out. He will not respond to appeals to his better nature. He upset DD on her birthday and has done the same before at Christmas’s and birthdays for both dc.
It seems unjust that, because she’s a child, her things are not actually hers. Even things she paid for. It’s her understanding that if she spent her money on it, she owns it. Is that really not correct? If she’s thought differently she may have used her money for other things.

Also for context, she and her sibling take whatever they wish from home to his house. Phones, iPad, consoles, books etc. When I gifted or provided them they ceased to belong to me. Why would anyone think they did? Occasionally they have left stuff there. He lives an hour away so they know if they leave it, it’s a few days till they see him and can get it back. They are responsible kids for the most part, and understand consequences.

I think, legally, that any money belonging to a 10yr old is quite sensibly controlled by their parents.

I really don't think your ex has done anything wrong here. He's made sure that she has something useful and of value for her to use when she's at her other home.

If the grandparents gave the money could you try appealing to them along the lines that DD was disappointed she had to leave the laptop at her dad's. Personally, I'd just let it go.

I know you don’t want to hear this but I think your ex is in the right.
Your DDs have phones, iPads etc at yours but probably not much at his so now she had an iPad for his. Sounds perfect!

Sorry a laptop at his**

I do agree with you. But I've made the mistake of allowing my dcs to take whatever they like to their father's and it never returning. Most recently a Fitbit (Xmas present-he says it's lost. Dd says it's not lost and can tell me exactly where it bloody is) and a pair of sodding glasses! I had to take her to the opticians in lockdown .

So if you're like him and things 'disappear' in your house, I can understand his point.

@onitlikeacarbonnet

I have a long running thread regarding my dc’s father but I thought I’d ask here for advice/a specific answer.

Dc’s tenth birthday at the weekend. They were at their dads. They were given a laptop as a gift which they wanted to bring with them when they returned home. Their father said they weren’t allowed to. That it had to remain in his house.
Dc came home in tears. Doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed her gift.
This is typical. Dc’s have to remove jackets/hoodies (sometimes shoes) before getting out his car and coming home.

Is he acting illegally? If so, what should I do?

Of course it's not illegal. It's typical in many acrimonious situations to have to two sets of everything.

I don't believe it's great for the children, but can also see that with an expensive item, sending it home means he has no ability to ensure its safely used, not damaged and monitor it fully.
Tbh, I wouldn't want to send an expensive item like that to and from other houses constantly as it is asking really for an accident to happen. But I very much believe in taking good care of items and not treating things as disposable.

I have to agree with your ex. We have a similar situation and whenever DSD would receive a "cool" gift from us, it would go back to her DM's house and we would never see it again. We would then be told that DSD didn't want to come to stay with us because she was bored and there was nothing to do. So we stopped her taking things back to her DMs. We even got her pet mice because she really wanted them and her and DM started trying to pack up the cage, food, bedding to take it back with her. We stopped it. It causes argument and upset sometimes but if things don't come back, that's how it has to be.