Applying for CAO

[Dadofdaughterhelp]

Hi all,

I am applying for a Child Arrangements Order as a last resort and have filled out the application form as best as I can but I am worried I havent included everything. I read online not to waffle and keep things to the point but it is so hard not to put in some of the stuff that has gone on between ex and myself without it coming across as bitter as I understand it wont look great. Just hard when ex has threatened to reduce contact with my daughter at every opportunity and I am scared that when it goes to Court a Judge won't have the complete picture of what my ex is like. I am dreading the whole thing tbh and just after some advice. I will be self representing as much as possible to keep costs down so that is making me anxious.

Sorry i am waffling again now. Just hoping someone has some advice about what to include in the application itself and their experience of going to Court.

Thanks

You can’t ask the Court for an order to make him have more contact.

Sorry I am the father. I didn’t want to waffle but we have a rota as I work shifts and we have followed that since we split four years ago. However ex has threatened to reduce contact saying I don’t want my daughter like I used to etc which is a load of rubbish. I pay maintenance and half of all other costs and never missed a beat. I do school runs, take to clubs, swimming, brownies basically as much as my ex does. I have offered mediation but she refuses. I can’t carry on with the threats she makes about reducing my contact with my daughter it has me on edge every time in case I go to pick her up and she refuses to hand over. I just want our arrangement legally binding so she can’t say these threats anymore. Hope that makes sense.

The application just needs to say briefly what the issue is. Then you’ll have a first hearing and the judge will decide what information they need, then a final hearing if you still can’t agree. Lots of people agree between themselves by negotiation before the judge has to decide.

If you criticise your ex for anything, focus on the child - how does it impact your daughter. Courts do not like he said she said waffle.

Ok. Thanks for replies.
I have suggested mediation and ex just scoffs at the idea and refuses to pay the money to sit down and sort it out now I am having to go to Court. I am so anxious about it all. Is there any chance the Court would ever reduce the contact I have with daughter now do u think? Even though daughter has been in same routine since me and ex split. This is what I am more nervous about. I have daughter 3 overnights a week always have done I don’t want to reduce this I just want ex to stop thinking she has all control and can make threats to stop me having daughter

Yes it’s possible the court could decide to reduce the time she spends with you.

Whilst it's possible it's not likely if her only argument is that she doesn't think you want to see her as much as before.

O dear that’s what has put me off applying sooner. I don’t want to risk losing any time with my daughter but I also can’t keep living with my mind on edge at my ex sayin she will stop me seeing my daughter. I have the certificate from the mediator that goes with the application it has 4 month expiry date thing for when I can apply. I don’t know why her to wait until after Xmas now scared of what ex will say if she gets anything from court and reacts badly

Has she actually ever stopped your contact? Court is very traumatic and sides do become entrenched and relationships can be damaged forever.

The application needs to be blunt and to the point. That is all that is needed at this stage.

At the first directions hearing, the judge will order statements are made if necessary. That is when you can put forward your case. I think the only thing is that she has not stopped contact has she? You are worried about something that might happen. However I can see that being anxious all the time is no good for you or the children.

Believe me, she will not be happy to get court papers prior to Christmas. Do you think this is all hot air? After all, I would have been really happy to have someone who does the running around for clubs, school runs etc. Three overnights a week is a lot though. It is essentially a shared care situation.

I do wonder if you are paying child support that she is trying to cut your time because she may realise that you could reduce this, particularly when you have a court order as proof of your time with your dd. CMS use such orders as proof.

I do wonder why she would cut off her nose to spite her face if what you have said is correct.

Hi elsiemc, thanks for your response.

She has never actually stopped contact because I think she knows I would absolutely go to Court. When I requested mediation and the mediator rang her she completely changed her tune after and wanted to meet up between us to sort it rather than pay for mediation. We got to a point where things were amicable then every so often she will start an argument about something minor and say she would reduce contact. Even though she has never gone through with it and so far it’s all words I still don’t think it is right it is a control thing for her and meanwhile I am an anxious mess wondering whether this time she means it.
Mi genuinely don’t think she would ever go through with cutting contact, daughter has had this routine for far too long and I can hand on heart say we are really close and ex knows that too. It has always been 3 overnights a week as I work shifts so I have daughter every day I’m not working.
Sorry for long post just wanted to get it all out. I don’t want to apply tk Court before Christmas and cause tensions but I am sick of the control games from her.