Hi all.
I am after some help and am going to have to be careful what I post as chances are my ex or her lawyer or both may read this.
I am a Dad and ex husband. First off I don’t and never have claimed to be a perfect husband. We were together a long time and had two wonderful children together. Lots of stress in the marriage and although we had a lovely family life the adult relationship was dead and ultimately my ex wife walked and took the children without any discussion.
I was at fault in parts, but let’s just say “it takes two to tango”
Ever since she has actively tried to block all my contact with my kids. Allegations of domestic abuse (unproven and unfounded) emotional abuse towards her (proven at fact finding, but again, while I accept my contribution to the breakup there appears to be no consideration from anyone that it was a joint effort) allegations of EA towards children (unproven, and unfounded).
I want 50/50 care. My kids have always told all professionals concerned they want 50/50 care. SS did a full assessment and recommended 50/50 care well over a year ago.
Meantime my ex “allows” contact a couple of times a week while she works and to suit her. In over two years I haven’t been “allowed” a single bit of contact outside the two time blocks I get a week, apart from two hours last Christmas Day”
No additional time in school holidays none at easter my birthday Father’s Day kids birthdays etc etc. No additional contact with my parents or the rest of the extended family who the kids love dearly.
I keep taking it back to court and we keep being told that “both parents should be encouraging and facilitating additional contact in line with the children’s wishes” yet every time the court won’t actually order an increase as her shit hot legal aid funded lawyer comes up with another barrier or hoop that I have to jump through. The latest being that the fact that my 12 year old son is so vocal to all concerned that he wants to see more of me suggests that possibly I am manipulating him and he is scared of me. So now, he and I both need further Phycological assessments which his mum wants to see the results of before she will “consider” increasing contact. These won’t be complete until March, and like the whole court process so far are costing me a fortune. No one seems brave enough to accept that actually a young adult loves and wants to see his Dad.
Meantime she and her family have full access to the kids and are slowly poisoning them against me, saying I don’t see them as I don’t want to. I have been expressly forbidden by court from discussing with the kids that actually I love them dearly and want to see as much of them as possible but am being prevented from doing so by their MUm.
I can’t afford to fight this any more, and if I halt the legal process have been told she will apply for another no contact order. I can’t fight that again. Her lawyer is too good and I am nearly bankrupt trying to fight it (the fact that I am having to move to a smaller home to fund costs so far will no doubt be used against me re contact)
What the hell am I meant to do. It’s been three years and the kids are drifting away from me. My daughter (8) has been told I don’t love her and I haven’t even been allowed to speak to her for three months. My son (12) still comes when he is slowed and we have a brilliant time, but I am completely shut out of both of their lives other than his brief visits each week (unless he has something else on, in which case she just doesn’t send him or offer an alternative)
I have real concerns about their Mums mental health and her motives for wanting to completely shut me out of their lives, but it doesn’t appear there is anything I can do? I really fear I am going to end up in the same situation as the father in this article.
Any advice? Please? This is breaking me, and I can see the harm it is doing to my children.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7604799/Judge-apologises-father-bans-seeing-children.html
Thanks