Legal action against ex-wife

[aberdeen83]

My ex-wife is being totally unreasonable with the shared responsibility of our children. I can't put up with her behaviour, especially as she blamed me for all of our problems, to protect her reputation and stop her family and friends finding out the truth about her drinking and lies.

If we go to court will there be an opportunity to expose all her issues and lies, to demonstrate just how unreasonable she actually is?

Yeah, whether you'll get taken seriously is a different matter.

It is not about outing ex wife.
It is about what is best for the children.
Frame everything that way and see what you honk then,

Think not honk

They only want to know about issues surrounding your complaint about the children. If her drinking or lies impacts on the children or the agreement it is valid in that respect but not if it about getting things off your chest.

Some issues surrounding the break up and divorce should perhaps have been discussed whilst divorcing.

You need to pick only valid points for any argument.

Unlikely. The court will want to set child access, and to understand if either parent has ever refused access to the other, been uncooperative etc.

Family courts aren’t for airing resentment or getting even, they are only interested in what is best for the child. Your ex-wife’s family & friends won’t be there to hear comments like that, even if they were discussed.

Just get terms of access clearly defined and move on.

My ex-wife drank during the day whilst looking after our children. She called me back from a night out, when our daughter had a seizure, because she had drank a whole bottle of wine whilst looking after our children and couldn't drive to the hospital. Her parents drove over to our house, so I came home 30 mins later to find three people capable of driving who were sat drinking tea or trying to get sober. I was the one on the night out, who was sober and also willing to drive.

My ex also lets our children get into a vehicle with her brother who had a seizure, which he hid from the doctor, dvla and their family.

My ex-wife has also lied about being raped and lied to me about being abused by her cousin. Her family know nothing about these lies.

The reality is that my ex-wife lies would tear her family apart if exposed.

@aberdeen83

My ex-wife drank during the day whilst looking after our children. She called me back from a night out, when our daughter had a seizure, because she had drank a whole bottle of wine whilst looking after our children and couldn't drive to the hospital. Her parents drove over to our house, so I came home 30 mins later to find three people capable of driving who were sat drinking tea or trying to get sober. I was the one on the night out, who was sober and also willing to drive.

My ex also lets our children get into a vehicle with her brother who had a seizure, which he hid from the doctor, dvla and their family.

My ex-wife has also lied about being raped and lied to me about being abused by her cousin. Her family know nothing about these lies.

The reality is that my ex-wife lies would tear her family apart if exposed.

Does she regularly drinkwhen looking after the children to excess?

The car journey with the brother - you have effectively said she was unaware - so how can she be held accountable?

The lies are irrelevant re the children. They'd only tear her family apart if you were the sort of arsehole who would tell them to cause her pain.

if she has a genuine drink problem, then referring to ss is an option.
Have you requested mediation?
Have you made a written proposal that's reasonable regarding child contact arrangement?

Are you child focused, concerned with their best interests not yours or proving a point re ex?

I'm not sure having to come home from a night out is unreasonable, nor will many people think that a bottle of wine is excessive.

OP you’ve come to the wrong place for advice I’m afraid-the vast majority of posters will only see this from your wife’s point of view and will defend her whatever you tell us. On here it is largely impossible that the mother is in any way wrong and everything will be down to you having neglected her emotions and not hoovered enough.

It’s impossible to know from only hearing your side who is ‘right’ but ultimately as PPs have said-at this point it is about the children and what’s best for them, not looking to get revenge on your ex by embarrassing her in court. You need to put all that aside and pursue what is genuinely best for your children even if that means swallowing your pride and wish to get even with their mother.

OP don't go into the minutiae of your issues. You'll be going to court forever and spend a fortune.
Sort out childcare arrangements through the court and get a really good court order for them to spend as much time with you as you can.
Take it from there to increase the order if necessary.

How do you know she lied about that?

My ex-wife has also lied about being raped and lied to me about being abused by her cousin. Her family know nothing about these lies

The reality is that my ex-wife lies would tear her family apart if exposed

You sound slightly deranged. Lying to you isn’t a criminal or civil offence. Do you think the police will charge her? Or that the family courts will take the children away from her ?

Do you imagine you will “ have your day in court” where you can stand in the witness box and tell all her family and friends what she’s really like and she won’t be able to defend herself ?

It doesn't work like that .

Your desperate need for revenge is clear after only a couple of posts, so it will be clear to your solicitor and the courts. This will not go down well.

You obviously have issues with your ex and the court isn’t the place to work them out. Get yourself some therapy. It’s way cheaper and faster and won’t fuck up your kids.

@Rainycloudyday we can see it from her point of view probably because many of us have been 'the psycho ex' before.

Your examples are pretty weak and raise more questions than conclusions. I agree with just trying to think about anything that affects the children. The court are not interested in your moral judgements on your ex wife.

Be factual. Do not sling mud, it will say more about you than your ex.

Family court is private to protect children.

If you were that worried about your children you'd be rushing to court to protect them. But interestingly that's not what your post is about. I wonder why?

Do you want to 'expose' your ex to her friends and family and get the kids as a byproduct or do you want to gain custody of your children because you believe that they are at risk and that means you will have to provide evidence to the court showing why you are the more suitable?