Mortgage repayments and ex

[ivegotthisyeah]

Hi I know this might sound petty to some of you but to me and my three kids it's a lot of money.
Back story we have be separated for 2 years he moved out and continued to pay half of the mortgage for the family home which me and the three kids love in. We have just had to remortgage and the mortgage company don't know we have separated and it's still in joint names as I work part time can't afford the mortgage and most likely won't get one on my wages. Because we had to stay with the same company the rate was crap and the mo hotly payment have increased by £100 a month. Ex said he would alter his direct debit to cover his half of the extra but now as he is being pecked by his current gf he says he won't and it's my problem. We are about to start mediation but he wants half of the house I can't afford it on my own can't even afford a solicitor. I work part time as youngest is 3 and have 7 and 9 year old who stay with me five nights at week. I pay all the childcare Nusery and after school club he pays maintenance but the legal requirement. I feel so bullied and down he's controlling my future and I feel so helpless. He earns circa £65k so can afford the legal advice - anyone help me what to do about the increased mortgage payments and what my outcome may be with mediation. I might get legal aid for that it's if I goes to court I am screwed 😢

Sounds like you need to sell and get a clean break. You could downsize and find a cheaper house that you can afford. You're giving him a lot of power by relying on his promises to pay things like an increase.

Good luck!

Are you married?

Yes married

The starting point of your entitlement is at least half the property and probably a lot more 80 per cent or so, as the children need to be appropriately housed. A mesher order is possible. You are also entitled to a significant proportion of his pension. Without full info it's impossible to advise. A one hour appointment with a family solicitor would be very worthwhile. If you cannot afford a solicitor it is possible for them to take the fees out of your settlement, or, a litigation loan is possible. I strongly urge you to take advice and not to go into mediation without knowing your position. You will be on the back foot and likely to come out with significantly less than your entitlement. Use a credit card if you must.

@Jonb6 thank you so much for you advice, believe it or not I did have a solicitor spent a few thousand on going back and forth then my job was at risk of redundancy and I basically ran out of money to fund her. Ex has rightly so picked up the divorce again now my job is ok but I don't have the funds to use her again we are trying mediation. His last offer was 60/40 to me which I rejected as he has three rental properties ( with another person) shares and a pension probably worth the same as mine ( not huge at all). I know I want to stay in the house but he would have to contribute to the monthly payments as I can't afford them on my own and I can't move as I wouldn't get a mortgage on my wages even with a good deposit from the sale of the family house! I'm trapped but want rid of the controlling ex!!

Oh and his salary is 6 times mine I work part time youngest is three just

How long have you been married. You might be entitled to more than you think because of the rental properties.

Well since we are still married now it will be 11 and a half years
The rentals are in with someone else so he only has a 'share'. Thanks

I think even with a mesher order, you would need to pay the mortgage and all the household bills on your own.
If you can’t do that, then you need to sell & rent/ buy somewhere you can afford.

What do you mean you can’t move because you can’t get a mortgage? You can rent a home.

I didn't want to rent after putting lots of hard work into buying a house - why should I rent when he can buy?!

Yes with a mesher order you still need to demonstrate you can afford the bills - it isn't designed to keep you in the family home at his expense

The negotiation starting point is usually 50:50 and the likely expectation is that you will need to work full time - your youngest will be coming up for 30 hours free childcare shortly and courts tend to take a dim view of women who don't work to their full capacity (sorry if that sounds harsh it's just the way it is and no point sugar coating it)

His "share" in the rentals will form part of the division of marital assets

You should rent because you can’t afford to buy.

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted
I couldn't work full time as have three children altogether the cost of childcare would far outweigh my wages even working full time.
The youngest 30 hours only works out at two days a week so still have to pay on top of the funded hours.

@ivegotthisyeah
Change some of the ex's days to mid week not just weekends - then it will be up to him to pay childcare if it's required . That would enable to you work more and have a chance at paying the mortgage on your own.

It really depends how much you want to stay in the family home - if you don't want to leave then you need to be proactive and not just rely on him paying the mortgage - an income of £65k doesn't actually go far if he has two mortgages/bills to pay as well as CMS

His GF is likely grumbling as she probably thinks the money your ex is paying enables you to only work part time.

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted thanks your exactly right we were amicable until a gf appeared on the scene!
He does have one mid week night but for some reason it's down to me to pay for after school club on his day! He won't pay it and I'm scared the kids will be stranded at school as he won't collect either!

60/40 to you is a good offer IF it also included him paying the mortgage on your home so you can stay in it.

Otherwise you will have to face facts and privately rent a home like many many others do. It is a form of denial to think you can divorce and still maintain the same lifestyle you had as a married couple with pooled resources.

You need to understand that you need to rent if you don't have the income to buy. Or tell him the kids are his to look after alll week and you will see them weekends so that you can work full time... (not really but tell him this anyway and watch him jump !)

You need to negotiate hard. And it depends on the value of the rentals. You are entitled to pension share, share of the rental properties and share of the house. He is in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks half the share of the house is enough. Go into mediation asking for 80 perent of the house, 50 per cent of his share of the rentals and 50 percent of his pension. Aim to come out with 100 percent of the equity in the house and a small lump sum in exchange for not going after the pension and rentals. Only you know the figures and whether that would be a good deal.

And half the cost of the childcare is also a good negotiating tool. They are children of the family.

And 60/40 when he has capital in rental properties is not a good deal for you despite what pp said.

But the 60/40 is all assets including those rental properties he has. She’d own 40% of everything.
I agree it’s only a good deal IF it’s the 40%, plus he pays her housing costs (the mortgage) so she can stay in the family home.

Go into mediation asking for 80 perent of the house, 50 per cent of his share of the rentals and 50 percent of his pension. Aim to come out with 100 percent of the equity in the house and a small lump sum in exchange for not going after the pension and rentals.

That would be a good deal too. Once the financial disclosures are made, that’s when you can really play with the numbers and think of different offers to make things work out that fit you best and he can also agree to.

@Jonb6 thank you for your advice,- and everyone else, just to clarify the offer was 60/40 in my favour for just the family house.
The rentals have mortgages on them and have some equity but really I have no interest in having a share I would ideally like some money from them so as jonb6 suggested the equity from the martial house and a sum to leave the rentals pension and shares to him. I will negotiate childcare it's two nights a week they are in but I pay for it where he should on his night however this could be a bargaining tool too. His maintenance figure according to the gov website is short as well so I will be bringing that up just waiting to see in mediation what his current salary is as it will of gone up since we last filled in form E.
I feel so much stronger having some advice from strangers after constantly being told by him and his gf I won't get anything over that original offer. I know we can't predict what will be decided however I now have some figures to go in with