Bit of advice on Non-molestation order and statement?

[Fightingback16]

Ok so after 3 ignored solicitor letters for my abusive ex to leave me alone I have decided to take the plunge and apply for a non mol. I won’t go into detail but he has tried many tactics these last few weeks, screaming, shouting, banging the front door, threats, crying, emailing trying to draw me in with his sad stories etc. It’s having a terrible effect on my fragile mind after 12 years of his abuse and I’ve had enough now. I still feel the bond I have with him pulling me but I don’t want to live like this. I need to put myself and son first.

I can’t afford to get a solicitor so I’m hoping to draft the statement with help from an abuse support worker. Then I need to decide on whether to take a barrister or not, should I? I will be applying for the immediate order as I feel he will retaliate if given time in between.

I’ve just done a bit of googling and can’t seem to find out how much history do you put down. The last 4 years have been the worse and a lot further back from that I struggle to remember through all the mind working.

In absolutely s***g myself and I’m terrified but I’ve reached a point where it’s never going to stop unless I do something. I’ve got to face up to this man! I only hope that I do this right and I’m believed!

I have too much equity in the house even though I can’t get access to it as H won’t agree to a settlement so that’s going to court also.

Start with the background of how long you have been together, when you moved in together and child etc. Then detail when the abusive behaviour started. Highlight a couple of the most extreme instances and then move onto the recent episode that has culminated in your application. Make sure you include any evidence such as reports to the police or photos of injuries, you can refer to any documentary evidence as ‘annex 1’ etc and add it at the back of your statement. State in the application that you make it without notice as you are scared of the reaction of the respondent should he be notified of your intention without the legal protection of the order in place. Make it clear in general that your fear for your safety which is why you need the order longer term.

Go to your local county court early in the morning and lodge an emergency application and ask they list it for an ex party (without notice) application that day. They should hear your application and issue an interim order with a return date for him to go back to court when you both attend. It’s up to you if you feel a barrister necessary, I would say you can do it without one if you are articulate enough. You will, however, need a process server to serve the order on him once it is made (as it needs to be served in person) so google a local one in advance that will do it for a fixed fee and put them on notice that you are going to court.

The last incident was monday and it was only a very long email apology he sent me about coming and trying to get in the door of the place I’m staying and shouting outside the week earlier. That incident was worse and the solicitor warned him that if tried to contact me again then I would apply for a non-mol. He ignored the letter and 2 previous to that. I’ve had enough, my nerves are really shattered. Over the past 12 years there has been so much I don’t know where to start. Much of it I’ve blacked out! I’m finding it hard to find the energy to start the application but I really feel I have to.

Hi fightingback16 I was in the sane position so I know how you feel. Dont wait with it that would be my advice. I have waited and pushed myself so far that when he did sthg again I had such a panic attack I couldnt breathe -2 ppl were watching over me in med centre. On that day I went to court, draw statement with the help of advice office. I think I had 11 examples (with rough dates). Next day he got issued a statement of undertaking and occupational order and he was out of the house. Please look after yourself 💐

It’s been a year and I don’t know what I’m waiting for. To wake up and be 100% sure I guess. Not gonna happen, I feel worse than ever. I can’t live in the past, I can’t live in the present and I can’t live in the future. I need to make a decision. I want to live in the present, I always dreamed of it but it’s so uncomfortable. I have to make steps to make it comfortable.

Its understandable. In this situation you feel paralysed. Braking up is a big change even more when there is manipulation and brain washing going so dont give yourself hard times. I was doing the same and I had to train myself stop doing it. If you can go to people, dont isolate. You need support network to keep you strong through this. In reality he is the one that is relying on you thats why he makes it so hard.x

I think of him like an emotional vampire. He used to take from me when he needed a top up and I never fully recovered each time. I’m not supplying him anymore as I’m sticking to decisions even though it’s really tough. But now instead of him taking from me I’m busy destroying myself instead!

Yeah. I think kind hearted people tend to be looking for a fault in themselves sometimes justifying behaviour of the other side. I couldnt get through my head that someone can be so cruel someone that i have children with so I thought it must be me. And that drains you. Stop those thoughts cause the bottom line is regardless whos fault it is, its not working, you are unhappy and can get really ill from it. Save yourself from that. You sound lovely.