Teenagers don’t want to visit their dad for the foreseeable future...

[Divorce18]

So my children (13 & 16) don’t want to go and stay at their dads anymore. Up until now they’ve stayed overnight for one night a week and alternate weekends but my eldest having been told unless he gets a job and financially contributes can be kicked out now he’s 16 and the younger one fed up of feeling not welcome or loved as well have asked me if they can have a break for the foreseeable future. Their dad is often not the one to collect them from school on his day or around much on weekends that they’re there due to him doing things he wants to do like sports.
What do I do? I’ve offered to speak to him but going by the evidence of every other time I’ve tried to resolve things has met with complete disregard and even when my son tried to write to him to express his feelings was met with telling him to grow up ( via email) ...?!

At 13 and 16 your dcs are old enough to decide whether they want to see their df or not. Make a note of the various things the father has said, then email your ex and be completely frank, your children want to take a break.

I'm not sure there is much he can do.

Considering what you say he's like, I don't blame them for wanting to stay away from him.

Let them do what they want, they are old enough to decide.

They want a break.

They are old enough to choose that action.
Support them in that.

I absolutely support them and have recognised that it’s not the right environment for them emotionally, I just wanted to clarify that they could make the choice. I’m very happy for them to be here full time, they’re pretty awesome kids 😍

They’ll be so grateful to have that support.

They’ll fly.
You’re doing great!

Thank you 😊

You’re welcome.
Just as an aside, my kids were roughly the same age when they decided not to see their dad again.
He threatened court but every piece of legal advice he got was pretty much the same.

If the ‘kids’ are of secondary school age, the courts will accept their choices.

Hope that brings you some comfort.

It really does, I’m now contemplating the best way to deliver the news?! X

Don’t deliver it.
Wait for him to get in touch.
Then ask him why he wants to charge his child and why he can’t be bothered to spent quality time with them?
Answer every question of his with a question and don’t answer any of his.

Very good advice, it’s about time that I take it stand for the three of us x

Tell them that they can still love their dad but hate his behaviour. There is a difference.

They’ve got every right not to go until he treats them like sons. Well done for speaking out boys!!

That’s almost exactly what my daughter said ...”I love him because he’s my dad, but I don’t love him “
It’s unlikely he’ll ever be the dad that they need and want him to be and it’s so hard because up until he walked out for someone else, he was an amazing dad....

At 12 and 14 my ds's went nc with exh. Never heard a word from him

Divorce18. The behaviour is the deal breaker. Your parent is always going to have a loyalty hold. That’s why parents shouldn’t slag each other off to get the kids on side and ask them to choose. Let the kids grow up and decide for themselves who spoilt their relationship by poor behaviour.

Thought I’d update you all on his response.... He’s changed the password on my sons Xbox account so he can’t use it and removed everything to do with the kids from their online family calendar including their birthdays!!! 😱

Who pays for the xbox account?

He's a real piece of shit isn't he?

wow what a wanker... hope you have money sorted through CMS - make sure its been adjusted to show he is not seeing them at all.......

What a petty little wanker.

Well, that shows your kids that they've made the right decision not to spend any more time with him...

Their dad had paid for the Xbox account as up until last week my son had kept his Xbox there. It’s a years subscription so it’s paid for but he decided to change the password when he found out that they weren’t going to stay for the time being and then proceeded to remove everything they had planned in their calendar... my daughter got the notifications this morning including that they’d deleted her birthday.... I have no words....

The child maintenance is paid from him to me but is what the cms says he has to pay according to the salary he declares.... he doesn’t contribute for anything else such as school trips etc... we were together for 20 years, married for 15...