Post Nuptial Agreement

[Marmadukedukeduke]

My husband and I have decided to separate at the start of the year (before lockdown) but then decided to try co-habiting for the children's sake for as long as it'll work. It's not working for me and I really want to get out this marriage as soon as possible.
Last week he raised the issue of a post nuptial agreement to settle the way our assets will be split in case of separation.
Is this something that will be beneficial for both of us or just a way for him to protect his assets?
For reference:
He's the higher earner (about double my salary - I work 4 days)
He has substantial savings (around 25k) vs my £4k ish.
We split all bills and childcare costs 50/50
I took 10 months off for our first child (now 4) and 8 months for our second (15 months). I continued paying 50/50 for around half of my mat leave he then paid a larger amount for the remainder whilst I was on SMP
We own our house jointly, I put a 40k deposit down when we bought it. There's about 220k in equity in it (unless there's a massive housing crash)
He has a substantial pension pot. Mine is reasonable but nowhere near as big as his. (I'm five years younger, earned less, children etc)
I've just found out that he also owns 1/6th of his mum's property (around 30-40k). Something to do with her care in Old age.

I believe it is his mum's house portion that he is really trying to protect to ensure that it stays with him and isn't included in any divorce settlement which I can understand.

Would a post nuptial agreement be in my benefit? Is there anything I should be wary off? Is there anything better that we should be doing? I have no interest in hurting his mum. Neither do I want to see him out on the streets (not going to happen of course) but I also want to ensure that my sacrifices to my career due to having children are taken into account as well as the imbalance of payments thus far with me paying half whilst earning significantly less.

Advice greatly appreciated.

I wouldn’t in your shoes but it could be interpreted as hostile. It’ll cost two rounds of legal fees to agree something that you’re prepared to agree in a settlement anyway, and in a document which is persuasive but not binding. It’s a question of him trusting you in his mother’s house share really. I’d suspect an underlying agenda from him in wanting this signed so strategically (if you are anticipating a separation in the near / mid future, maybe get him to submit his opening draft as it will show his hand. On that basis it might be helpful to see, but I wouldn’t bother spending time and money (& emotional energy) negotiating it.

It doesn't make any sense at all if you are to separate/divorce. It will cost enough to get to a consent order so pointless doing a post nup, which isn't binding and presumably being done to protect his assets?

No, I most definitely would not do this if I were in your shoes. If you play your cards right you will get substantially more than 50% of joint assets.

Collect and copy all financial information, including pensions. And see a competent family solicitor.

No. Agree nothing without legal advice. I think he's trying to rip you off. Starting line is 50/50 all assets.

I've just found out that he also owns 1/6th of his mum's property (around 30-40k).

How have you found this out? On the basis of this alone I would not be entering into any sort of agreement with him, he's not been transparent about his assets. He could have other investments tucked away you know nothing about. How did he manage to keep that secret from you?

@mineswine he actually told me himself when he brought up the post nup, but I suspect there's other reasons too. He's incredibly calculating and I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

@FlowerArranger I've actually took photographs of all his financial information at the end of last year as a precaution. Didn't realise I'd need it as quickly but glad I did.

Thanks @HermanHermit that's good advice. I spoke to a family solicitor in January to get an idea of the process etc. Will contact them again but thought it would be good to have some idea as to what to ask etc.

Get the document, as I suspect it will speak volumes as to integrity and intention- lucky that you have copies of a relatively recent position. No skin off your nose for him to incur the drafting fees but get your lawyer to forward it without review if you don’t want to rack up costs

A post nuptial settlement in your circumstances is really just working out the financial settlement on the divorce. Don't agree to anything without legal advice.

It's quite a expensive process and not legally binding. Me and dh looked into when I I vested all of redundancy in the house. It would cost me at least 1.5k and him 1k. We are happily married and I couldnt see him shafting me over. However i could see his family encouraging him to bleed me dry. It's weighing up lots of things but I doubt they are ever beneficial to anyone except the requstor