Father avoiding contact with children/contact order

[em90792]

Where do I stand with a contact order if the father has stopped seeing his children during covid19, and hasn't kept up regular contact (video calls)? Does anyone know?

It's a bit long winded to explain all but hes been pretty useless since we split 3 yrs ago. Disappeard. Took me to court after about a year and half of no contact which was pointless as I was pro contact. He was awarded with what I was offering outside court. Hes kept to it for around a year, unless he had better plans (work, holiday, trip) was seeing them fortnightly and has stopped and not seen for 9 weeks. We originally agreed 2 video calls a week which he told the children the days etc but has so far made 4 calls in 9 weeks. And of course the children are aware as he told them when he would call...

They are 5 and 6yrs.

Where do I stand? He requested the original contact order and while i have absolutely no issue with contact I do feel it should be consistent. I appriciate there is a pandemic but there is no excuse to not video call..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Also to add, when I suggested we may see a change in gov guidelines in next couple weeks he laughed and said no nothing will change this will be how it is for months... so I dont think this contact situation will change for a while.

Has he said why he's not seeing them?

Because it's too high risk... thats why he wont see them in person. Weve not had any reasons for no video calls.

I have suggested as gov say it's ok for separated parents to have children he see them maybe which I got a definite no. Very aggressive. Then I suggested he come take them for a walk (their daily excircise) once a week if video calls weren't working (wash hands before he takes them, I can wash children when back) to which I got a similar response and then the above message about how Boris wont be changing anything so he doesnt intend on having physical contact with them for months....

Obviously that would be more manageable if he was actually video calling...

Both households are sticking to the current guidelines, so I dont see it as a huge risk as long as we were all sensible however I cant force physical contact...

You can’t force contact.

I agree... but where do I stand in say 3/6 months time when he hasn't bothered... legally? They are children, and have feelings and so on. You cant just pick up and drop off when you feel like being a parent. I dont know where I stand in regards to him not bothering for months then changing his mind...

Legally, if there is a Child Arrangements Order, it will still stand. If you want it changed you will have to go back to court.

Make a note of every time he fails to keep contact.

Why on Earth are you pushing it?

If my ex didn’t want to see my children, no bloody way am I pushing my children on to someone who doesn’t want to see them.

As long as he keeps to his financial obligations, don’t push it

Oh he doesnt keep to any financial obligations but that is another issue that wont ever change..

I agree with you @sodamncold but what will happen is in 3 months or 6 months I'll get abuse and be dragged back to court because I've said I'm not comfortable with him waltzing back in and seeing them like nothing happened after not bothering for 6 months...

My issue is my children have had no contact from him for over 2 weeks now, nearly 3 and that he has avoided seeing them full stop and has made promises to video call and then not bothered and I wanted to know what happens when I turn around and say you need to build that relationship back up. Every time he doesnt call when he said he would he does damage.

We dont currently follow the contact order as it's been extended, so in theory I asume worst case legally I have to go by what that is... but will I be in the wrong to not continue the current pattern we have in place if he doest see/contact them a certain amount in a certain amount of time? What's acceptable in courts eyes, what's not? How long do I let him carry on not bothering? Am I expected to encourage him to see them? Do I have to tell him I'm not ok with it? I dont know where I stand with the contact order being in place...

I wanted to know what happens when I turn around and say you need to build that relationship back up

What happens is that he can take you to court to enforce the existing order. If you don't want to comply you either take that chance or go back to court and ask for the order to be varied. I doubt that the courts would see a temporary lapse in contact due to the risks of Covid-19 as a valid reason to stop or reduce contact.

They are very young so don’t tell them a video call is planned until he is actually ringing.
Then they won’t be disappointed.

He’s a fool and you need to protect them from him letting them down. That means not telling them about plans.

Keep a note of when he fails to keep to a video call.

The fact he is saying he doesn’t want to see them due to current situation, even if not entirely true, will be accepted as a valid reason.

Unfortunately the eldest (6yrs) knows the days of the week and somehow manages.to work out the day... I havent mentioned the video calls whatsoever but he seems to notice generally.

I appreciate that not seeing them would be considered valid in court but zero/minimal contact? Surely there is no excuse. I have been more than acommodating. looking at the guidance in court/legal websites of course I only find examples of when a parent wants to see them and cant but it makes it clear that regular contact should take place and if not physical should be via video call.

In short
No court can force a parent to have contact
Why? Because a parent fighting contact is not a good parent
So let that idea drop. You don’t have a case. No court will force contact. Period.

At 6 you can gently explain that you don’t think there’s going to be regular calls with dad but whenever he rings - you will immediately pass over phone so he can be the first to pick up. Then move on

My dds dad visits and sees her in the garden for his usual days. (Only like for 1 hour at time) His mums high risk so he won’t have her again over night until she’s stop shielding

Hope he sorts it out op.

Just to clarify, I dont intend on taking legal action... if he doesnt want to bother that is fine. It's the up and down I disagree with.

I think its damaging to the children to see them, stop, and repeat... I think consistency is really important and wondered where I stood when he changes his mind and no doubt will attempt to take me back to court if I disagree with whatever he suggests. He has threatened court numerous times since the order was put in place when he basically hasn't got his way.

I have never stopped contact without a valid reason and to be honest think I may of stopped 1 or 2 visits due to illness/commitments when he has wanted to change his dates since the order was put in place. He has cancelled maybe a quarter of visitation dates in the past year and a half. I have always been accommodating and encouraged contact etc but at the same time do feel at some point I need to put my foot down and say either be consistent or dont bother because its starting to effect them, in particular the eldest.

I have said I dont know when Daddy will be calling when asked but my child points out Daddy said these days and hasn't called why would he do that. I say maybe hes busy or working but I then get an upset 6yr old who says why isnt daddy nice. It's a really hard conversation and I just dont know what the right answers are!