Giving up parental rights and adoption

[Namechange909]

Long time poster on here so NC for this.

I am pregnant and I’m not 100% sure of the father. Quick backstory is myself and my long term partner split up I slept with someone else then got back together with long term partner and slept with him and this was over the course of say 2 weeks and I conceived over this time frame. In my heart of hearts I think my baby is the other guys.

Anyway, other guy hasn’t been in touch which I’m not upset about at all as my partner has said he will accept the child as his own and we will raise together. Not as simple as that realistically as I still need to speak to other guy to see how the land lies. Kind of hoping he doesn’t want to be there for the baby as he has his own life and a nearly grown up daughter, likes to have his weekends to himself either with his child or out in the pub and it’s been this way for him for many years so I’m hoping that he won’t want to start all over again with dirty nappies and night feeds. He also hasn’t told his own mother about the situation which I’m hoping is another arrow pointing to he doesn’t want to be there. I know this because my father is friends with his mum.

Anyway, been speaking to a friend who has said the best way to go around this is to ask him to sign over his parental responsibility and then have my partner adopt my baby then he can go on my baby’s birth certificate and everything will be above board, rather than just putting my partner on the certificate.

I’ve done some googling but I’m not quite sure on how to get the process started. Do I wait till the baby is here? Should I contact other guy now and advise of my intentions? Do I go straight to a solicitor and have a letter sent to other guy?

Also how do I go about my partner adopting my baby?

Setting aside the moral aspect, you can put your partner as the father when you register the birth and he will legally be viewed as the father. The other guy only has PR of you register him as the father or he gains it via court.

But if I knowingly put someone who isn’t the father on the certificate I can go to prison

Leave it blank then because ex would have to sign the birth certificate to get parental rights and sign the adoption papers to give it up again

Heard of any way man going to prison for this?

You don’t know the other man is the father without a DNA test, baby born looking just like him etc.

He doesn’t sound that bothered.

Any woman!

You won't go to prison. There is a good chance your partner is the father. Only a DNA test would verify. The other guy only becomes the father or gains PR when you register the birth. He doesn't get it automatically. He would need to go to court to obtain PR if he doesn't come to register the birth with you.

You don't know who the father is, so you wouldn't go to prison.

What you do have a partner who is willing to step up incase he is the father.

Don't do anything to rock that, don't go chasing drama.

I think the child has a right to know who his or her biological father is from the start, even if it isn’t the dad who brings them up with you. I would go down the path of dna testing and ensure the birth certificate is blank if it’s not your dp, and that you do tell the child an age appropriate bit about who the biological father is so they never remember not knowing. Like any modern day adoption situation. I would seek advice legally on proceeding with a formal adoption for your dp.

Well no I haven’t heard of anyone going to prison and I bet lots of people do it but I’d like it to all be above board personally.

Would I be able to start an adoption process for my partner if I had no father named on the birth certificate?

Woman was jailed last month:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7477527/amp/Mother-30-jailed-lying-babys-father-birth-certificate.html

I think you would need to involve the bio father if it is brief affair man. That would be lying to say you didn’t know who it was if dna showed it wasn’t your dp.

Someone in my wider family recently discovered her father isn’t the father of her siblings through dna testing you can do to explore your heritage. It has been deeply traumatic. No one knows who knew and her mum is no longer alive. She can’t discuss it with her dad in case he didn’t know (I’m almost sure he does but has always loved her as a daughter). She really wants to know now who he was and it has become a rather fruitless obsession. I do think these truths come out in the wash these days because of better and better dna profiling. That’s why I’d be honest from the start.

I cannot believe people are telling you to lie!!!

Register the baby yourself with no father. In due course get DNA testing if the other man is the biological father then you explore adoption route.

Faced with paying maintenance or giving the baby up for adoption he will hopefully choose the latter.

Or your current partner may be the biological father anyway in which case he can add his name to the birth certificate.

well Yeah each to their own about being honest from the start and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it or feel it’s appropriate but at this minute in time, I want to be in the know about this sort of thing and have it all above board as there’s no way I’m risking 6 months imprisonment.

I have contact CAB who have said he can’t sign over PR if he isn’t on the certificate as it’s not automatically given to fathers and I can start an adoption process if I so desired, but I wouldn’t start it behind the other guys back, but in the same breath I want it to be done properly so that in 5 years time he can’t come into our lives and say I want to be a dad as the decisions are made and done legally and properly

Have you even considered your child’s right to know and have a relationship with it’s biological father?

