Getting things in order, just in case.

[TeaAndBiscuits666]

Bit morbid, but I'd like to get things in order, just in case.

I don't own property and have little money, so not worried about that side of things. I want to make arrangements about who cares for my children.

I have two children:

DD - her father (my ex) is named on her birth certificate so has PR. We were never married, and even before we split up had separate residences. We split up before DD's first birthday. He sees her for a few hours at a time, 5 or 6 times per year. He has never had her overnight or for more than 6 hours at a time.

DS - his father is my current partner. We are not married but have lived together for 4 years (including before DS was born). He is named on DS's birth certificate so has PR.

If I die, then I want both my DD and my DS to live with my current partner. My partner has raised my DD since she was a toddler, considers her his daughter, and is much more capable of looking after her than my ex.

If my partner was unable to care for my children, then my mum has confirmed that she would be prepared to do this.

Is it possible to put anything legal into place to ensure my wishes?

My biggest concern is that DD would go to live with her father (my ex) if I died, purely because he has PR. I was young and foolish and didn't realise the ramifications of naming him on her birth certificate. I don't have any objection to him having contact (I don't have any reason to believe that he would intentionally harm her), but he is useless. She would not have a good life if she lived with him.

What can I do?

A testamentary appointment of a guardian only takes effect when there is no one left with PR. Your current partner would have to apply for a child arrangements order immediately on your death. It would be a high threshold to persuade a court that a child shouldn't live wither her biological father.

That's what I feared. So frustrating that genetics trumps quality of life.

If she stayed with DP she would have only lost her mum, everything else would be consistent.

If she went to ex, not only would she have lost her mum, but also her step-dad, brother, my family, DPs family, her school, her home, her friends, her pet, everything. It would be like ripping her world down around her.

I genuinely don't think he could give her a good quality of life. He is barely capable of looking after himself, and he has never been able to prioritise anyone else's needs above his own.

Do I need to do anything now that would support my DP / express my wishes if he did need to apply for a child arrangement order upon my death?

Would it help if DP and I were married? (We've talked about it anyway, for all of the less morbid reasons, just haven't got round to it due to the expense so far).

Anyone?

Anything I can do now to be best prepared?

You marrying DP doesn't override that legally it's her biological Dad who has PR. Your DP would need to adopt her, which your ex would need to agree to. That would then remove his PR which would pass to your current DP once the adoption process was complete.

I read that married step parents can sometimes request to have or too if the others with or agree to it. Would your ex agree?

The court would do what is in the best interests of the child. This certainly can trump a blood relation especially as there is a (half) sibling to consider. Makes sense that both children should live with your DP rather than siblings being separated just to favour a biological dad whose involvement is limited. DP would need to apply pretty quickly to court for a CAO. The alternative would be for him to adopt now if your ex would agree but assuming not.