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Original poster

Accusations of Domestic Violence

12 replies

youchoosetheplace · 27/05/2020 21:09

I know how this sounds, but please bear with, we are in a nightmarish situation.

Its a very long story, so I wont drone on - essentially my step son lives with me and my partner (this has been his residency for nearly a year now) due to DPs exw having severe mental health problems. There were concerns about neglect and the affect of her episodes of psychosis on DSS8s wellbeing. She would not seek treatment and kept being discharged form MH services due to non attendance. (Not a judgement - she's a good mum and she has a good relationship with my stepson, and her actions are not malicious, she is just v unwell).

We have been to court and have an court order making DP resident parent. 8 weeks ago she had a breakdown outside of our house which resulted in us suspending contact.

It was very scary and I had to call 999.

We made it very clear that what we required a letter from her MHP to say that this was just a blip and she is of general good mental health. She has refused, says this is crass and disgraceful and maintains she has done nothing wrong. Her claim is that DP cannot demand her private records at any 'whim and fancy'.

She has since started court proceedings for an enforcement order, we had the directions hearing yesterday. In the hearing she accused my DP of domestic violence (coercive control), says her Mental health professional has written a letter as 'evidence', and she will be taking this matter to criminal court.

I mean, I have no idea how this works. Can she really get DP convicted of DV on a letter from a health professional that has never met him? We are terrified. She is highly intelligent and extremely articulate, and when she wants something she will get it no matter what. DP's barrister doesn't seem worried, but we cant sleep at night. Its just such a horrible accusation.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
catkins22 · 27/05/2020 21:38

My stbxh comes up with all sorts of false da / dv accusations and has involved the police as well, which they found me completely innocent. I think the court are used to these types of claims. Are cafcass involved?

Please don't loose sleep over it. It was probably intended to antagonize you both.

No she can't, there would need to be evidence of what she is saying and a pattern of the control she is claiming. If your barrier isn't worried, don't be either.

slipperywhensparticus · 27/05/2020 21:50

He isnt demanding her records though he is requesting that she be cleared by a mhp as fit for seeing her child that's not unreasonable her account is exaggerated and indicative of her devolving into a paranoid state

I'm assuming you have evidence of your request

Original poster
youchoosetheplace · 27/05/2020 22:30

I'm sorry to hear this is something you have to go through as well @catkins22. DP had a cafcass interview, but they seem to have lost the report they did so it didn't go to court, we're chasing them again tomorrow. Ok gosh that is a relief. We no longer have contact with her, everything is through an intermediary, and we are looking for the police report from 8 weeks ago when we had to report her for harassment after the incident that took place. I can't think of a single other piece of evidence she will have to show coercive control or any kind of abuse of any kind. Another suggestion from the barrister is that she is doing this to obtain legal aid.

She is incredibly paranoid @slippery. I actually think she truly believes she has experienced domestic violence. Our solicitor has sent two 'official' letters confirming our request, and sent a couple when this all happened. At first she was happy to get confirmation, but then she 'spoke with her MHP' and he said he would not do it as it is 'giving in to DP 's control' and that she is experiencing gas lighting.

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 27/05/2020 22:35

I remember your previous posts op. The judge can order what they deem appropriate.. She can't deny her medical records if they are relevant.
I hope you get sorted. Your dss has been through enough.

Original poster
youchoosetheplace · 28/05/2020 00:15

Thankyou @windy, it was ordered at the hearing and she has been told to produce a letter to court in 3 weeks - however it is a possibility she will still flatly refuse to do this. Apparently in court she was totally adamant this wasn't something she was willing to do for anyone, as a matter of principle, as she is 'not unwell so why should I have to prove it' 🙄

OP posts:
Webley1968 · 29/05/2020 10:09

After 26 years of being in a relationship and having a home and son with the man I expected to spend the rest of my life with and gave up everything for, I am being evicted by him with not a penny to my name. Legislation for common law spouses had to change. This is the worst case of unfairness just because we didn't marry. I have 5 years left owing to a debilitating disease and am now left to be reliant on government support through universal tax credits whilst my ex is driving around in a sports car, has a multi million pound business and a million pound home. Reform is desperately required. X

Moondust001 · 29/05/2020 10:14

@Webley1968

After 26 years of being in a relationship and having a home and son with the man I expected to spend the rest of my life with and gave up everything for, I am being evicted by him with not a penny to my name. Legislation for common law spouses had to change. This is the worst case of unfairness just because we didn't marry. I have 5 years left owing to a debilitating disease and am now left to be reliant on government support through universal tax credits whilst my ex is driving around in a sports car, has a multi million pound business and a million pound home. Reform is desperately required. X
That sounds awful but you might be best starting your own thread so that people can help you, because otherwise it gets very confusing for people as to which situation they are addressing - yours or the original posters
Moondust001 · 29/05/2020 10:24

@youchoosetheplace

Thankyou *@windy*, it was ordered at the hearing and she has been told to produce a letter to court in 3 weeks - however it is a possibility she will still flatly refuse to do this. Apparently in court she was totally adamant this wasn't something she was willing to do for anyone, as a matter of principle, as she is 'not unwell so why should I have to prove it' 🙄
It probably doesn't feel like something to be amused about right now, but think about it - they only people who assert so loudly that they are entirely sane are the ones who aren't! And I am sure that the court is as aware of that as everyone else.

What she says her MHP has said is really not a test of anything. I seriously doubt any MHP is stupid enough to think that their opinion of the uncorroborated word of someone with mental health problems will count for evidence of anything. No criminal court - and in fact it isn't a courts decision, it is the decision of the CPS - will entertain a criminal charge for which there is no direct evidence. And her own mental health record - all of it - would be entered into the record anyway, and she wouldn't have any say about that. So if she threatens it again, tell her to bring it on, because you are looking forward to her mental health record becoming a matter of debate in a public court with newspaper reporters watching!

Stop worrying and trust your lawyer. It's sad that you obviously have far more sympathy for her, and goodwill, than most people would have, and she is putting you through this. It actually sounds like she is the one with issues of coercive control - is there a history of her behaviour being in this category? Because if it is, you may perhaps want to start recording her behaviour.

Original poster
youchoosetheplace · 29/05/2020 11:03

@moondust the court explained to her that an extremely simple way of determining her mental health will be a letter from her mental health team, and that they will struggle to come to a conclusion without this. This is all projection on her part - the police have had to speak to her about her behaviour towards us, and she has been warned that if she comes to our home again she will be arrested.

OP posts:
Original poster
youchoosetheplace · 29/05/2020 11:05

@moondust the court explained to her that an extremely simple way of determining her mental health will be a letter from her mental health team, and that they will struggle to come to a conclusion without this. This is all projection on her part - the police have had to speak to her about her behaviour towards us, and she has been warned that if she comes to our home again she will be arrested.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 29/05/2020 11:12

It's very possible that the MHP believes she has been a victim of coercive control. In my experience (child protection social worker) adult social care and medical professionals can get very drawn in to parents' narratives and lose objectivity and focus on the needs of the children. That doesn't mean that the judge or court will do the same.

Original poster
youchoosetheplace · 29/05/2020 19:55

@CodenameVillanelle I think this may be the case - she is an extremely paranoid person brought on I believe by her mental health problems. I believe she has a v skewed way of looking at things, and I think the reality would be very difficult for her to come to terms with.

OP posts:
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