Get your current partner DNA tested you might be ok

The birth certificate is a legal document that really is the childs so I wouldn't lie on it

In 5 years time your current partner could bugger off claim he isnt the childs father and petition the court for removing it off the birth certificate in 5 years time he could be an abuser who would use the child which might not even be his to continue abuse

You never know how things will turn out register your child alone dna test for the rest you can add him on after if needed

Why’s it being put on me? Have I considered? Would it still be my consideration if the father doesn’t get in touch?

Of course I’ve considered it but in all realistically likeliness the other guy doesn’t want to be there and I’m happy with that. Ecstatic even.

I want my baby to have a name on the birth certificate and to have my partners last name. Which will fall in line with my partners two children.

Fingers crossed I’m obsessing over nothing but I’ve looked into step parent adoption so that may be the route for me.

Register the baby yourself with no father. In due course get DNA testing if the other man is the biological father then you explore adoption route.

This. You don’t need to worry about this until the baby is born.

When baby is born get a DNA test and find out if your partner is the father or not. This should take about a week.

Then register the birth - you have 6 weeks to do this, so 5 after finding out from the DNA test..

I believe you can test paternity during pregnant. However I don't know if there are risks

You can put whatever name you like on the birth certificate- your baby can have your partners last name anyway.
You can call a baby 'Blue Sky' if you want!

I think you're at risk of 'running to meet trouble'. You want this baby? And you have a partner who will take the role on as daddy?
Then take it a stage at a time. 1. Have baby 2. Have dna test 3. If he us the daddy. Yay!! 4. If not, talk to your partner about what to do. You don't have to do anything at this stage.
Or alternatively speak to possible dad & put the scenario to him ref: if he's the dad. If he's not showing interest suggest that he puts in writing via a solicitor that he's happy to sign his parental rights away (this may not be valid until baby is born & would dlso be double checked at the point of a step parent adoption by a social worker).

IF this other -not-very-interested possible dad turns out to be the dad you have several choices. 1. Tell him & offer for him to see your baby to let your baby know who their daddy is. 2. Tell him but explain that due to your family situation you think its better for your baby not to see him 3. Offer that he plays a 'distant' role (you could send card/photos etc).
Just to say that if an absent parent does want to see their child its not really that easy to remove parental rights of the child. So unless the dad says he wants no part of the child's life (or he is really bad news - criminal etc) a step parent adoption may not be granted. Its because it is the child's right to maintain a relationship with both parents. But this wouldn't be until after said child is born.
I understand why you want to sort this before your baby is born. But try for the sake of your health to relax.

Have the baby and get the dna done ASAP,

If the other man is the father then register the baby in your name without naming a father.
Then your partner can apply to adopt the child.
For gods sake don’t lie on the birth certificate and don’t rush into giving the baby your partners name,
When the child is born your partner might feel differently , might have a change of heart. Maybe he won’t be able to deal with the reality of the child not being his.
Have the dna year and go from there. But don’t rush into anything. You can change the child’s name as soon as the adoption goes through.

My birth certificate didn’t have the fathers name on it. My now dad adopted me when I was about 7/8. Think they changed my name officially at the time too, though I’d always been known by his name throughout school etc as my mum met him when I was about 2.

Just take your time xx

How will you feel in the future if your DP adopts the baby but you subsequently split up?

Any intention of getting married? I think the rules about PR and who can be in the birth certificate are different if you are married?

How sure are you, heart of hearts, that your relationship will last? You are thinking and working very hard to ensure your DP has Dad status, lovely of him of course, but are you doing it to keep him, iyswim?

How many people have you discussed this with? You already have your friend who will know something about your child’s life...who else? You can’t have people knowing something like that about your child when they themselves don’t know (once they are of an age). It will come out, and it is s betrayal.

I've only read the first few replies(so I'm possibly jumping the gun but these responses telling you just to register your partner has given me proper rage!) but please do not put your partner as babies father unless you have done a DNA test and are 100% sure. I am 34 years of age with someone who I am NC with as the father on my birth certificate and no clue how to get in touch with my biological dad. I was lied to about all of this for the first ten years of my life and for me to 'fix' my birth certificate is going to cost in the region of £2k(Scotland) so please please do not do this to your child.