Child - overnight access

[Starburst8]

I'll try to keep it brief, just wondered if anyone could give any advice on this situation please. (I'll of course be going to a solicitors but in the meantime...)
Split from Ex last year, DS is now 17months. He's never had overnight stays on his own with his father since been born. DS lives with me and sees his dad once a week (7hours one week 4hours the other). As not to drip feed, these hours work around Ex's galavanting at the weekends. DS doesn't have sleep over due to when we were together I witness neglect from Ex (and just can't trust he'll be looked after properly - he has already had a trip to ER on a day I wasn't there).
Ex is now kicking up a fuss (as he does occasionally when he's not in control of everything) Threatening legal action to have DS overnight at weekends and during the week.
Will he get all this access?

Do you have any proof that DS is in danger?

Police, nursery, SS reports?

If not then yes. He will get overnight access.

Probably at some stage but you could argue that before then he needs to increase his time with him to a full day from day 9-6pm on a regular basis before he progresses to over nights

You are probably best going "That's great we'll make it EOW starting Friday evening building up to overnight then to a full 24 hours then to Sunday morning then Sunday evening then Monday morning. Please see attached schedule for the next 6/9 months.

Realistically he'll mostly likely quit once he sees that he will have to arrange his weekends around DS.

Thanks for the replies.
The only proof I have are pictures and messages.
I also have photo of someone he assaulted and even have the messages from when it happened to the messages from more recently where he's admitted it again.
At the moment DS only sees Ex when his grandad is there.

@random funnily enough when it was warmer weather he wasn't bothered about having DS as he likes to go away for the weekend.
Now it's a bit colder he's decided otherwise.
If I suggested picking him up Saturday morning returning Sunday evening to start with, he'll complain that he can't go away.

Presumably he works Mon~Fri?

You can turn it on him and ask for a regular contact proposal with him increasing to overnights. Will be enlightening to see what he suggests...

He may well just like a reason to bait you and make out you are difficult and being all "sounds great you want to step up" will not fit the narrative he wants to believe where he plays the victim

Yeah he works the week.
He's definitely got the whole "I'm a great dad and I'm a victim" thing down.
He pays nothing towards DS and gives me "I'll pay if I see him more" knowing full well he wouldnt have to pay... I've told him to stick his money!

He's that narrastic that he'll push for overnight stays during week and make DS stay at Granddad's as he has to get up ridiculously early for work.
He just likes the control.

There is research that states it is potentially harmful to a child under two to regularly be away from the primary caregiver overnight:

www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/court

www.alternativefamilylaw.co.uk/children/child-contact/

It's also possible he wants overnight to reduce child maintenance payments. In this case, would it be possible to reduce the payments voluntarily without increasing the contact?

Just go to CMS for maintenance, sorry but he should financially contribute so your DS can have a better standard of living!

You probably just need to put "that would be great, I am start going out or my boyfriend could stay over" he will soon change his tune...

If it were me, I'd remind the court that it's about the child's best interests, not the adult's. I'd then push for a contact plan that slowly increases to overnights at or after age two and not before.

@because He doesn't pay anything.

@random i don't have a boyfriend but I imagine the Ex wouldn't be pleased. Not because he wants me or anything silly like that but because it's another man spending time with DS.

I've already told Ex that visitation isn't a parental right it's a child's right. And as long as I'm allowing DS a reasonable amount of time then I'm not doing anything to harm that right... I screenshot the info from one of the legal sites giving information.

I didn't even think you had just that once you are all positive and how it "helps" you I think he will suddenly not want to do them anymore

Also thanks @because for the links.

 I did post my last post as separate paragraphs, but this app keeps grouping it all together 🤔

Hi I need some advice..
my sons father has been tough from the day our baby was born. He has issues with drugs, drink driving and self harming/ mental health. Was all okay for the first few months but things got bad fast was very absent from baby’s life. Anyway he hasn’t seen our son for 3 months this was his choice he said”goodbye” and now wants access to see him. Child services have told me he isn’t to see him but now he’s threatening court I’m so so worried he will get over night access and access in the day. Will he?

You should really start your own thread rather than tagging on to someone else's. You may get people responding to the OP rather than you.

No-one can say for sure what will happen. However, it sounds like your son is only a few months old. If that is the case it is unlikely he would get overnight contact at this stage. You need to talk to a solicitor who will be able to give you proper advice.

Sorry I didn’t realise I had I apologise

@Teri1997

Go with what childrens sevices say or they will remove your child themselves