Getting a DNA test

[Cheesepleasee]

DP had a fling with a woman about seven years ago, lost contact after a short period but she then got in touch again saying she was pregnant and the child was his. Dates didn't add up so he was sceptical saying he wanted a DNA test when baby was born, she later in the pregnancy went on to say he wasn't the father. Then just before the baby was due to be born she got in touch again said he was father, so again asked for a DNA test when the baby was born, to which she agreed. Though when push came to shove and the baby was born she kept refusing a DNA test until eventually claiming once again he wasn't the father and disappearing off the scene. As he didn't believe the child was his from the word go he left it at that.

However fast forward to now DP and I have a child together. After a conversation regarding it DP has decided he would like black and white conformation he is not the father, just incase it ever comes to light again and he has proof for our child's sake.

It seems the only way to get a DNA test done would be through the courts but how exactly would he go about this? Go to see a solicitor and take it from there??
Also I'm not sure if he knows her exact address or contact number now. And if it did reach court would she have access to our address etc? (I'd like to avoid that if possible). How much would the full process cost?

Anyone with any advice or knowledge on the subject?

Why does he need proof for your childs sake? Shouldn't this be about the child not about your own?
If you want to take this to court you are better off being clear on your intentions here because taking someone to court for a dna test of a child for your own child's sake doesn't sound very fair, particularly if then you do what exactly nothing just so you know ? Or
If he wants to start seeing the child after 7 years of doing nothing if it is proved you can't honestly think it's OK that she won't have your address? Would you like someone who is a virtual stranger to take your child and not know where they live?
I think you need to work out your intentions here because trying to pry into a life of a child that for their whole life he hasn't been there is not fair and unnecessary if he doesn't had the intention of really stepping up for the childs sake. No one else's.

I got the impression that the op wants to ensure that the DNA child can’t claim any inheritance etc further down the line and would prefer to know either way what the options are.

@pinkcrayon
It was at least 3 months between them sleeping together and what would have been the time she fell pregnant. Therefore it couldn't possibly be his child but she was claiming it was, hense why he was demanding a DNA test.
In all honestly I don't think she is 100% who the child's father is therefore the possibly is there that when the child reaches an ages to ask about her father and is too old to be given watered down answers, she may well claim it is him again. There is also a chance that my DC will end up in the same secondary school as the child therefore if said situation ever was the case and my son was to become privy to it, it's best that there is black and white evidence to prove it's not the case.

But if she disappeared off the scene its unlikely that even if they did go to the same secondary school that the child would know who your child was. Its not as though at secondary school you wait outside the gates for your kids and there are many students in a secondary you would be unlikely to come across them. It's not the same as primary.
And if you believe your partner that there is a significant gap of 3 months or more which makes it impossible he was the father then really what's the point in trying for a dna test on the highly unlikely chance that the child goes to the same secondary and finds out your child is your dps child.
Do you have total confidence that your dp is telling the truth about the time frames for conception here making it impossible for him to be the father?
It seems pointless getting a dna test done in these circumstances on scenarios which are unlikely to happen.
I do find it strange that your partner went along with all of this if there was such a significant gap though...
Courts are costly and time consuming I wouldn't bother personally IF the time frames for conception are correct.
The fact he is suggesting the dna test, could it really be that since having your child that he really wants to clarify as there IS a chance and he is using your child and this ridiculous chances of 'things that could happen' as an excuse?
Always keep your eyes wide open with people who 'could be' absent fathers op.
Especially when they talk really negative of the ex.

When I say she went off the scene I mean stopped contacting, came off social media etc. The way catchment areas work where we live the chances of them going to the same secondary school is high. Also with social media now I think it's very easy to find out who someone's parents are etc. Therefore if she told the child X is their dad, it wouldn't take much to figure out that is Y who goes to their schools dad.
He never went along with it as such, he did protest it couldn't be him from word go and when she was still saying it was hense why he said DNA test, to prove it isn't him.

My father died sudden just before I started secondary school, if a few years after someone had contacted me to say we shared a father, and there wasn't any proof either way, I could only have imagined how it would have made me feel at that age. I know it's unlikely this would happen but I'd don't see why it's wrong to cover all bases. Hope I've explained well.

If he is sure if his dates, then 3 months between is pretty conclusive? If he has the birth date he can be pretty sure can't he?

There would be proof you could do a sibling dna test if he were to die.
Which as you said before your partner is postive he isn't the Dad and you believe him so you could just tell your child that, if this unlikely scenario happens no harm done, sibling dna test done and that's that.
I would understand more if there was a chance but if you believe there is no chance then whats the point in wasting your time and money on it?
I am not saying you are wrong to cover all bases, I just don't see the point in the hassle of it.
Something you should consider though is if he is wrong and the child is his this could open up a whole can of worms for you all and I do think you should look at that too after all it would be greatly unfair to the child if he popped in her life like this and went out again.

Sorry I said her life I mean her/his**

The way I look at it is if after 7 years of not doing a dna if you want to do a dna it should be with good intention for the child.
Not to help the potential absent parents family.
The child might have a happy upbringing with a step Dad, they may not want to have anyone else in their life you just don't know.
It could worry the child that they may have to see him if it's proved that he is.
They have never known your dp remember that.
Or they may have no dad and be desperate for a father figure and as you already 'know' he isn't seems really unnecessary and actually quite cruel to put a kid through that.

I don't see how a dna test could possibly be a bad thing?

It will either give definitive proof that he is not the father which will be good for the child, your DP and your DC. It will also stop her deciding that he is the father again in the future. It may even help her to narrow down the list and find her child's actual father.

Or.. he will be the father and they can then decide where to go from there.

@blinded101
Glad you think so too. I'm not saying it without regard for the child in question as like I previously said I don't think her mum knows who her bio father definitely is. So I do feel for them and don't think it's a bad thing that when they're of age to want to know, DP can be ruled out without rigmarole. I also think that would be best for my child too, as I do think their paths will likely cross at some point (probably school)

Though naturally my child is my first priority. I know it sounds cold-hearted but in reality it's true. If I felt by any means that it was going to cause the child any trauma then I see how it could be a bad idea, but at 6/7 years old it could be done without them knowing why.

There's nothing wrong with putting your own child first and if you didn't I'm sure everyone would have still jumped on you . It doesn't come across cold or uncaring in your OP either. Can't win on mumsnet really..

It might be better to get this moved to legal so you can actually get some proper advice on solicitors etc.

'If I felt by any means that it was going to cause the child any trauma then I see how it could be a bad idea, but at 6/7 years old it could be done without them knowing why'

But getting courts involved this may not be the case of her not knowing.
Probably better off speaking to a real life solicitor if you really want to go through with it. Or the child's mother.
Also i haven't jumped on op @blinded101 stop being such a drama llama. There's no need for op to have to put her child first her child isn't in a disadvantaged situation.