How can I legally put off child contact?

[Nobodyknowsbutme]

Morning,
My ex went to prison for non violent sex offences. Some of them child related. Multiple. He was caught, I divorced him. We have kids and I blocked him from writing to them (well, social services did as well but I refused to go against them).

I have cut him off. We have moved house since and I haven't told him. He is due for release after 6years in prison. I am not allowing him access to our children.

He will definitely come for access to the children. Legally, I know he can take me to court for access and probably win in some way. How can I block this? Do I legally have to tell him we have moved? If he takes me to court for access and wins, would I be liable for costs? I feel like moving to another country!

I know nobody can give 100% advice but just wondering if I can block him or make the process take longer? What would my first step be?

I wouldn't do anything personally, and leave the ball in his court. But I would contact social services and explain that your kids' father is a child sex offender who is coming out of prison, then ask them what they'd advise regarding contact. I'd be very surprised if they tell you you've got to let him have them.

When all of this first happened and came out, social services and the police weren't too much help with advice (they were incredibly supportive but I guess because he hadn't been officially found guilty it was a grey area?).

They said that while he was awaiting trial he could have supervised contact (he wasn't allowed with anybody under age of 18 alone). However when I applied for proper supervised visits at a contact centre I didn't get it. So I had to do the visits and it was complete hell. I can not supervise his future visits and I'm not sure what I would be forced to do. He has nobody else to supervise with him as he has been disowned by his family.

You don't have to tell him you've moved.

He can apply to court. They will probably order a government department to tell the court (not him) where you are living. Your address can be kept from him.

Don't worry about what might happen. Face it if it comes but not before.

God the system is so fucked up. How old are the children op? Are they old enough to refuse to see him? I know it’s hard but I’d try not to worry about this too much. You don’t have to give him any info at all about yourself, that’s up to him to find out. If it does go to court then I guess you may have to pay if you want legal representation for yourself. Do you think there’s any chance of him actually applying for contact though?

But I would contact social services and explain that your kids' father is a child sex offender who is coming out of prison, then ask them what they'd advise regarding contact. I'd be very surprised if they tell you you've got to let him have them.

This is pointless. The OP doesn't want to allow contact and she doesn't need a social worker to tell her that she doesn't have to without a court order. However if he applies to court then the view of a random social worker won't have any bearing on the outcome.

OP what makes you think he will he given contact? How old are they?

He has written throughout the entirety of his sentence to me, telling me what an awful mother I am for not taking them to see him etc. He will definitely fight me for them. I suppose what could stop him is lack of any real paid work (thrown out of his job and not allowed back in that profession). Sorry, I'm trying to keep it vague.

Our children are not old enough to legally object they are between 7-11. I'm not sure they would either, they are an awkward age where they understand some bits but obviously not the nature of a sex crime. It has been so hard.

I've read about men who are violent and abusers who have been granted contact so it makes me wonder what someone has to do in order to not get access. I don't have a lot of faith.

Really good to know that I don't have to tell him I have moved. I will need to change my number too. I can't remember where but I read somewhere that I have to legally let him have some way of contacting me? My brain was fried when it all happened though. He literally destroyed our lives and I'm so proud that I got us through it.

I'm not an expert but I think that you can use an email as a legal means of contact.
So set up an email just for that and only check it periodically. It wouldn't give your location away.

Listen to what Collaborate says above, he is an experienced solicitor who gives good advice on this board.

Thank you, i am going to try not to worry until I am forced to. As long as I don't have to give him my address I can try to push it to the side.

Personally, and I know this sounds extreme, especially if you're now settled, I'd move and change surnames of you all.
Then he's got to find you all to be able to go to court.

Hi OP - I work in the prison and probation field so my knowledge more relates to people on licence rather than family law.

Is it the Parole Board releasing him or has he reached the halfway point of his sentence?

Have you had communication with his probation officer at all? Have social services been in contact - this is something that is routine for any prisoner that has children.

Usually with people being released having committed child sex offences regardless of whether they are contact offences will have licence conditions prohibiting contact with children either under 16 or 18 (but this can be dependent on sex).

@PolPotNoodle

When he was sentenced he was told he would be on the sex offenders register with conditions "indefinitely" so, if I remember correctly, it applies to not being alone with anyone under 18 even when he is out.

Have heard nothing from prison or social services. Social services contacted me before he was sentenced but when I told them he no longer lived with us and we were divorcing, they never bothered with us again and didn't want to become involved with any visitation stuff. I assume they decided I was enough of a protective measure for our children.

He is at the end of his sentence. In that, he pled guilty and only had to serve half. So yes, he will be out but for the next 6 years he will go straight back and serve the full term if he does anything wrong. I'm not sure I've got that 100% right but that's what I remember.

I did consider changing our names but the children were very upset at the idea and I didn't push it. He knows where my parents live etc anyway so only so much I can do. Not that they would ever tell him anything.

Okay @Nobodyknowsbutme what I would recommend (and again I'm advising as someone who works solely with prisoner related issues and nothing to do with family law) contact the probation office local to the court that he was sentenced at (if London contact the Borough where he lives) and ask to speak to his Probation officer. If they tell you he isn't at their office ask them to look up where he is managed and give you that number. They won't discuss his case with you unless you are in the victim liaison scheme however they will talk to you.

Ask them if Layer 3 of his OASys relating to children has been completed and confirm that he is high risk. Express your concern that contact with your children may lead to their emotional or physical harm if this is the case and that you wish for them to submit a social services referral in relation to your children. Ask them to confirm that a licence condition will be in place to prevent him contacting any children which would include your own.

You may also wish to discuss any previous issues with your relationship with the probation officer, this does not need to be things you have reported to the police. They will reflect it as 'allegations'.

Once he is in the community it is not as straightforward as him applying to the court and getting access if there are licence conditions in place. If probation do not agree with it (and it will be discussed at something called MAPPA which will involve social services) then he will be recalled for doing so. This includes indirect contact via a third party.

@PolPotNoodle thank you so much, I will have a go at contacting some people!

@PolPotNoodle can I just check I understand you completely? He has spent so long telling me I'm damaging our kids I struggle sometimes to see it for what he is.

So, when he comes out he will be on the sex offenders register and with that will be conditions relating to any child. This means he cannot just waltz out of prison and demand contact with our children. He might even be breaking some conditions for doing so.

I can contact his probation officer and clarify that I believe he is high risk. I don't believe he would physically hurt our children but I sadly do believe he will cause emotional damage (as he has already done with his actions). There are many things he has done to me that I can never tell the kids about. I can tell the probation officer and they will have a meeting about it.

Does that sound about right? I think I will write this all down and then perhaps phone them if he contacts me rather than before in case I prod something that doesn't need to be prodded!

So he’s a pedophile? You’ve said sex offences involving children - I can’t see any court in the land ordering a pedophile has access to children. Do not contact him, do not allow him to contact you and if he does go to the court you’ve his conviction of sex offences against a child to back up your no contact stance.

don't believe he would physically hurt our children

I don’t think you have to tell people what you think he wouldn’t do. It is enough to say he will cause them harm or emotional harm.