Ex refusing to return DC

[Hullabalooo]

I posted this on the lone parents forum but they've suggested here would be better.

My abusive ex partner has threatened not to return DC on basis of minor irregularity on the child arrangement order which he petitioned for earlier this year. I dropped off on Christmas eve which was when he dropped this bombshell.

He has parental rights but DC legally ' live with' me and I'm the main parent.

My solicitor is on leave until 2nd January. Can anyone suggest what i can do?

What is the longest they have stayed with him?
Realistically can he cope? Hyper dc at Xmas +sweets +late nights...
Bet they are home very soon imo...
Apply for a residency order tomorrow direct to the court if it is open. See solicitor at first opportunity. Remember it's what is best for dc - a judge won't deem him great for keeping dc from their dm...

Dc have stayed with ex for 14 nights once but max of seven days once a year otherwise. This was supposed to be four days stay.

No idea but that's awful 😩I hope you get them home soon

Thanks @namina really stressed!

Hi OP

I'm not sure I understand. Is ex saying this irregularity means he can keep DC indefinitely? Or is he going against a court order? If he's breaking the order he is in contempt of court and is risking imprisonment.

He's found some tiny inconsistency which is a little bit vague and has pounced on that

He's obviously been combing through the order for anything that can be used against me

Get it in writing, can you text?
If he means it, you then have it in writing for the court, its not your word against his
If it is a threat he doesn't intend to keep, id still be going to a solicitor and court with it, as evidence of threats he's making to you, see what solicitors advises
Either way, you are better off with it written from him

As a pp said, go straight to the court if you can, very much doubt they will look favourably on this even as a threat.
English law is about what is fair and reason able. A minor blip on your part is not going to mean he can rip up an agreement, he will be found in the wrong.

When you say 'not return' do you mean not return them on the date you were expecting him to bring them back/you picking them up? When was that supposed to be?

Are you saying that you are interpreting the child arrangement order differently? When is he saying that he will be bringing them home?

If I understand you correctly, all that has happened so far is that he has threatened not to return them. It sounds like they are due back tomorrow. See what happens then. If he doesn't return them you can look at taking this to court. But it may turn out that it was an empty threat.

Call the solicitors company; they can assign you another one for an emergency court order if he refuses to return them.

If he doesn’t return them and you have a court order stating they reside with you, call the police.

You can ask the police to visit.
You can also go to court yourself and apply for an urgent order. Find out when it is open and just go in and explain the situation

Try calling the Coram family law helpline, they talked.me through what I needed to do.

Perhaps you could verbally, not in writing, hint that you will therefore be enjoying some extra leisure time. He will probably bring them back on time to ensure that you don't.

What is the inconsistency that he has found?

I’m sorry this is happening, he is doing this to wind you up for Xmas and it has worked.

My advise it to play this as calmly as you possibly can, as if you react you’re giving him just what he wants

Is he supposed to be bring the dc home today?

If so wait until the allotted time, let that pass and an hour later text

Is everyone safe? Only your an hour late for scheduled return of dc

If he then replies not bring them back blah blah

You simply return his text with

Ok, as long as I know the dc are safe & well cared for. I will seek legal advise on2nd Jan 2020

Then leave it...hard as it maybe & believe me I know the sick feeling. Logically it’s not what he’s expecting or wants. He will try and bait you (he’s an abuser) you just reply to any text with I’ll seek advice on 2nd January until then I can’t answer

If he text for uniform or anything, don’t engage, just text back I will contact my solicitor on 2nd January

He’s playing you with these threats don’t give him a reaction or he’ll do it again and again

I bet he “prewarned” you because he wanted you to turn round and take the kids home. Then he could say you’d refused to leave the kids with him over Xmas.

Hopefully he returns them at the correct time today.

Excellent advice from Ivykaty44.
Do this.
Good luck 💐

If he doesn’t return them and you have a court order stating they reside with you, call the police

The most the police will do is check the children are ok. It is not their job to enforce contact arrangements.

How are things op?

Thanks all. I really appreciate the advice and support..its been an utterly exhausting and stressful Christmas this year which i now realise is exactly what he wanted.

He finally got in touch today to say that i could have him back on the proviso that i sent him back again to his in a couple of days although that would be a contravention of the child arrangement order as he's not due to have him again till second week of new year.

If anything would different maybe that would be ok but it'll totally invalidate the order if i do and although he took me to court, its actually turned out to be a big help having it all set out in writing.

He also accused me of abuse (for telling him not to mess me about) and threatened me with the police despite the fact that I've done nothing wrong.

I didn't reply to this but he's actually returned DC later this evening! Such a relief!

I will contact the solicitor on 2nd and see what can be done as this happens every time there's a holiday since he lost the court case a few months back. Ex seeks a loophole to CAO, uses that as leverage to threaten not to return DC and then makes out that I'm mad.

He's done a great job of stitching me up. This man is a menace and it all feels like a bloody prison sentence having to deal with him..DC small so unfortunately years of it to go.

DC came home and said 'i hate daddy'. Sigh.

Merry Christmas everyone 😕

Glad DC is home OP! Don’t return Dc to him until the date the court order says to.

Glad you’ve got dc back

It’s really hard to see what’s happening when you’re in the middle of this and so much easier when you’ve been there and can now see someone else going through the same

I’d be temped to rescind on the arrangement in a couple of days. Don’t go there and rick the arrangements

He will do this mind fuck game again and again

You can either react....it’s what he wants
Placate... yes yes if course but stick two fingers up to him when his back is turned
Let him think he wound you up but know- like this time he won’t go through with it (box clever) bet he’s not wanting your D.C. for NYE..is he?
Attack...not what he’s expecting and he’ll then probably stop but grumble away

So relieved. And DC relieved too. Yes of course he doesn't want kids over NYE. What a surprise!

Is there a way to tighten up a court order based on lack of clarity/very small specifics or does it mean needing a whole new one?

Only had this one in place for a little while and its not working already..although i can see that he is the kind of man who will always be looking for loopholes to punish me for leaving.