Child Order for coparenting communication issues?

[EdithTheCat]

I have posted this previously in Divorce Separation section, but not had many replies, so thought I’d try here... My Ex is an absolute nightmare to deal with. We are in the middle of a high conflict divorce. I’m in the process of taking him to court over finances. Whilst we muddle through with child access, the communications around this are absolutely appalling. He cannot stop himself from having a dig at me when I ask a simple question about handover times and in between times he sends me awful messages and emails me about the past, harassing, insulting and having a go at me and my new partner generally.

Given there isn’t actually an issue over child access as such - just the communications around it - can I take him to court for an order to, for example, force him to use one of the approved Apps to arrange access / childcare? Or to behave in a civil manner?

There is nobody appropriate who could act as a go between (I’d thought of that) and currently my 14 year old child often gets involved - which isn’t right and I’m not happy about.

If he's harassing you then look into a non molestation order? I nearly had to do that but he backed down pretty quick as he didn't want his boss finding out. We continue to have issues from time to time still though, so I'd be inclined to follow through on it if you can. The good news is your child is ole enough that you can probably let them arrange contact between themselves for the most part. Good luck. I know how horrible it is to dread your phone pinging

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Thanks for the reply. The trouble is, while 14 is old enough to make simple arrangements, my Ex involves our child too much in arguments and seems to enjoy making an absolute meal of things / will not stick to the point.

So I’d rather parallel parent. I’m trying to find a way of cutting down the extent of the interactions, but my Ex will not comply willingly with using an online timetable (presumably because he enjoys using messaging, email and our child to have a go at me).

I agree that DD should not be in that position, but if you're not the one causing the issue I'd try and deal with it as follows (this is not legal advice)

Tell DD that if dad asks her about contact to reply that he needs to speak to you about this as she's got a lot going on with homework, friends, upcoming exam etc...

Then when ex contacts you, you refuse to speak to him about anything than contact.

Just a thought- you won't get legal advice but you may get more empathy and responses on Lone parents board if needed in future

I never speak to him on the phone or see him in person due to his behaviour. I am getting harassed by email and text messages. These are frequent and long. He can’t stop going on about the past and insulting me.

This is why I need to force him to parallel parent. Not sure how to do this.

Here's my suggestion (worked for me)

Tell him some of the content in his emails is unnecessary and inappropriate, so you've set up new email account for parenting matters. His emails will no longer go through to your other emails so he should be sure to use this email. (block him from your other emails)
Tell him you will check the new email regularly, but not every day.

Then only look at the new email account when you are feeling strong.
In terms of response, be a "grey rock" (google it if you haven't heard of that). Short answers are best - eg yes, no, I'll get back to you, I'll talk to DD.

Don't get tangled up in his insults or accusations (that plays into his hands). Just begin your response with something like. "I've noted your email. For the record there are several /many / some points that I don't agree with, but I don't have time to go in to that now. I want what's best for DD, so in response to your question/suggestion about ....... my view is ......."

If he sends inappropriate texts, tell him that you are reducing the extent t which you are willing to communicate by text due to the inappropriate nature of his text messages. Until further notice, you will only respond to text messages if they raise something urgent when DD is in his care. Otherwise he should communicate by email.