Should I give up my LPOA for mum?

[MsBlackbird]

Hi everyone - I need advice please.

I have POA for my mum, together with my brother (but he is in Germany so doesn't actually do anything). So far it has been easy but mum has recently started to give cash to an old guy in a local care home for which she gets cheques in return. He does not trust the staff to do any banking for him so uses mum instead. Trouble is mum is registered blind and has no central vision as well as very poor memory and poor mobility. Basically he helps himself to her money and writes a cheque for what he says the amount is, but mum now runs out of money all the time and no one can account for what she is using it for (I do her shopping and pay all her services like transport, care, cleaners etc electronically and she has a contactless card for any small purchases at the shops - which she is barely able to get to anyway). So while I have no proof of theft I am very suspicious that this guy is siphoning off more money than he is repaying, and the situation of a blind vulnerable person walking around with large amounts of cash worries me a lot anyway. To prevent this I have started refusing to give her more than £20 in cash as she really has no reason to need more on her own account. She is now furious with me and thinks I am not doing my job as her POA, and she wants to appoint someone else who will do her bidding unquestioningly. This won't be my brother as not only is he in Germany but he totally agrees with me about her not being safe with cash.

I really don't think my mum could realistically find another POA as it would cost her a fortune to appoint a solicitor, and I doubt they would want to take on even a fraction of what I do for her in terms of finances and admin. But I am wondering whether there are other arrangements she might attempt to set up. What do people do who cannot manage their own money eg because of blindness, but who don't have relatives on hand to do it, or who fight with their relatives or don't trust them?

Part of me would dearly love to hand this all over to someone else though I have been advised not to do this. I'd be very interested to hear if anyone has had any similar experience and if so what you did about it. I should add that mum has very little money of her own but lives off benefits including pension credit guarantee, attendance allowance etc. She rents her house from me at a reduced rate (paid for by housing benefit) and is only able to live independently because she has me on call not far away. I'm now getting a bit sick of it all and wondering whether it is time to think about moving her to residential care where someone else can keep an eye on her and make sure she is not being taken advantage of. But I know this would cause a great deal of heartbreak and trauma for her and I am already feeling like a beast so not sure I can deal with it.

Thanks in advance for any perspectives anyone can offer!

Hi - you should contact you local adult social services and raise a safeguarding referral to look at the possibility of financial abuse, from the old guy you suspect of helping herself to her money.

Thank you starter. I will do that - the more I think about it the more this seems the best route. Many thanks.

Can you maybe also have a word with the care home staff and tell them that this guy is potentially exploiting your mum?

Hi Pineapple - yes, I am in touch with them. The manage is just as concerned as me but tells me that since both mum and this guy have capacity there is nothing they can do.

So sorry to read what you, and your mother, is going through.

I really don't think my mum could realistically find another POA as it would cost her a fortune to appoint a solicitor

You really don't need a solicitor to do a POA.

Anyone who knows the, or is prepared to sign, could provide the 'certificate'. My concern would be that this character who is taking your mother's cash could get himself appointed your mother's POA. It really really difficult but ... she really needs your help.

Could you suggest a week's respite in a home? It's an approach that seems to work for lots of people. All the best.

Thank you, FinallyHere. I was thinking that he might try to become her Attorney too - but actually I think that wouldn't help him as he is wheelchair-bound and stuck in a care home without internet access. I cannot see how he could possibly manage mum's finances. I've explained to her that I will not do half the job, so whoever it is will need to take over everything.
A respite week sounds like a good idea - will see if there might be a way to get her to agree. Not sure she would see any reason at this stage. It seems to be me that is taking all the strain, not her! Perhaps a week's respite for me :)

If it’s just the money to the man that’s a problem could you not ‘cash his cheques’ for him with your mum there? Then he has your mum present and you can keep a watchful eye. Explain to your mum that poa is legally binding and you may have to sign things to say you have looked out for her best interests and to that with peace of mind you need to make sure everything adds up

Hi - you should contact you local adult social services and raise a safeguarding referral to look at the possibility of financial abuse, from the old guy you suspect of helping herself to her money

This is exactly what you should do.

Legally, he cannot just take over her POA, letters have to be sent asking if anyone objects at which point you could object to it. Get it recorded as a safeguarding issue, that way he's not likely to ever be allowed near her money

I would also report it as a safeguarding concern.

