Legal rights on knowing where 2 month son is

[Cariad2020]

Just wanted to know if anyone could help me in terms of the law and what's legal

I have a two month old baby with my ex husband who has PR. He left me very suddenly and without warning while pregnant but the reasons for leaving me were not for domestic abuse.

He will not tell me his address and it's made me uncomfortable that my baby was going to an address I didnt know about, I don't even know the town.

I have recently stopped visitation as I asked for his address and he wouldn't give it me.

Since then, he hasn't seen his son on two occasions and threatening me with solicitors.

I have contacted Citizens advice which has resulted in me organising a MIAM assessment to see whether we are eligible for mediation. I have informed him of this, but received no response.

Where do I legally stand in terms of address? If this went to court would the judge go in his favour that I do not need to know where my son is staying on visitation?

Thanks in advance

How can he legally have visitation with a newborn without you present? I thought babies had to be far older before visits were without the mother present?

Of course he can legally have his child without the mother present. There is no law against that.

OP - why do you feel the need to know his address? You clearly should have a way of contacting him in an emergency but that doesn't mean you have to know his address. Unless you have a good reason it is unlikely that the judge will order him to disclose his address. The general principle is that you have no right to control where he takes your son or what he does with him while your son is in his care. Equally, he has no right to control where you take your son or what you do with him while he is in your care.

Unless there is a good reason to withhold the address a court would usually expect it to be disclosed. Harassment, domestic abuse etc are possible reasons to withhold it otherwise you each should know the other's address.

I just wouldn’t give up my two month old baby without a number, an address, a civilised enough relationship to be able to ring and check and less than 10 minutes drive away. Don’t give a fuck what anyone says I would not. Never.

By way I was a single Mother but all the above terms were met. Didn’t do overnights with dad until about 18 months. Gradually eased up from about 2 hrs max to about 6 hrs max at a year.

I wouldn't hand over a newborn baby for contact without an address - what if they don't come back?

You can't serve any legal paperwork without an address so you can't even take him to court if he takes the baby away.

At this point, OP, I would be telling him that you're not comfortable with contact being so vague and you want to formalise the arrangements by letter. This is sensible anyway, especially if you do end up going to court in the future.

If he still won't give you the address, I would ask him for his solicitor's contact details so that you can write to him via his solicitor. Then at least you can serve notice on him if you ever need to, and can also write to him that way to formalise contact (including stating where contact will take place).

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to want to know where your newborn baby is - it's not like they can talk to tell you and I would feel the same. The fact he won't tell you would concern me too - he may well just be doing it to wind you up (best case scenario) or there might be some reason he doesn't want you to know.

It's very difficult to co-parent with someone who's being evasive with basic facts as it obviously makes parents worry about the reasons for hiding such basic information. Hopefully he's just rubbing his hands with glee at making you so worried and isn't taking your baby to a crack den, though!

The police if you called them would not make him return the child if he decided not to. They wouldn’t go looking for him if you didn’t know the baby’s whereabouts but was with it’s father. You really need that address and to check it’s real

It's really appalling that anyone is expected to hand their baby over (and yes, I know it's to the father) without knowing where they're going to be. The power imbalance is absolutely huge. And what can the police do if he doesn't return the baby? You wouldn't even have an address.

Are you breastfeeding? Absolutely no way I'd be handing over a 2 month old. No way on earth. You should be there absolutely all of the time.

My DS didn't stay overnight with his dad until he was around 3. With a good relationship with an ex I imagine it could be sooner, but not with such a tiny baby and you're right not to let him take the baby at all until you know where he lives. I think baby is too small for him alone for a while, especially as he fucked off literally leaving you holding the baby. Refusing to give you his address rings alarm bells, he might refuse to give him back for hours, who knows.

This is such a strange website. Had the roles been reversed there would have been no shortage of posters saying that there must be some valid reason why the other parent didn't want to share their address with OP and they should just suck it up.

The risk of what to do if the child is not returned is the same whether or not OP knows the address. The address can easily be found out through the police, HMRC, Benefits Agency or other public bodies, and the court would make such an order when asked, without notice, to make an urgent Child Arrangements Order.

I've seen plenty of cases where the court has ordered contact between an infant as young as 6 months and the father. None sooner because of course it takes time to get from the stage of issuing the application to the first substantive hearing, so it's unwise for OP to take the personal preferences of some of the posters on this thread and assume that gives her guidance of how the courts would approach her case.

Tbh if a woman had upped and left her newborn baby without even giving an address she would be considered neglectful at the least. I don't know what courts would say but a 2-3 month old baby is completely vulnerable and a desire to protect the baby, which includes knowing where it is, is perfectly natural and normal.

Don't get me wrong - the double standards do work both ways and a woman who leaves her children with the father can be treated appallingly. But that isn't what this thread is about. It's about the right of each parent to know where the other is living. Look at all the threads where mothers are supported for not wanting the the father to know where they and the child have moved to.

True, this is in legal after all. All I can say is OP, it's always best to be amicable, but don't let ex walk all over you. And that may mean 'fighting' re: sensible access for a tiny baby (that won't stress the baby - baby's needs come first), and also getting proper CM in place etc.

For such a small infant the court would only award contact little and often. Won't be overnight initially. Maybe a couple of hours at a time subject to feeding and sleep patterns.

I had all these worries when pregnant but they turned out to not be a real issue. I stuck to my guns and set out what I felt was acceptable which was a slow build up.
Do t listen to the bullshit etc about men having equal rights. Babies need to be with their Mothers and should not be taken away from them for anymore than 2/3 hrs max. He won’t take you to Court it’s too expensive and even if he did the judge will only give him short bursts of access at that age anyway.
The offer is there for him to see the baby but he’s being a stubborn prick. Fuck him.

Personally I’ve never yet seen a judge who hasn’t ordered the parents to disclose their address to the other, where there are no safeguarding reasons for it to be kept confidential. The judges in the courts that I attend seem to take the view that, unless there is a risk involved, parents should know where their children are.

During court preceedings I moved. Exh was given my address. Judge said he was entitled to know where the dc were..
I read your previous post. Glad you have stopped contact. Please remember although you rate your dc having a relationship with the df as - your mh is also vital for good parenting. Your baby needs you feeling stable above seeing their df...

Your baby needs you feeling stable above seeing their df...

Oh if only that was true. Carcass told me if I killed myself as a result of his behaviour he’d be given the children so it was a pointless exercise... my topping myself. Not him stopping pushing me to the point where it was even being considered.