Email about supervised Skype

[Juststopamoment]

I’ve just had an email from the applicants (grandparents seeking access) asking a company that supervises Skype sessions and makes notes for court, for costs to do this with my children. I was copied in. I haven’t agreed to this. The court order doesn’t say they can do this. They (applicant’s solicitor) are dictating how often it will happen and they want to start this week. I had no idea. Can they do this? And will I have to pay towards it if it does go ahead? I’m very aware that there may implications if I say no ie it will look like I am obstructing the relationship but they haven’t had a relationship for over 2 years and it seems very presumptuous and intrusive.

What does the order say?

It doesn’t mention contact before the hearing at all. The magistrate asked me if I would allow contact. I said only if supervised and now I’ve received this email. The other solicitor hasn’t contacted me at all previous to this. There’s been no discussion. And I definitely don’t agree to a third party recording them and writing notes for the court. I’m sure the applicants can behave when they know they are being recorded and then use it for their own benefit in court but it’s when they are on their own with the children that’s the problem. But can I say no?

It didn’t even occur to me that a comment I made would be used like this.

It’s not supervised contact as a recognised and validated contact centre, so I would say no. It’s not what you agreed. I would be very unhappy if the sessions were recorded and transcripts made. Where would this information and data be kept? Who would have access to it?

I’m not legally qualified - just my opinion. It sounds very controlling to me.

No, I wouldn't agree to this, it is emotionally abusive to the children to have a third party listening in and recording their conversation in transcripts.

Usual supervised contact is at a contact Centre - which isn't currently available during covid19 lockdown or with parent or family member supervising in person. You can do that when they are being Skyped if need be, the recording their chatter method is not appropriate by a third party listening in, would be too intrusive and would be open to misuse.

How old are your DC? There's no reason you can't supervise Skype conversations and I expect if they are old enough, your DC would express unhappiness with this.

I’m going to say no. Thanks for all your comments. As far as I’m concerned there wasn’t any court ordered contact so I don’t have to agree to anything. And I’m quite surprised a solicitor would suggest this.

The solicitor probably suggested it because the other party are paying them to do so. Requests like this are just like a solicitor’s letter - meaningless - you have no legal requirement to comply with the contents of any email as it’s not court ordered contact.

They will have suggested it because they obviously can't see them in person at the moment.
They will use the fact you said no against you most likely.
They don't get to set out the rules of anything you do. They can make suggestions but they don't get to set out schedules etc just because it suits them.
Makes you wonder what they plan to discuss that they need it all recording by a 3rd party.
Could you speak to your solicitor for advice? Or at least email back saying they need to go through your solicitor for any discussions of contact before court.

What does your solicitor say?

I think they are trying to establish contact without a court order, taking the opportunity of the court being closed.

Its tricky because you haven't said you object to contact outright and they could argue that why would you refuse this suggestion if that was the case.

I would get advice from your solicitor

I would be very careful . No contact in over 2 years . I would be very careful what you are accepting , they are grandparents not parents- there is no obligation to make contact happen.

Depends non why you don’t want contact. How old are children, do they want contact?

I'd say no, you already said in court your be willing to with contact centre and justify it with they'd need constant supervision from you etc, (do you have a suitable device, are they old enough to focus, are you working from home so busy?) rather than not wanting them to have the contact, and that you're absolutely still willing to go to contact centre (if this is true!) Once they are reopened. Say (without apologising!!) how unfortunate it is that this has all happened and you hope it is over quickly so you can come to a suitable arrangement - you won't seem like you are preventing it as much then as that it is genuinely difficult for you.

What I was suggesting for future contact was Skype with me present sitting in the room but not next to them. They have said stuff to the kids denigrating me since my eldest was 3 years old. So indirect contact. I wouldn’t want the children to go to contact centres. I’ve got to tread very carefully as even when I’ve been nice to them and allowed contact they’ve used it against me saying oh she let us see the children then. I’ve got a barrister for the hearing but don’t have a solicitor.

There’s other stuff as as well. I’ve had a non molestation order against the grandmother but the court said that it had been dealt with so didn’t really look at that at all.

Don’t let it go ahead.

They have been given leave of the court to apply this doesn’t mean they will get access. If they have regular established contact with the children this can be used against you by saying that you have allowed this, or that the children are now used to the contact and to end it would cause the children emotional harm.

Until the court orders anything you aren’t obligated to allow them access, if it comes up in court simply say without a court order you didn’t want to mess the children about by them having access one minute and potentially them not having contact the next (if the court didn’t order it).

MelissaD10 that is exactly what they are doing. Thank you. It explains the urgency when the hearing is next month.