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Original poster

Help - court with abusive ex

16 replies

Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 05:58

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Help - court with abusive ex4
Yesterday 18:21Herewegoagain19891

So I was going to post in the legal section but I thought I would find more people who may have been through a similar situation as I on here.

Ex and I were together 6 years, he was extremely abusive emotionally. Pushed me into getting cosmetic surgery, stopped me from eating, told me I was worthless, threatened to push me down the stairs, sexually assaulted me the list goes on. After one of these assaults I become pregnant with my beautiful dd who is now 19 months. After he started being abusive to her (yelling, calling her a paki, little shit, threatening to hit her unless she shut up, wouldn't allow her to drink any liquids unless it was water even if she become dehydrated, wouldn't allow her to eat even if hungry for more food.. it goes on. Some of which I have documented on mumsnet and women's aid) I left him as I refused for her to live the life I had.

Now we are in court for access, obviously I'm saying only supervised access and he needs to sort out and rectify his issues. But the courts aren't even yet considering doing a section 7 report, I have given them 21 allegations, allegations which my ex says while they did happen are dramatised. So now dd is going to have some supervised session with exp and next month they want to discuss unsupervised accessshock. I have evidence and witness reports to his abusive behaviour, I have my threads on mumsnet from last year, ex saying these things happened and have reported it to ss so how can the courts not even think about doing an s7 or fact finding? Has anyone else had something similar happen to them ? I thought the court was there to do what's in the best interests of the child. Now I'm worried for my dd.

On top of that he is insisting with the courts that we coparent. In other words just wants to bully me further.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 05:59

Sorry copy and pasted from another section

OP posts:
ConfusedNoMore · 27/05/2020 06:05

Did he apply for contact or did you apply for child arrangements order?

In all my court proceedings, I'm sure I had to fill in a form (c1a or maybe a c100?) detailing abuse. You need to raise risk of harm with court.

I'm not sure why they wouldn't be ordering a section 7. You can apply for legal aid because of abuse though.

You need some legal advice.

Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 06:55

@ConfusedNoMore I applied, then ex made a cross application. I did fill out a c1 detailing a summary of the abuse then went into further detail in my statement.. however unsure if the judge read any of it as the necessary safe guarding checks hadn't been done and so the court couldn't make any interim orders. However ex did state that allegations had taken place but that I had dramatised and over exaggerated said events.

Cafcass said they couldn't do an s7 at the moment due to covid, the judge then said she wasn't yet sure she'd request one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 06:57

Speaking with a solicitor, women's aid and social services today but wanted to see if anyone had been through the same. Really seems like the judge is favouring dds dad

OP posts:
ConfusedNoMore · 27/05/2020 07:05

It is usual to have interim contact arrangements while they carry out section 7. My experience of family court is that it is a lottery. I've had v good judge and bluddy awful judge. It's good you've got support. I'm sorry though. Family Court is v difficult experience. Hope your appointments go well. Give us an update later if you can. Flowers

Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 08:02

@ConfusedNoMore thank you and I will do. The whole process is so stressful and I have exp acting like a saint. Had court in March he said he'd do a parenting course.. the day after court made an order for the next hearing ex does said parenting course online.

My issue is they aren't even carry out a s7, judge said depending on these supervised sessions she'll decide. Don't know if they think if the sessions go well that I'll just cave and say yes sure he can have unsupervised.

OP posts:
FenellaVelour · 27/05/2020 08:35

If your ex is disputing your allegations, I’d say the Court would need to have a finding of fact first, as they are serious matters potentially impacting contact. It’s not up to Cafcass to decide what happened, and any S7 will be hampered by unresolved allegations.

I wonder if they decided against a finding of fact because your ex accepted but minimised. I suspect that’s what has happened here and I find this very frustrating when the court takes this position.

Incidentally Cafcass are still working remotely and completing S7 reports - sometimes have to go back to the court and say “couldn’t answer the question as unable to do the work needed” (i.e. see the child in neutral place) but no reason for the court not to direct one.

FenellaVelour · 27/05/2020 08:37

And given that your child is 19 months old, they won’t be seeing her alone/at school/in neutral place anyway so can’t see why the work can’t be done remotely should the judge agree to a S7.

Have you applied for legal aid?

Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 08:52

@FenellaVelour, speaking to a solicitor today and they'll be apply for legal aid on my behalf.