What is he spending the money on?
A relative of mine is in a care home and needs very little cash. All appointments (chiropodist, optician, barber etc) are billed for monthly, cash is rarely needed. Sounds very odd to me.

Does she understand that her care home friend might be stealing from her? Does she know why you are suspicious?

If she has the capacity to understand that he might be ripping her off and to take that risk then you're a bit stuck in terms of stopping it happening. People have the right to make decisions others think are unwise or eccentric.

But if you have evidence she is being stolen from - ie a cheque for xx when she thinks it's for yy - then it's a police matter.

PS - does she have carers paid for by social services? She'd only be moved into state funded residential care if it was the only way to keep her safe and well and as she's living very well with you at the moment that's quite a big leap. Has she had an assessment for care needs from Social Services?

How does she get to the carehome. I would speak to her bank and social services and raise a concern, as pp says what does he need the money for. How does she get money out of her bank.

Thank you everyone. I think I do need to speak to Soc Services as the next step - thank you for that.
To answer a few of your questions: No one knows why he wants cash. He has far more money than mum and keeps envelopes of cash in his room, so the manager at the care home tells me. But he is a miser/hoarder. The care home will not shop for him because they can never get him to pay for anything.
I have explained my suspicions to mum. No accused him, just explained that it is not safe for her to hand her wallet over to him to help himself since she cannot see what is happening. He does not allow anyone else to witness his transactions as he is paranoid (and probably stealing). Mum thinks he is a lovely old man who is terribly misunderstood by everyone else. I think deep down she knows that what she is doing is risky and also that he is not trustworthy or a nice person, and I know she has witnessed his outbursts and unpleasantness to many people. But she is very invested in the idea of having a boyfriend, and she won't accept any criticism of him, least of all from me. She is furious with me for even suggesting anything untoward may be happening.
So, yes, Purplewithred is right that there is not a whole lot I can do. But I will not be party to facilitating what he is doing and I am also not willing to become his banker/shopper myself.
Mum is not totally helpless. She lacks central vision and cannot read etc, but she can find her way along the High Street and around her house. She moves with difficulty and risks her life trying to cross the road to reach the Post Office - the only place she can draw cash. She hands them her PIN number on a piece of paper and they draw money for her. I doubt this is really allowed but they do it to be kind. In reality it has not happened for a while as she has lost confidence recently. I have been giving her cash - but now that I have realised what is happening I am only providing her with a little pocket money, which is all she needs for herself. But he is putting her under pressure and I suspect she will become desperate enough to try and get to the PO again soon now that I am not supplying.
To get to the care home she uses the local community bus Mon-Fri but takes a taxi on Saturdays (she's allowed Sundays off apparently).

Thanks again for all the very helpful suggestions!

I know she has witnessed his outbursts and unpleasantness to many people

That sounds like bullying/intimidation and I would approach the home management to ask them what their plan is for protecting your mum (and others) and mention you are considering talking to the police and adult social services for guidance as well. You will probably get a more proactive response from them.

You need to speak to the post office and tell them your.concerns
The care home manager has a responsibility to ensure residents and visitors are not put in any harm so would speak to them and they need to talk to the man and stop him writing her cheques if they can. Does he have family? He is also vulnerable if he is keeping lots if money in his room. The manager may need to do a capacity and risk assessment on him but they probably wont discuss that with you or your mum.
Social services safeguarding can get involved and also Action for Elder Abuse.
How does your mum even know this man. Were they friends?

Thank you. I am in touch with the manage at the home and she is very aware but says that they cannot do much as mum and chap both have capacity. But you are right - there is a safeguarding issue. I have emailed her today and mentioned that I will be speaking to Social Services in the new year. Perhaps this will encourage her to try and do a bit more or at least to speak with mum. Mum may listen to her more than me, although I suspect mum has it firmly fixed in her head that everyone is against this man except her. Unfortunately she has a very strong rescuer instinct and is also VERY stubborn, so I am not sure anything will get through.
To respond to how she knows him: they met when she was in a little rehab hospital after a fall. I think she was incredibly bored and lonely so when he started paying her attention she found it irresistible. Really it is incredibly sad as she is basically buying his affection.

If you get nowhere with the care home staff speak to the Post office staff. They aren’t allowed to input her pin for her