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Legal matters

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Original poster

Who gets the house?

24 replies

SunsetYorks · 09/12/2019 21:12

Looking for opinions please.

Backstory - separated early 2016, divorced this January. When we separated youngest was 13 and had every intention leaving school at 16. Agreement therefore was Id stay in family home with both DC until June 2020. It would then be sold. DC1 obviously then had the advantage of staying at home near her school until they left for Uni (she is still at home as Uni local).

Fast forward and DC2 (boy) now plans on staying at school until 18 then Uni.

If we sell next June I cannot afford to stay close by the school and potentially can only afford a 2 bedroom.

I have asked Ex would he be willing to let us stay until DC2 is 18. Response - will get back to you (weeks ago). If I push for a reply he will get shirty.

If he makes me sell what would happen if both of us wish to buy? I may be able to buy him out. Who would decide who gets to buy it? Would it have to go to court?

Also he said at one point as the divorce said I am resident parent I would have to house the DC no matter what, so even if he bought it I don’t think he would let them stay here full time and see me eow (which I would hate but would suck up for them to be close to school & Uni). I don’t think they would want to either.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 09/12/2019 21:25

I don't understand how you would be able to afford to buy him out but not to have him buy you out and purchase another similar house.
If your house is worth £300k with £200k mortgage and £100k equity, you'd need a £250k mortgage to buy him out. £200k for your mortgage and £50k equity for him.
If he were to buy you out, you would get half the equity, £50k, so would need a mortgage of £250k to buy a similar house.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 09/12/2019 21:37

I see what you are saying but this house has been renovated etc and has extra space, and so something else in the area would be much more expensive so unaffordable. This is the best bet to stay close to the school.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 09/12/2019 21:51

If it's bigger and renovated, it would be worth more surely? Unless you actually have nonequity in it because you've spent more than it's worth?

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 09/12/2019 22:10

No there is a lot of equity in it but one of the bedrooms can’t be sold as a bedroom officially due to no planning... done before we bought & respective permission not worth it according to valuers! It’s therefore a bit unique and although very saleable, not on a par bedroom wise elsewhere. Hence me asking ExH if we can stay for now.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 10/12/2019 01:37

Work out properly whether you can afford to buy him out, and if you can, make him an offer.

There’s no point him buying you out if he won’t let the children live there with him, is there?

Legally, if neither of you agree to, or are able to, buy the other out, it will be sold on the open market.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 07:16

I just wondered if there was a way to stop that happening (being sold on the open market) as how awful is it that he would let that happen rather than allowing me to buy so the kids can stay in their home. He won’t have them if he buys. Could I just refuse to sell & let him take me to court?

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 10/12/2019 07:34

After 18 though they aren’t kids and you aren’t legally obliged to house them.
Maybe speak to your lawyer. But definitely speak to a financial advisor to figure out what you can afford to do.

SQLCat · 10/12/2019 07:38

It’s his son, surely he wants the best for him? You can say DS’s plans have changed and now unfortunately you are going to need to remain in the house until he finishes school.
That isn’t unreasonable.

lifeisgoodagain · 10/12/2019 07:49

You could go to court to get a variation but better that you sit down and talk - he is obliged help house his son until 18, however your student daughter could be asked to move out or pay rent. I'm in a similar situation except I want to move and him to house them - he's not keen either.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 08:07

@Clangus00 legally no but I’d never ask my child to leave, she is in no position to live elsewhere & Id rather sleep on a sofa than ask her to move out.

He is selfish and so is his girlfriend, it’s all about his wants and he has a thing about this house so I know if he can he’d not want me to buy it. I just want to stay here until DS finishes school for their benefit (he has anxiety and this would cause so much upset).

OP posts:

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 08:11

I did a diy online divorce but could go back for a variation. I can afford to buy him out but only when my OHs house sells which could be after June.