Surely if ex admitted but minimised they should find out who's version of events are true? Especially when it affects contact.
Cafcass had already stated after a brief discussion before our last hearing (the last hearing was on paper so I didn't get to speak to anyone other than cafcass) these contact sessions will be enough evidence to prove whether my allegations have substance. Which to me is completely floored, obviously ex will be on best behaviour and dd hasn't seen him in 4 months.

On top of that his solicitors are trying to get me to pay half the costs of supervised contact as they argued I delayed the process by 4 weeks. Which isn't true, it took 5 days for me to receive the previous order which I raised my concerns about, within a period of 6 days I sought legal advice and communicated this back with solicitor and at the end suggested alternative arrangements until lockdown had ended. No response from his solicitors for a full week then when they did reply it was to say they had taken it back to court as they believed we couldn't come to an agreement.. 13 days later we had the hearing. I should have argued this in court yesterday but while looking after dd and trying to represent myself I couldn't have all the information in front of me. They also only told me they were going to argue this point ten minutes before the hearing which I didn't end up seeing as naturally I was looking after dd. Do you think I can bring this up in the next hearing ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 13:25

Solicitors said sometimes court doesn't order a man s7 if they feel the allegations will not affect the contact order.. I think by what I have stated above it would.

Also that she believes that the other party are bullying me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 13:25

Waiting for legal aid now so they can go into more detail

OP posts:
Justus77 · 27/05/2020 14:30

This is where you really do need representations. If you have all the evidence you have a strong case for insisiting on supervised contact. Your child is too young to inform you of her experience of wishes when it comes to her dad and with your evidence the Courts will see that its in her best interest.

That said - rightly and sometimes wrongly - the Courts will only not allow any contact in extreme cases and be prepared that the supervised will be in line with a progression in contact.

Good luck x

Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 20:17

Definitely need representation, I don't think it would have been as bad yesterday if I wasn't looking after 19 month old dd and trying to self rep

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 20:25

Posted too soon.

It's why I tried to have yesterday adjourned, but ex wasn't having it and courts assured me I wouldn't be disadvantaged by it all.. but look what happened. So definitely getting representation for next hearing if I can but I don't know how long legal aid will take as I have just over 3 weeks till the next hearing.

Spoke to another solicitor this afternoon who I had provide information too, solicitor this morning I was unable to do so. She basically said next hearing I need to push for a section 7, if contact goes well I'll really need to push and really that there should be a fact finding hearing. Really is so stressful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain19891 · 27/05/2020 20:30

@Justus77 I have always stated that I want dd to have a healthy relationship with her dad but at the moment that isn't possible but have said (reluctantly) supervised contact can go ahead however his behaviour is addressed there is to be no unsupervised contact. If he doesn't want to address those issues then I'd want no contact moving forwards. Basically giving him a chance here.. not for his sake but for dd. Do I think he'll ever change, no, do I hope for dd that he does yes.

OP posts:
Swlondon123 · 25/10/2020 21:44

@Herewegoagain19891

MENU Mumsnet

Talk Lone parents
Help - court with abusive ex4
Yesterday 18:21Herewegoagain19891

So I was going to post in the legal section but I thought I would find more people who may have been through a similar situation as I on here.

Ex and I were together 6 years, he was extremely abusive emotionally. Pushed me into getting cosmetic surgery, stopped me from eating, told me I was worthless, threatened to push me down the stairs, sexually assaulted me the list goes on. After one of these assaults I become pregnant with my beautiful dd who is now 19 months. After he started being abusive to her (yelling, calling her a paki, little shit, threatening to hit her unless she shut up, wouldn't allow her to drink any liquids unless it was water even if she become dehydrated, wouldn't allow her to eat even if hungry for more food.. it goes on. Some of which I have documented on mumsnet and women's aid) I left him as I refused for her to live the life I had.

Now we are in court for access, obviously I'm saying only supervised access and he needs to sort out and rectify his issues. But the courts aren't even yet considering doing a section 7 report, I have given them 21 allegations, allegations which my ex says while they did happen are dramatised. So now dd is going to have some supervised session with exp and next month they want to discuss unsupervised accessshock. I have evidence and witness reports to his abusive behaviour, I have my threads on mumsnet from last year, ex saying these things happened and have reported it to ss so how can the courts not even think about doing an s7 or fact finding? Has anyone else had something similar happen to them ? I thought the court was there to do what's in the best interests of the child. Now I'm worried for my dd.

On top of that he is insisting with the courts that we coparent. In other words just wants to bully me further.

how did it all end?
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