Elderly FIL seriously ill- married but separated

[khaleesi71]

Hoping for some advice. FIL seriously ill after a fall. He was taken to hospital and police notified his estranged wife. They have been living apart for many years but neither bothered to instigate divorce. She contacted DH to inform him. He then drove up to hospital with siblings. If he recovers he is likely to have care requirements if he doesn't then funeral and estate issues will need to be sorted. Estranged wife doesn't support FIL but they are generally amicable. Should DH and siblings gain power of attorney? DH does not know about a will (not that there will be any estate as such - it's more about making decisions for his DF best interests). Can anyone advise on this? DFIL in an induced coma so can't talk and may not recover. This isn't money focussed - but concerned that DH and siblings will be dictated to by a difficult ex-'step mother' in terms of FIL best interests.

Sorry to hear of situation........they wont be able to get power of attorney agreement if FIl in a coma as that needs to be arranged whilst can get consent ...as they are still married she is Next of Kin - however if the siblings are at the hospital often docs are aware of these things and will talk to those that are there.... can someone go to FIL house and see if he made a living will:?? or the name of solicitors if MIL knows - its probably best for one of the siblings (most diplomatic) to have conversation with her.. she may not want to have the responsibility.... or may know about FIL wishes/living will in this sort of scenario - they are more likley to have spoken about these things than FIL with his children..

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Thanks - they're staying at his house at the moment. I suggested to DH they look for a will but he seems reluctant to do that. I also think they'll need to speak to his 'wife' but they don't seem to want to do that either! I'll have to sit back and let them deal with it but wish they would be proactive - he will need support if he recovers and that will mean decisions about how that is managed.

I am sorry to hear that your FIL is unwell. I believe you can apply to the Court of Protection to gain power of attorney if a person lacks capacity but I really dont know timescales as such.

In terms of his medical decisions, this will be done in conjunction with his family regardless of whether or not someone has medical PoA. It will be in his best interests and unless his family have quite radical opinions on what they want to happen, their opinions will be very much at the fore.

If he recovers, but lacks capacity, he will be allocated a social worker or IMCA to help decide what the next best steps are. I believe the finance side is the hardest and it would depend on whether he and his wife still hold joint accounts.

You can get POA for someone who is incapable, but it is done by application to the Court of Protection, and can be a lengthy business even in a straightforward case where all family of same degree of kin agree on the way ahead

Yes, someone will need to have the conversation with his wife about arrangements for the future, and what if anything she knows about his will and his finances. And she will need to be involved in planning his future, because legally she is still his wife and if this does have to go to the Court it will want to be satisfied about how arrangements for him would affect her

I hope very much that your DDad recovers and can put his own affairs in order.

Thanks - we don't think they have joint accounts as he has been living on his own for 9-10 years and is financially independent (as far as we know). He left the marital home they shared but not sure on ownership. However - that's not the issue it's more managing his care - we live a considerable distance from FIL and that may now need to change. I hope it will be a formality with his wife but hope DH can avoid any difficulties at this point. We'll see if he wakes up and what his capacity is - our fingers are crossed for him

Honestly I think about 90% of my patients with dementia dont have have POAs in place - I’ve never known there to be a substantial issue in discharge planning. There’s been the odd occasion when relatives had conflicting interests so an IMCA (Independent advocate) had to be allocated but if everyone in your family is broadly in agreement (and wife is happy to not be involved or is in agreement) then your opinions will be taken in account as much as possible.