Name changed and posting in legal this time. Long standing problems with ex in regards to coparenting. Going round and round in circles. Basically, we have an agreement drawn up in mediation. DC mostly with me in term time and him in holidays. It was down to exact days and times. Problems arose when ex regularly changed days/times at the last minute for whatever random reason to do with his work, some unimportant event etc. As ex would tell me at last minute I would be left with childcare. This I could just about cope with. However, the constant stream of texts and emails would accompany him being late, making some excuse for traffic. He might get there on time, he might not. Could I standby just in case. Countless times I had to leave work early or cancel my own plans to pick up DC because he was late. Same with phone calls to DC, meant to be at set time. Often much later or he would forget altogether and text me asking to ring the next morning or at non agreed time. I was willing to be flexible for a while but this was taking the piss. I have tried very hard to limit my personal contact with him/ignore texts and emails etc and only respond when necessary. This would cause him to send me even more saying I had to respond to him and tell him important information about our DC otherwise he'd be taking me to court etc. Despite telling him all important information about DC he told the school last term that I was not communicating with him (lies) and he demanded to know about the info I was supposedly withhelding.
Due to covid we agreed on a regular schedule of sharing care 50/50. Discussing the summer holidays, he said to DC he would still be spending the majority with them (as stated on original mediation schedule). I told him that wasn't fair as he has been seeing DC much more than mediation schedule states therefore we should continue 50/50 all the way through the holiday. He has refused saying that it is not fair on him etc as original agreement states that. Obviously, a mediation agreement is not a legal document but where do I go from here? I've been incredibly flexible over whole covid period, given up many weekends I was meant to spend with DC as the primary parent and now ex still insists on having DC for majority of the holiday? Doesn't make sense. This is one issue.
The bigger issue is communication and lack of it. Ex has always been a bully and highly manipulative and controlling. Every email goes round in circles. I will say 'I want to do x, y, and z.' He'll reply something like 'I don't understand what you are saying exactly.' or 'We can talk about that' without giving anymore details. I said we need a clear agreement over the holidays, giving different suggestions on how to split them. I said I would not agree on a date for him to pick DC up next until we had a full agreement in writing. This is the first time I have said this because I need something in writing and am simply so fed with how long everything takes with him and how I have no idea when I will be with my DC over the next few months. This has happened countless times in the past and I cannot live like this any longer. Despite insisting on a fixed schedule he has replied 'it is against the law for you to deny access to my DC. We need to agree to a fixed schedule but I want to see DC next week then we can discuss it in due course'. He will not confirm anything. I cannot plan anything. I feel like I have to constantly reply to him. I blocked him from my phone because of his bombardment of text messages. I told him not to come into my house because he insisted on doing it every drop off. Now he is sendly hugely lengthy emails that twist and turn the things I say and give no confirmed answers on anything, just a long waffle. He regularly excuses me of going 'mad' and guilt tripping me about something related to DC. If I do not reply he follows up. And this is causing me a high amount of anxiety and stress. I have used different tactics in the past - replying in short bursts, one word answers to his questions. He'd only reply and ask me to confirm exactly what I meant by 'no'. If it's long, he'll write a longer one back. If I don't reply, he'll accuse me of some rubbish. I know couples who coparent who barely communicate and wish I could be this.
The legal questions are is this all harassment? If so, what can I do? Am I unreasonable in denying access to him until he agrees or even makes suggestions about a fixed schedule? Without one this whole saga will continue to happen again and again. The stress of communicating with my ex and going round and round in circles is too much and causing me a great deal of anxiety. Can I communicate via a solicitor instead? How would this work and how much would it cost? If he does not agree to a fixed schedule and without a court order what can I do? This has been going on for years now and I need some solutions.
Any advice appreciated thanks.