Documentation of gift towards house deposit

[mindutopia]

Dh and I have been fortunate that my mum and stepdad have been willing to gift some money towards our house deposit (from my eventual inheritance). House purchase is currently paused because the lender has been waiting for restrictions to be lifted so that the valuation could be completed. We are hoping this will be completed soon though and that we can exchange/complete by July.

During lockdown it's come to my attention that stepdad has a very troubling criminal record from before he met my mum. I suspect she has no idea, but I can't know for sure. It's troubling enough that we will go NC as a result. My concern is that when we do, stepdad and/or my mum may try to cause issues related to this gifted money (for example, trying to tell the lender it was a loan rather than a gift, or whatever else they might be able to do to generally cause us grief).

My question is: what sort of documentation should be make sure we have in place so that there can be no dispute related to the nature of this money?

We already have a signed gift letter from them, which is on file with our mortgage advisor, the lender and with our solicitor. They have also completed a separate form confirming the money was a gift with our solicitor. And I have copies of emails back and forth discussing it (for example, them saying how much they would like to contribute, us emailing to say thank you when the bank transfer was received). I obviously also have all the financial records of the transfer, etc. Do we need anything else to protect ourselves?

Also, is this something we should mention to our solicitor? By that, I mean our concerns that they may try to claim the gift is not a gift and to explain to solicitor the reason why (they we have information on stepdad's past criminal convictions). I am inclined to discuss it with the solicitor, so that it is on file, but dh is nervous because he thinks that will somehow cause us even more problems and that it's better for now to just pretend we are none the wiser and just complete and hope for the best.

Are you more worried about the cash than your dm? If it's worth going nc for shouldn't she be made aware op?

I understand that you want to buy the house, but surely if you are planning on going no contact you don't really want to take money from them? Is there any other way for you to buy the house?

Definitely raise this with your solicitor. The fact that it will be on their file will only help you; they won't be able to disclose it to anyone else because of their duty of confidentiality. They may recommend a Deed of Gift. That said, I'd be a bit morally uncomfortable taking money from someone I knew I was then going to stop speaking to.

? So you want to keep quiet until you get the cash, then cut them off?

Another thought: were his crimes financial? If they were, I'd be very careful that none of the money you were receiving could in any way relate to the proceeds of crime. I think you'd be better off all round not accepting it TBH.

That sounds very odd, that you're in a good enough relationship with them now and your mum is giving you a lot of money, but immediately afterwards you'll cut her off.

If your step dad is bad news, wouldn't you do better just warning your mum about it?

It sounds like you have already completed all the legal documents proving that the money was gifted.

So your going to take money from your own mother then cut her off?...give the cash back save for your own house and speak to your mother about her husband like an adult
I hope they do go back on their gift if you do this, you deserve it

This makes very uncomfortable reading. Why would you cut them off and then firstly expect money for a house deposit but also further inheritance. What exactly is this criminal past that would cause you to do this? they are your family and assuming he has turned his life around it seems bizarre unless something so abhorrent and he is still a risk you have no choice.

If his criminal record is so worrying that you are going to go no contact, why would you still be accepting a gift from them?!

It was before he met your mum so I'm guessing he's changed. If he's never done anything personally towards your or your mom, I don't see the problem. How do you even know he has a criminal record? My uncle was in and out of prison until he had a son and now he's a completely different person. I find it awful you would cut them out of your life but you will accept their money??

I should clarify. The money has already been gifted. We plan to go NC with my stepdad. Unfortunately, the crimes were child sex offenses.

I love my mum, but I need to about this gently so I will not be telling her right away. The crimes happened 15 years ago and she’s been living happily with him all this time. She would struggle to live on her own if they divorced and they live in another country. She would not move to the UK so if they split up she will have no one (I’m her only living family member). She’s also just recovered from cancer.

Yes, I’m quite happy to take the money she has gifted. We’ve always had a close relationship, and some of this money comes from when my dad died (his life insurance policy).

But I also know that she is quite emotionally entangled with stepdad. Literally her world would collapse without him and I am concerned about her, but also about his manipulation tactics. I’m seeing a counsellor to work through how to deal with the fallout from this.

But in the meantime, because we have already accepted this gift, I’m smart to know I don’t want to be in a position of being investigated for mortgage fraud (for something I haven’t done wrong), if stepdad wants to punish us for ruining his life. His children already are NC with him and he’s crafted quite a nice little narrative about how awful they are (which didn’t make sense until all this came out).

It’s a terrible enough situation but I don’t want it to be made any worse by having extra legal and financial problems on top of what’s already happened.

So your step dad is a paedophile and you're going to keep it from your mum? That's very strange OP, surely you would of already told your mum the second you found out, she has a right to know?

I should add that while the gift is from my mum, legally it is from both of them as they only have joint accounts.

You really need to tell your mother before you accept the gift or stay well out of it.

I can't believe you're at a point where you will cut ties but will still accept his money.

You seem fixated on the gift and not the actual problem here. How do you know he's not still doing it? If he is your poor mum that is none the wiser could be implicated and accused of knowing what he's up to? Are you money mad? Can't your mum live with you considering she's helped towards your deposit

I didn’t ever say I would keep this from her, but I am waiting until I have additional information (otherwise she just won’t believe me) and until I get some professional advice. Unfortunately, this is the second time we’ve had to go through this recently. Another family member was also found out to have a history of child sex offences (in dh’s family) and what happened after that was really distressing to their partner and caused years of pain. I don’t want to see my mum go through that.

She has already accepted the gift and quite clearly doesn't want to give it up in a hurry or tell her DM that her husband is a paedophile

I’m fixated on the money because I asked in legal matters, specifically related to the money. It’s not at all my primary concern.

OK, you need to tell her before you spend the gift, in the expectation that you may have to return it. You can't argue that it you money or your Mother's money. If they are married it's their money.

In that case return the gift and say you don't want it. If you can accept his money after what you know then you clearly have no morals

This is fucking insane.

I can't possibly imagine keeping a secret like that for more than 5 seconds. Your mum deserves to know immediately

It does sound pretty immoral to take his money really if you think he’s that bad you don’t want contact with him anymore. Had he got the money through his criminal activity? It also changes your mother’s situation if she might want to leave over it - it might find her getting a new house..

Imo you are quite a despicable dd op...

Honeyroar makes an excellent point. Your mother may need this money after you drop this bombshell.