Social services,domestic abuse, unsupervised contact

[Izabellaquintas]

New to mumsnet so please be kind but desperately seeking some advice.
My ex partner has a long history of domestic violence, dating back to 2003. (7 different women)He has just been charged on 9 separate counts for violence towards me and breach of a non molestation order. He is to appear in court next month to put in his plea. Social services requested that he have supervised contact with our son of 14 months however now they are advising that after Just 6 supervised sessions they feel he would be suitable to have him unsupervised and the only concern they have is handover. His previous charges include violence in front of children.
I am at a loss to know what to do. The social worker informs me that both him and his mother (who is also a social worker) are applying to court for a child arrangement order. Am
I in my rights to stop contact until they do this? He was also supposed to partake in a domestic violence perpetrator course but has not as it would admit to the charges nor has he engaged in obtaining support with his alcohol and drug misuse.
I am absolutely terrified that social services can make such a terrible decision about my child knowing the full facts about his dad. The social worker is very young and it seems that he has been able to completely manipulate her this is despite her seeing videos of him threatening me when I was pregnant. I just can’t stop worrying. I’m thinking if I refuse contact until he takes me to court then it just makes me look spiteful which I’m not. However it took a long time to get out of the relationship and I hate the way that his needs are being prioritised. He shows no remorse at all. If anyone has been in a similar situation then please advise.

This does not seem right. If you can, please get legal advice. Women’s Aid has a help line which can give advice, although you will often have to call many times to get through. It’s worth it though. I am not a lawyer, so please don’t take my thoughts as gospel, but in my experience (been through courts, proven DV, supervised contact, etc) what you do in the next few weeks will be crucial. If you allow unsupervised contact now, that will be the precedent: the courts and CAFCASS (court advisors on child welfare and contact matters) will say that if you allowed unsupervised contact then, you can’t really be that concerned. You need to think about what evidence you have of his DV. Was any of his violence in front of your child? Have social services done an investigation? These are called section 47 reports. The purpose is to see if there is a risk to your child. It sounds like they should have done one. If they haven’t, please find out why. Having social services on your side would be useful, so maybe try and get a different social worker. Try and communicate via email with social services or make notes of phone calls.
Courts were given new advice in 2017 which basically says that even if a child isn’t the direct victim of domestic violence, really they ARE are risk if, for eg, their mother who they live with is a victim. What is the status of the police investigation? Sounds like he has been charged? That’s more evidence in your favour. Also: what do you know about these other women? Has he had his contact with any of his other kids restricted by court in the past? Are you able to get in touch with any of these women?
What do you know about the other charges about violence in front of kids? Was he convicted? If he was charged there will be a police record and you could get that for court. You say he was supposed to do a domestic violence perp course. As far as I’m aware, they can ONLY be ordered by court. So that suggests he has a court order against him on this which is highly relevant to you.
Please OP get some professional advice. He sounds a real piece of work, but it sounds from what you have said that you have a strong case

Following. I was about to post about my situation which is almost identical to yours. I could have written your post. I hope you don't mind me piggy backing on yours.

My ex is a violent drunk, but won't admit it, has managed to get a non mol overturned, won't take courses, wants unsupervised access after 2 visits via access centre. I wouldn't leave my toddler with him when we were together because he would drink and angry with her. I am terrified he will take me to court and win because he will charm social services I have no money for solicitor and not entitled to legal aid. I had to borrow money for the non mol.

I completely understand your fears

Thank you both so much for replying. Yes I have contacted women’s aid and they have said the same thing.
He has 6 previous charges all against women, one being his mum.
To say that he has charmed the social worker is an understatement but I feel there is more going on behind the scenes. His mum has used her social worker status to manipulate the situation from the beginning and I will be making a formal complaint about this. I think it’s likely once it goes to court that she will know the Cafcass people too.
On the plus side my son was apparently very hard work at the last supervised contact and his dad struggled to cope.
All my children have been placed on a child protection plan but hopefully will be coming off it soon as I have had no contact with him at all and the relationship from my eyes is well and truly over. I’ve also been doing recovery and empowerment courses run by my local domestic violence hub which has been a real eye opener. He also alleged that I’m an alcoholic and drug user lol. I’ve seen a professional which social services ordered me to who has confirmed I’m neither!
It’s just so scary that they could even consider unsupervised but I’m going to stick to my guns and hope and pray that the judge and Cafcass see the truth and in the meantime the criminal case starts next month so he could be looking at a custodial sentence x

I mean women’s aid have said do not allow unsupervised x

It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. There might be an argument to say the mother shouldn’t be supervising if she is also his victim, but it may be too late to retrospectively change that - unless you could show you didn’t previously know the extent of his abuse of her. Please try and get it allocated to a different social worker, and have confidence in yourself that you are absolutely doing the right thing to protect your child. Do show that you value in theory your child having some form of relationship with his dad, but not at the risk of him being exposed to violence and emotional abuse. Perhaps you could suggest FaceTime contact only? It’s good you’ve done those empowerment courses - will help you stand up to him

Have any of the other women who brought charges have a similar issues regarding contact, if he has any other children, and if so do you know has happened in their case/s?

I think it’s terrible that his mother is using her professional position/knowledge/influence to push for unsupervised contact, more so given that she herself has experienced his violence.

You need a good solicitor op. One with proven cases like yours.
My barrister was amazing. Exh lost his cool on the stand.
Sounds like your ex could be volatile. Remember his dm won't be speaking for him in court.. His fake facade will slip for sure.
Do not allow any contact unless it is court ordered.
Keep a meticulous timeline and diary of the whole relationship op..