Short marriage - we just go back to what we had coming into the marriage don't we?

[Wrybread]

Just double checking as we're on friendly terms and thinking we'll just do a d81 rather than a form e:

Married for 18 months

I have two children from a previous relationship, low income but have about £100k in savings, small pension.

He has no children, no savings, a flat he'll be renting out, a slightly bigger pension.

I did get tax credits before we married and will no longer qualify for that or universal credit. Our plan is just to go back to how we were when we met. (although he's thinking he might give me something each month to help until the dc are grown) That's reasonable isn't it?

And for the d81, do I include:

• child maintenance I get from the dc's dad?
• dla for one of the dc?
• child benefit?

Why would he give you maintenance until the children are grown when they are not his ?

No he shouldn't help pay for your kids if you won't share your savings.

Going back to how you were before, means exactly that.

You can agree what you want to agree- I divorced after 4 years and we agreed to get back what we put in and split what we had accumulated together. If you are amicable and he agrees then that's fine.

Can't remember what I put on the form but it was pretty self explanatory, have you read the guidance?

Also agree he shouldn't give you anything each month, you are a grown up. Kids are not his.

So you have £100k savings and he has absolutely nothing yet you expect him to pay maintenance to you each month for children that arent his? Why on earth should he do this? Sounds very unfair.

Why is it reasonable for you to claim 2 sets of maintenance for the same children when you also have 100k in savings you don’t plan splitting in any way? Greedy.

He would have to be crazy to pay for your children when you have £100K in savings.

He’d be crazy to pay you maintenance for DC that are not his.

Do you have a property together?

I don't expect maintenance from him and haven't asked for it. He offered it because he knows I lost a lot per month in tax credits when I married him and won't get them back. He wants to make sure we're ok. As I said, we're still friends.

His flat is worth more than twice my savings, so it's not a case of not sharing, just going back to what we had before. And I actually spent £££££ paying off his mortgage and am not on the deeds. That's part of the £100k I have (he's going to pay me back)

We're going to try and do it without solicitors as much as possible so just want to make sure that a judge would be happy with us going back to how things were before.

A judge will definitely be fine with that.

I can't see anything wrong with what you are agreeing if you are both happy.

But if things get anything less than amicable, then... Are you confident he will still pay you back?

Also, how did you manage to amass 100k in savings as a single mum on tax credits??????? I used to be in that situation and barely broke even.

Do you have somewhere to live?

If he does start paying some form of maintenance I wouldn’t get too used to it. If he meets and settles down with someone else I’m sure as hell she will not be happy with that scenario. So many women seem to have issues with their husbands paying for their own children - let alone ex step children.

@Juanmorebeer maybe she sold her house to move in with him?

The dc dad and I used to own a home and after we split, we sold it so we could each buy a new one. But I can't get a mortgage on my salary and it's not enough to buy outright, so I had it in the bank trying to work out what to do. That's why I paid off my stbxh mortgage. The idea was that I'd be put on the deeds too, but he didn't get round to it.

He's agreed in writing that he's paying me back. Once we split he wanted to make sure that I knew I'd get my money back.

Laaalaaaa - yes that's what I think too.

One of my dc has a a couple of disabilities which were diagnosed while we were together. STBXH knows that I can't go back to full time working (which was my plan once the dc were a bit older) and wants to make sure we're ok.

I think he's thinking as if he'll always be single. He is also talking about leaving his flat to the dc in his will. I've had to gently talk to him about not promising things like that because his life may change if he meets a new partner.

If you reach agreement, both take independent legal advice and propose a consent order it is very unlikely a judge will interfere with it.

I think it is not right for you to accept an offer of monthly money from him

Take note of what @prh47bridge said...but make sure you get a consent order done as otherwise you could not ever have a true financial clean break and he could come back later (as could you)

Yes, we'll definitely get a consent order. We've got time as (although I could go for unreasonable behaviour) we want to keep things amicable and will do the two years separation thing. It would be good to have everything all agreed and drawn up when we file.