Legal relationship advice required

[TellMeMore2020]

Please don't judge when/ if commenting. I am beside myself with worry and require constructive advice please.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and am in a relationship with a foreign national (Turkey) We've been together for over 4 years now.
Everything has been absolutely great between us and there has been zero problems or concerns.

Last week we had a disagreement about something trivial and he has made some comments about our unborn child which gave me cause for concern.

"I hope the baby looks like me and has my personality - not yours"

"I will get her a passport for my country"

"My daughter will never date any British guys"

I know these may not seem like much to those reading this but it has made me fear for my daughter??!

Can someone please tell me if it's possible for him to take her to his own country without my permission?

Is there any documentation I can sign to say I don't give him permission if he ever did try?!

Or is there any other steps I can take to protect her from this?

For some reason those comments hit a chord with me and made me think. Everything was great between us until he said these things after a couple of drinks last week?!

Please advise 💔😭

Register her birth yourself and give her your surname. Don't tell the father when you're appointment is. This means he won't be on her birth certificate, therefore unable to apply for a Turkish passport.
If he wants on the birth certificate he can take you to court at a later date.
Then apply for her British passport.
I would get sound legal advice regarding contact between father & child and cite abduction fears. Maybe even talk to social services about these very real concerns.
Also, please know that he has absolutely no right to be at the birth nor to have any say in her name etc. He has zero rights at all until her gets himself on the birth certificate.

Get out of there fast!

As pp said dont put his name on the birth certificate if you do he has the same rights as you do as has the right to take her where he wants.

as has the right to take her where he wants

No, he would not have that right. The OP's daughter can only be taken out of the country legally if everyone with PR consents. So, even if he is named on the birth certificate, he will not be able to take her out of the country legally without the OP's consent. Equally, she will need his consent to take her daughter out of the country unless she gets a Child Arrangements Order saying her daughter lives with her.

@prh47bridge my mistake

Make sure the baby is born in the Uk and not Turkey!

No, he would not have that right. The OP's daughter can only be taken out of the country legally if everyone with PR consents.

I don’t think this is true. I have travelled with my DC to other countries (inside and outside Europe) without their Dad (my DH) and no-one has ever batted an eyelid. At one point our surnames were different. I know several people who have travelled extensively with DC and no DP/DH and have never been stopped. Unless you have a court order preventing your child being taken out of the country, no-one will stop you or him.

OP, where do you want to go with this? The responses so far only work if you are planning to split. I can’t see how you can have a functional relationship going forward if you aren’t planning to put him on the BC. ‘Sorry, I’m not putting you on the birth certificate because you said some things a few weeks back which make me think you might try to steal our daughter and therefore I can’t trust you’. That would be a deal breaker for most people. Equally, just making an appointment and not taking him and not putting his name.....how do you explain that when he asks to see the BC? I’m not saying don’t leave, but I don’t think OP came on here to be told to end a relationship she thought was fine until a couple of weeks ago.

I don’t think this is true. I have travelled with my DC to other countries (inside and outside Europe) without their Dad (my DH) and no-one has ever batted an eyelid

That's like saying you've driven at 80mph along a motorway and therefore it isn't true that the speed limit is 70mph. Many people break the speed limit without penalty every day. It doesn't alter the fact that speed limits exist and you commit an offence if you break them.

Under the Child Abduction Act 1984 it is a criminal offence to take a child out of the country unless you have the consent of everyone with PR or an appropriate court order. It is true that many people get away with breaking this law every year but it is the law.

@prh . I take your point. But the fact is that lots of people do drive at 80mph and get away with it. And lots of people travel without the parent of a child and don’t get questioned. So whilst you may well be right, I wouldNt offer that as advice/a rule to rely on, because the reality is that the OPs partner could very easily take the child out of the country without her.

I agree with everything @OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe says!
But I would add......BREAK UP WITH HIM! He sounds dangerous.

@stoppingtothink - Remember that I was responding to a poster who was suggesting that putting the father on the birth certificate would give him the right to take the OP's daughter out of the country. It wouldn't. In practical terms there is a good chance he would be able to take her out of the country regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate. In legal terms he cannot take her out of the country without the mother's consent regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate. As taking her daughter out of the country without her consent is a criminal offence, the OP can involve the police if necessary.

[quote prh47bridge]@stoppingtothink - Remember that I was responding to a poster who was suggesting that putting the father on the birth certificate would give him the right to take the OP's daughter out of the country. It wouldn't. In practical terms there is a good chance he would be able to take her out of the country regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate. In legal terms he cannot take her out of the country without the mother's consent regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate. As taking her daughter out of the country without her consent is a criminal offence, the OP can involve the police if necessary.[/quote]
Yes, but he could use that birth certificate to obtain the baby a Turkish passport and IF he manages to take baby to Turkey, I doubt she’d be returned.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all of the input.

I have just got back from my midwife appointment and I have mentioned everything to her too. She tried to put my mind at rest by telling me it's just not something he can or is allowed to do, but to remain vigilant.

I'm still going to get further information. Would a family solicitor be the right place to start?

My mind is racing with thoughts of passports/ surnames etc.

I hate thinking this way because things have been great between us but those comments have now started alarm bells!

Of course I want things to work out between us I just can't see that happening now with those remarks.

I was hoping I could sign an official document of some sort to say he doesn't have my permission to take her out of the day country. Guess things aren't that easy 😭

@FelicityPike - I don't know about Turkish passports but, in practical terms, if the OP doesn't put him on the birth certificate he can apply to the courts for PR. It is unlikely his application would be refused. Once he had PR he would be able to get a UK passport for the OP's daughter and may manage to take her to Turkey without the OP's consent. Sadly it is true that, despite the fact Turkey is party to the Hague Convention on child abduction, their courts flagrantly disregard the convention.

@TellMeMore2020 - Yes, a solicitor that deals with family law is the right place to start.

If you keep him off the birth certificate he will not have PR initially, so won't have any say in your daughter's name, education, religion, etc. However, if he applies to the courts for PR he is likely to get it.

@prh he won’t be able to get a UK passport if OP already has one for her.

[quote FelicityPike]@prh he won’t be able to get a UK passport if OP already has one for her.[/quote]
Is there anything to stop him saying her passport is lost and needs replacement though? (I've never lost a passport, so I don't know)

@shadow Yes, mum can register a certain thing with the passport office so that they know there’s an abduction risk.

yes its called a caveat. There will be a marker put against her passport so that if someone else applies for it, or even someone saying they are you, then they will contact you.
I had this for my daughter and once I needed to apply for her replacement one and my son's one and the passport office called me to check it was OK as both children had different surnames to me.

thanks, thats good to know (my DC are older, but you never know when that kind of info will be useful)

Such good info 👍 Thank you all.