Seperation - Housing Children

[JetSetGo]

Hi,

I need your advice in regards what you deem fair in regards a seperation agreement on our family home. Girlfriend and I are seperating after 26 years. Were not married and have three children in full time education, ages 7,17, and 19.

We have joint tenancy on the house so both own outright and proceedings from sale split 50/50.

She blames me entiraly for relationship fail due to drinking (4 cans lager at home nightly) for 15 years. Its controlled in regards set amount and i've given up before in the past. No spirits, just my usual lager. Im abstaining at the moment due to her anger and her threatening "court proceedings" in regards right to stay in the house. Shes been no angel either. Emotionally abusive, controlling (texting me constantly on nights out), argumentative and various secret phones over the years. That being said i've been a good father and do more with the kids than she does. Due to her shifts and weekend work I'd say childcare is 50/50 between us. Perhaps even more in my favour.

Anyway the relationship is toxic and we both want (and need) out. Im moving out of the 4 bed family home to rent a 2 bed flat.

So the question is the house. And i want to be fair for the children. I dont owe anything to her as we arent married. My only duty is to the children.

The house has a small joint mortgage remaining of 8 years. Mortgage is 3.5 times lower than renting.

Even with her half of the house equity (about 275k) she wouldnt be able to afford to buy her own 4 bed house on her part time wage (16k) in order to house herself and 3 dependents, however she can rent easily. Moving to a cheaper area would disrupt the little one from school. Also it would be more difficult for me to see the children.

So our only option is to temporarily defer the sale on the house. Girlfriend and kids stay in house for an agreed time period until kids older. She is happy to pay mortgage and bills
leaving me to pay rent on a flat (thats twice the amount of the house mortgage). For me rent is money wasted but nothing I can about this.

Obviously until the house is sold my equity is locked up. Also unless the mortgage is transferred to her entiraly, should i want to move on and buy a new house i'll have to get a 2nd mortgage.

We agreed to defer sale for 5 years, however friends of hers have told her to fight for more and consider deferring the sale until oldest is 18 which is in 11 years! After 8 years there will be no mortgage to pay so she is living there free and I'll still be paying 1500 a month still to rent somewhere as I cannot move on until my half of the house is sold.

In 11 years I will be 58, and eldest children 30 and 28. I doubt if they will still be at home. So is it fair that my girlfriend is allowed yo stay in our 4 bed house for 11 years when it wont be neccessary in later years?

I just to avoid court as legal costs are very expensive, although I expect the courts will tell her to 1) start earning more money (go fulltime) 2) the house has to be sold. Thats tough shit and you can use your 275k to rent somewhere like everyone has to do.

Thanks

Compromise on 8 years? This would be until the mortgage is paid off. And the middle child is 25. Therefore both older children likely moved out even if went to uni in the area. Youngest would also be 15 and old enough to understand you don’t need a 4 bed house for 2 people.

Yes, maybe. Its just I do not believe she is entitled to it, as does my solicitor. She seems to think so however, as does her solicitor lol. Why can both sides be so different. The law for cohabiting couples really does need tightening up. Could be worse I suppose, I could have been married! At least she cant claim anything financially from me to her.

It’s subjective and each side will go to what they think is best for their client. My husbands mum got everything until both children were 25 (they were married though) and kept the house. She only had 2 children and a 3 bed. I think it’s worthwhile saying through lawyers that you want to provide for the kids until they are of age to provide for themselves but that a 4 bedroom house is not needed when only one of them will not be of age to be earning themselves. Compromise on 15 or 16 and be glad she’s not said all 3 to 25.

Thank you for everyones post. We've had a breakthrough today. My girlfriend has had a good chat with her solicitor and, following this, we have agreed 5 years is fair and to try to avoid further disagreements to avoid unneccessary legal costs. Shes even offering to help pay for some essentials I'll need to move into an unfurnished property such as kettle, bed etc. I think her solicitor may have told her to wake up and get real.