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 10/12/2019 09:57

Of course you wouldn’t throw your children out just because they turned 18, but you won’t be able to use that for “staying in the house” leverage. That’s what I was meaning.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 11:51

Ah ok! I can for the current 15 year old though. I’m so sad he can’t see it this way or at least let them live there if he bought it.

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 10/12/2019 12:06

You don't have to sell by June though. You could get (I think it's called) a mesher order, which grants you leave to stay in the home until the youngest child is 18, but you would need to speak to your solicitor. I'm not sure how that would work as you're already divorced.

MarieG10 · 10/12/2019 13:01

@SunsetYorks . Do you have a consent order? How is the agreement documented?

In reality, if you refuse to move out, it will rake two years to get through court and then sell the house at least but if he did do that you may have a lot of legs, costs if you didn't defend yourself.

Surely a responsible father is going to want to see his kids right if there isn't a realistic alternative?

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 14:06

I’m pretty certain Mesher orders don’t exist in Scotland where I am. Also don’t have a consent order as we don’t have these here either. The agreement simply says the house will be put up for sale in June 2020.

A responsible father yes but not this selfish one!!

I think I will just have to refuse if he says no and let him take me to court!!

OP posts:

LemonTT · 10/12/2019 17:31

I wouldn’t assume it will take 2 years for the court to force a sale or that he couldn’t ask for you to pay costs.

It’s obviously better for him to be bought out. You just need a definite plan to do this. You need your OH to confirm when he will sell. This is the real issue here and I doubt your ex will be sympathetic to having your problem passed onto him at his cost. Get your OH to sort his sale out.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 10/12/2019 17:36

My OH is trying to sell but can’t magic a buyer! It’s not really the issue, the issue is he will want to buy me out but not house the DC!

OP posts:

Clangus00 · 10/12/2019 19:12

I’m in Ayrshire and I never knew that. Sorry.

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 01/02/2020 21:45

I’m back! Only got an answer from him this week!

He wants to buy me out and is willing to house the DC, however in the meantime DC2 has failed some exams and is anxious. With exams coming up in May I really feels it’s not in their best interest to begin the conversation of who do you want to live with like Exh wants to have.

I suggested I stay on 2 years & sign something to say he can then buy it off me uncontested. He said no.

He then said he would buy in June & rent to me for a year. I said no. He would be a controlling, interfering landlord.

I then suggested Jan 2021, then can tell D.C. after exams & give them time to process. He said no.

My DP and I feel we have no choice but to attempt to buy. Not told exh this though.

Will we have to go to court? How likely am I to win?

OP posts:

BubblesBuddy · 01/02/2020 22:35

I think you need to try and get a variation to the financial settlement. If you can. I cannot think why there was an agreement in place which didn’t protect DS until he was 18. That would have been better advice. No child really knows what they want when they are a teen so why were his views taken as gospel? I think your solicitor was short sighted. Try and get another solicitor and negotiate. It’s all very unsettling and your ex probably wants the money from the house sale and you agreed to this!

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 01/02/2020 22:43

It was my short sited ness, did online divorce and my ex was being a nightmare and I just agreed to it to get him out the house as he was refusing to leave. Regret it so much now. He wants the house, has this thing about it!

OP posts:

blackhorses · 02/02/2020 15:44

Am I right in thinking your ex has taken 2 months-ish to reply to you? In which case I'd sit on his email for a couple of months before doing anything. Or if you think he'll get upset say you need some thinking time and that you'll come back to him. Use the time to get some legal advice, and to push any decision making until after your son's exams at least.
Could you afford to rent? Potentially you could use your profit from the house to buy something elsewhere which you could rent out, and then rent something for you and kids close to school with a view that you'd do that for 2 years until son gets to uni age. . .

Original poster

SunsetYorks · 02/02/2020 16:03

Yes he took 2 months!

I’m speaking to a solicitor tomorrow and mortgage advisor Thursday.

Rent around here is around £1200 for a three bed, whereas a mortgage would be much cheaper.

But.... your idea has potential.... will give it some thought!!

OP posts:

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