Which name should I keep?

[inthedarkx]

So my husband who left me has now applied for divorce. And I'm just going through things and then it occurred to me what name I should stay with? I wanted to legally keep my married name so me and my children have the same name and I don't like my maiden name as I was never apart of my dads family, he was never there growing up. But then I tho knot all the connotations behind keeping my married name. I think the woman he left me for won't be happy with that, and I don't think he will either but I don't want to use my maiden name anymore as it's just full of negative life. I was thinking if I didn't use my married name or maiden name then I couldn't change my surname to my grandads by deed pole as I adored him and he was always there for me. I know some will just say 'it's just a name' but since my husband left me I have lost a sense of belonging with my name, My dads surname means nothing and lot my married name is tainted. So what would you do? What did others do after their divorce? And what would happen legally surrounding names ?

Your married name is yours to use if you want. It doesnt change unless you actively do something to change it.

Keep your married name, same as your children.
You can always use Ms or even Miss.

I'd keep your married name, it will make things simpler for you in the future if you ever want to travel abroad with your children.

Use the name you want!!!

If the ex doesn't like, tough...

Don't keep your married name, it's comes across like your hanging on to him.

Take your grand dad's name, it's the one you associate with.

I would want the same name as my children.

If it pissed off the OW then bonus!

My mum managed to get my dad to agree to my name change back to her maiden name when they divorced as she called the OW and told her how great it would be them all having the same name. Presume OW had a word with my dad as he signed the form the next day 😂

Use whichever name you feel most identifies you. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

From the age of 7 I used my step Dads name, he left when I was 16 and I found out that although I was officially known as that name (my NI card was issued as it) it was never legally changed.

When DH and I got married I didn't want my birth name on certificate so I changed it myself and decided to keep it after marriage as it's my identity! Kids both have DH's name so I'm the odd one out but it's made no difference to us when travelling or any other aspect.

My mum kept her name but she was married to my dad for longer than she had her maiden name and would have been hard to untangle the name in her profession.

But her friend couldn’t go back to her maiden name due to a high profile (locally) crime in the family which could make her a target but her ex was abusive so she didn’t want her married name so she got a genealogy/surname meanings book and made a shortlist and let her 3 sons vote then changed by deed poll!

It’s totally personal preference, you can just keep it legally (you can use either married name or maiden at any point once you’ve been married without having to do any legal paperwork) or just do a deed poll for your grandads. But don’t let your ex or ow dictate your identity, if they don’t like it tough, it’s perfectly legal. Also consider your children’s ages, you may prefer to keep your married name while the children go through school but if you want rid of his name and they’re 18+ you might not feel as strong a connection as they mig he be changing theirs at marriage and moving away and having their own children.