Xhusband is saying he wants us to go through mediation to help us agree. We split 6 years ago and have two children together, I tried to get him to attend then when we couldn't agree on things. He ignored letters so it never happened. His GF helped visits were arranged and CM was set up. Initially he wanted me to send him something like an invoice for any money I needed for the kids. He refused to leave my home, was intimidating me, watching the house, finding out information he couldn't have know otherwise. I spoke to the police after not knowing what else to do and he admitted something extremely minor that he didnt expect could get him into trouble so I believe he was cautioned, I know he has to declare this when making job application as he has regularly points out I have ruined career opportunities.
The kids have regularly refused to go, we have tried various things. From days out with all of us to leaving them screaming and sobbing and trying to run back to me.
Recently I had a call on his weekend to come and collect DD (8) she had become completely distraught, couldn't verbalize anything other than wanting me. Wouldn't be near or have anything to do with Dad. GF tried to calm her, but decided it was best to call me to collect. DD has SEN and issues with emotional regulation. I didn't collect DS at the same time and was not allowed to see him. Dd did not want me to speak to XH and could not verbalize anything to me until much later during the night. Once DS was home it was clear he wasnt happy either. Various things had happened and been said, unkind comments, jokes that are unkind and not amusing, "you dont love me" said to DD, DD terrified that I'll speak to him and she will then have to speak to him about what's been said. I have spoken to him, he says they are conspiring against him, if they can tell lies like that at this age (8&6) then he is seriously concerned at what other lies they're going to start telling, he says I am pandering to them by believing them and I'm making everything much worse. They have refused to even speak to him on the phone for 2 months, only a few occasions have been attempted. I am not comfortable pushing the issues as my DD reactions to this are complete devastation. He arrived at our door with a gift for them both, she ran and hid when she saw it was him. DS has now spoken to him on the phone, he then wanted to see him so after him first refusing XH took him out for an hour. DS has been asking to spend time with him and his brother so I have tried to arrange this but he says he will not do so until I make them sit down and speak with us both. He says he wants to ask them why they are telling lies about him. I have said I will sit down and speak with him and DS is willing to, he says he will just tell Daddy he is the one lying and he needs to say sorry to him. But he is desperate for time with his brother. Dd completely breaks down at the mention of seeing him.
He has said he will be organising mediation as this can't continue. I have said ok but I the meantime he has a son who would like to see him. I have been ignored. I have a DS begging me to contact him so he can see XH and a DD terrified if she even sees a car similar to his.
Would mediation even be able to help in this situation? I can't force my daughter to speak on the phone, and the way she is reacting I am very scared I will damage her by forcing any contact right now.
I don't really know what to do next. Do I just wait to be contacted for mediation? Do I keep informing XH son is asking to see him?
I apologise if this is a bit rambled.