Ex without parental rights

[user0963786]

I have a 5 year old Dd, myself and her dad split whilst I was pregnant he did not want the baby and we had slot of problems around his drinking and he admitted that he was a alcoholic, drank drove and kept alcohol in the car to clam him the following morning as he suffers anxiety after drinking. He missed two appointments to register her birth so I registered myself and he isn't on the birth cert.

I use to let him come to my house and spend the night to see Dd but around 18 months ago this wasn't working anymore he will withhold maintenance when he doesn't get his own way and is verbally very abusive and nasty to me, he doesn't ask he just orders what he is doing and that's the end of it and I'm a nasty evil arsehole and a cunt if o don't do as he says

So after months of getting fed up with his controlling behaviour I cut contact and a couple of weeks later he contacted me asking if we could come to a agreement, which we did in October this year, it clearly states contact, travel arrangements and how maintenance will be paid I also warned him that it was his last chance and if he didn't stick to it this time then I would have no further contact and he could deal with the courts

So earlier this week I contacted him regards this weekend and I got a nasty reply basically telling me then I will do the 60 mile round trip end of and it's not up for discussion, I refused as this is not what our agreement states and he turned nasty as expected I told him I would happily meet at the time and pls es stated on the agreement and he refused so he didn't see Dd yesterday then this morning I got a email saying he did want her and would meet this morning.

I took Dd and when I arrived he was really nasty calling me s fucking cunt in front of Dd and didn't pay his maintenance which he should of paid either at handover or transferred to me on the same day.

As far as I'm concerned we have now hit a brick wall again as he's up to his usual tricks and controlling everything to just get his own way.

I really don't know what to do, I scared to go to court, I worry about her all the time she's with him because I've seen first hand how unhealthy his relationship with alcohol is and if he goes to court and gets parental rights he will just use it to be nasty and controlling exactly like he did with his older son who refused to see him but he would use his rights to turn up at school and try and take him whenever he pleaded etc

If it goes to court what can I expect to happen, how much will it cost him? I'm not sure he would even pay it

I don’t know about the court op but i wouldn’t let her stay with him if he is an alcoholic and drink drives. That is so dangerous. He has no rights but she has the right to be safe. Best of luck op.

I'm kicking myself for letting him but I've been so scared that he would take me to court and they would order him to have her and allow him to take her out the country etc on holiday or something

I now feel like because I have they won't take me seriously

I have written confirmation from him detailing he drink drives, admitted he's a alcoholic etc, everything is recorded with midwife/HV as they were aware of his drinking and I was assessed after she was born but as I didn't live with him and we were not together they were confident that I could care for her and she wasn't at risk, he also dropped her down some steps at 6 weeks old and this was recorded in hospital, also when she was 2 weeks old I have witness who was there when she was shouting st me for refusing to put myself and Dd in his car when he was very very drunk and driving

Every visit Dd has she goes to the pub with him, I'm not saying he's hammered but definitely has at least 2 pints then drives

I just need to know if this goes to court my evidence will be enough to protect her

I would let him take you to court. Don't you start the process for him, let him do it all. They will carry out assessments before allowing contact and i would just start a claim with CMS for maintenance.

Does he have a well paid job? If you see or know him to be drink driving then call the police.

What have you got to lose by him taking you to court for contact arrangements? He already has unsupervised contact so what can be worse than that?

I would stop all contact and make a diary note of what's happened

Not sure about what sort of job, he works but know he has minimum going through bank to avoid his ex getting anymore maintenance out of him I do have a text from him basically saying he would only give me cash or get others to pay into my account as he had to hide money from the courts

To be honest I don't care about the money if he would just leave us alone I would happily never have another penny from him

Cut contact. I don't see what you have got to lose. Does he see his other kids?

Cut contact. Any chance you could move and not tell him where to?

I have thought about moving, and keeping eye out for exchange but would only be local because of my work etc. But hopefully enough to let him think I've gone further, he isn't local to me so could probably get away with it.

My worry is if I cut contact he will go to court and will get parental rights... currently I slightly have the upper hand as he doesn't have them

He has started to see his son who's 16 again this year, before that his son had not seen him since Dd was born so 5 years as soon as we spilt his soon stopped seeing him and he has only meet Dd 6 months ago

What contact does he currently have with dd? The court while most likely want to maintain what contact he already has