Ex's DP not self isolating, can I temp stop contact?

[Deepbreathbigsigh]

Just need to get some advice on where I stand.

Short version: Ex and Ex's DP not taking Covid seriously and Ex's DP should be self isolating but isn't and visited us without letting us know. Where do I stand saying dc stay with me but offering plenty of virtual contact until this is over?

Long version: Ex's DP visited a relative abroad, staying with them. Relative got suspected Covid while they were there. Ex's DP flew back a few days later and didn't self isolate.

Both came to our door (we were ill, which they knew, but we knew nothing about DP's Ex situation). They were supposed to keep their distance. DP'S ex didn't.

Then DP's Ex said something about her relative having covid.

Only after the visit to our door did I put the timings together and realise that DP's Ex should still be self isolating (should still be self isolating now). Texted Ex to ask for clarification.

Two days later Ex's DP texts and (long series of texts, this is the bones of it) says she caught it from the DC (not possible due to timing of when DP's Ex last saw them, and when they got symptoms). But she was asymptomatic and passed it to her relative. She has no reason to think this is true, but believes it.

Both she and ex deny they broke government rules of self isolating for 14 days. But they did. And rather then just admitting they got it wrong (so we could work together on next steps) they are doubling down.

I've texted them about the guidelines, and that we have cctv of their visit (because they were saying she kept her distance)

I'm worried that they're not taking this Covid infection seriously. And that the dc wouldn't be safe with them at the moment.

Also dc2 has an immune response that has landed him in hospital three times, and the first time was when he was little and Ex brought him back limp, and told me I was overreacting for calling 111....he was blue lighted in and was very very poorly. And ex hadn't even taken his temperature.

We have no court order in place. Where do I stand if I say that only for this Covid period, they need to stay with me, but very happy for them to use face to face apps to chat etc.

Bump

I don't really understand the timeline... When did Ex's DP get back?

You said Ex's DP said "she caught it from DC". Who caught what from which children? Because it sounds like you are saying that your Ex's DP caught Covid from your children and passed it to her relatives - and I am not sure that is what you mean...

Sorry, here's the timeline:

day1 4pm - day4 8am: dc with Ex and Ex's dp

day3 afternoon: I become poorly

day9 : Ex's DP flies to stay with relative

day 11night : Dc become poorly

day12 : Ex's DP's relative becomes poorly (At this point Ex's should have self isolated for 14 days (until day 26) as she was staying with the poorly relative)

day14 : Ex's DP flies back

day21 afternoon: Ex and his DP come to door. Ex keeps distance, Ex's DP doesn't.

day21 2 hours later : I text Ex asking about what his DP said about relative being ill and was that within 14 days.

day22: Ex and his DP call the dc. Dc tell me that ex and his DP are going to shops etc and his DP is planning on dropping things off to various people.

day23: Ex's DP texts blaming my dc and saying that she couldn't be infectious from her relative because she already was from my dc. I point out that the dc weren't infectious at that point but, the real issue is that she was with someone with symptoms and hasn't self isolated. She doubles down and so does ex in later texts etc.

Yes, the only dc are mine and Ex's.

She is saying that she must have caught it from the dc 6 days before they had symptoms, even though they hadn't been around me in the few days before I got symptoms. And so she says that when her relative caught it, it was because Ex's DP already had it with no symptoms. Her logic is that she doesn’t need to self isolate because of this.

Nobody in all this has been tested. And a doctor in hospital has examined dc2 (on day 18) and said they're not completely convinced that what we have is covid. Ex knows this. Also dc2 and I both have asthma, so have to be more careful.

www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

So that looks like it should be ok, as I'm only doing it to safeguard the children, and am very happy for them to see their dad once it's over. And to have as much virtual contact as they want in the midweek evenings and on weekends.

Really wish she'd just self isolated in the first place, and then none of this would be necessary!

Yeah, looks like her logic is fairly out.

Glad someone has posted the "proper" guidelines for you :)

Yup. Thanks to you both.

I get that she wants not to have to stay at home etc, but it's not just about her, we're trying to protect the vulnerable....and we don't always know who they are

No court order means that as the resident parent you make the decisions you feel are in your children's best interests.

To cover yourself, in writing, text, email etc offer video calls.

Explain that you have a duty of care to the children. That unfortunately to date he has not followed the government guidelines re coronavirus .

If he took it to court, this wouldn't go anywhere. Beyond the usual in normal circumstances pattern being ordered.

Yes. I'm dreading saying it though. I feel like I have to, to protect the dc, but it's going to be hard. Hoping (for many reasons, especially for those who are I'll, but also for the dcs' dad) that this time of Covid passes quickly