Father's visitation to a newborn? Shared Custody?

[Singlemum401]

Hi!
I'm due in November and I don't know what to expect that the father is entitled to once baby is born.
I'll have primary care and I'm planning to breast feed and I know he is going to want to have baby as much as he can.
He doesn't drive and lives over an hour away so it's not like he can just pop round for a visit either and I'm not going to be driving baby over an hour there and over an hour back multiple times a week just because he can't drive.
I can see him taking me to court for all I'm worth and I just want to have an idea of how it can work and what he will be legally entitled to?

I also don't want baby going on public transport for the first year because of all this COVID-19.

Poor bloke. Sounds like he's actually willing to face his (possible) responsibilities and is having every door shut in his face. You need to consider what is best for your child, not yourself.

Sounds like he's actually willing to face his (possible) responsibilities

Doesn’t sound like that at all. Sounds like he’s leaping at the chance to control OP. I can practically see him salivating and rubbing his thighs at the prospect.

Yes they would. However, contact for a baby would typically be something like a couple of hours once a week.

Two hours away from mum for a breastfed baby? Really? What’s that based on? Not what’s best for the child certainly.

He gets nothing unless and until paternity is proved if he causes a fuss explain it's in his best interests because it's easy to put your name on a birth certificate and hard to remove it so he could end up being the LEGAL father with all the rights and responsibility ie financial but not the biological father and if the childs biological father wants to see the child the poor thing could be split three ways seeing you dad number one and dad number two so test FIRST

There are three names on the birth certificate yours the fathers and the babys the babys surname does NOT HAVE to be the fathers it can be yours again as you are not married you can insist the child has your last name

Child maintenance is not for you it's for the child take it and bank it for when the child is grown

He doesn't sound like a poor bloke to me. He sounds like a bully who is determined to over-ride the wishes of the mother, and has absolutely no respect for her and her baby's need for calm and peace.

Thank you for your sensible comments

@Windyatthebeach

Wait until you know for sure this man is your child's father!

Don't let him be the birth and tell hospital you don't want him to visit. They can stop him coming on the ward.

I wouldn't actually tell him your in labour, just once baby is here.

Your within your rights to refuse visitation at your home and to call the police if he's harassing you or causing trouble at your home.

Get the DNA test sorted ASAP and then go through court to sort access.

Contact him after the baby is born. Have the hospital know that he's not allowed in the room if he does find out.

Register the baby with your name then once paternity test is done, Dad can have his surname added and his name added to the birth certificate.

The Dad who lives 2.5 hours away wont get overnights. Suggest that he takes you to mediation and explains how he proposes he has contact. Do you have someone like your mum who can be at contact just in case?

What’s that based on? Not what’s best for the child certainly.

It is absolutely based on what is best for the child. In general the courts are of the view that time with the father is more important than breastfeeding. However, they won't order long periods away from the mother as that is not good for the baby regardless of whether or not it is being breastfed.

Being away from mum for a couple of hours won't stop the baby being breastfed.

Being away from mum for a couple of hours won't stop the baby being breastfed.

It will for those two hours! How do you suppose baby breastfeeds from a distance? Big long hose?

Don't double barrell the baby's name or have him at the birth.

Don't think about how he is going to travel to see the baby.

Maybe he is going to be an amazing father but none of these things are going to make him a better or worse father.

It will for those two hours! How do you suppose baby breastfeeds from a distance? Big long hose?

By the time the courts award contact the baby will be several months old and should be able to go a couple of hours without a feed.

So not a newborn then, as I was clearly discussing in my post and that OP clearly expressed in her thread title.

By the time the courts award contact the baby will be several months old and should be able to go a couple of hours without a feed

The problem is that some Bf babies of several months old can’t read.

You do no know for sure who the father is so I would not include any potentials fathers in any of your plans for now. It is better to have no father at the birth and no father listed on the birth certificate than the wrong one. You need to think of you and the baby, it is your health and well being - this is not about promoting a healthy relationship with a controlling man that may not even be the father. You have to be selfish in this matter and protect yourself/your baby at the main concern. I would reduce contact now and not tell him when you are in labour, I would not name him on the birth certificate at all. I would limit all social media activity and anything else that he can be use to spy on you. I would stop trying to promote a healthy relationship because what you need to focus on is you. You need to back off because feeding him information is fuelling his control over you. He cannot do anything about what he does not know. Please listen to the mothers here who have dealt with this, they have the wisdom because they have lived it - you need to put yourself first in this situation.

Don’t have any contact with him now. Tell him you will contact him after the baby is born about paternity logistics.
Don’t tell him when you are having the baby, none of his business, you have no obligations there.
Register the baby with your name only. If it turns out he is the father and wants it changed to be double-barrelled he can organise that legally later.
As for contact, do t stress. If he is the father tell him he needs to commence mediation to detail how he will have contact in this case - living a few hours away, no car, small baby etc. He would need to travel to you and meet in a park for an hour or so.

You can't be certain who the father is, so don't be putting anyone down as the father on the BC.

Have a DNA test when you are ready, and let's hope this bloke isn't the father. You were dating for only a month, and yet he sounds quite controlling by insisting on what he wants to happen.

You don't have to have him present at the birth, you are the patient and he has no rights to intrude

If he is the father, he won't be given overnight contact just yet, he'll have to work up to that from spending an hour, 2 hours initially.

If you want some peace, perhaps hand over all contact to someone else to deal with him? If you were my DD, I'd be happy to be the intermediary.

Oh, and give the baby your surname, not his, as it's not even confirmed he's the father.

I believe Prh47bridge is a family lawyer therefore her opinion carries a lot of weight.

Hi just bumping this in case OP is still on mums net- what happened? Can you update us? I'm in a similar situation now so would be very interested to know

@Singlemum401 can you update us?