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Legal matters

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Original poster

Social services, child contact whole big mess actually!!

21 replies

InvisibleToEveryone · 29/10/2019 19:40

Ok,
I want to make this short, probably won't be and I'm getting most info second hand, hence why I'm after more experienced opinions please.

Mary had a baby 2 years ago, there was some doubt about who the father was.
She put current bf (simon) on the BC against advice but apparently he made her ans gave baby his surname (stupid girl)

10 months after birth the relationship is really not good (DV by both to each other ), Mary says she's tried to overdose, baby comes to me over "father".
Social services chose me over Simon. ( I am not family)

After 10 days baby and Mary go to Mary's mother's for a while.

Mary gets a new bf and gets pg, pg is ectopic, she has to go for surgery, this time baby goes to Simon.

Since then simon has refused to return baby to mary, there are no court orders or anything in place.
NO ONE has been to court at all .

He allows mary limited contact, one day a fortnight and no overnight at all.

Simon has done a private DNA test, he is NOT babys bio father (which I suspects from the off).
Simon has plastered this information all over social media.
Saying hes devastated and babys real family need to step up and look after baby.....
Yet he still won't allow mary to take baby. Or have more contact.

We've told mary to get her own proper court DNA done and to remove simon from the birth certificate, he then loses his parental rights (is this correct?)
And then he has no recourse to stop her getting baby. (Again is this correct?)

Mary is saying that whatever she does SS are saying simon must have indefinite contact with baby and that the current sw is working against mary .
Even though bio father is more than keen for contact and is trying for this but Simon is blocking every attempt.

Now I'm not saying any of the social services stuff is accurate just what mary has relayed to me, i personally do not think she is trying hard enough and is blame passing .
But keep that to myself .

I want to know that if there is a "clash of personality) between mary and the sw can she request someone else?
Mary feels the sw doesn't like her so isn't helping her .

And can SS demand that simon must have contact forever basically? If Mary ever gets baby back?

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 29/10/2019 19:46

If the baby is with Simon that's the status quo. Is he saying to SS he no longer wishes to care for the baby?

IShitGlitter · 29/10/2019 19:46

Surely if hes not the dad she can ring the police it's not his child

Original poster

InvisibleToEveryone · 29/10/2019 19:49

I feel hes keeping baby to punish mary.

Problem is hes on the birth certificate because he wouldn't allow her to go without him.

I get the status quo thing but can SS demand that he must have contact even if he is removed from the BC and mary gets full custody again (I know its not the right word but cant think )

OP posts:

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 29/10/2019 19:53

I know if the child is older it is seen as best for the child to continue a relationship with his “father”. He could get access through court if the child was, say 10.
If the child is 1 I doubt this would happen. Would he even try that hard if it’s not his child? X

PotteringAlong · 29/10/2019 19:56

How old is the baby? How long have they lived with Simon?

Original poster

InvisibleToEveryone · 29/10/2019 20:00

Baby is 2 been with Simon 1year.

Hes put all over social media that hes not baby bio family and Mary must step up and take her ..... but he won't let her.
The dna test was done 6-7 months ago.
If anything hes restricted mary more since.

OP posts:

Lonecatwithkitten · 29/10/2019 20:05

Mary needs to get a solicitor to give her advice and to go to court to get the whole sorry mess sorted.

Original poster

InvisibleToEveryone · 29/10/2019 20:21

Yes that is my advice too, but she's a young mum on benefits. who should not have had a baby in the first place

Would she get anh financial help?

To be honest, I wish baby had gone to foster care instead of me and neither of the stupid "parents" had them.

OP posts:

carly2803 · 29/10/2019 21:01

wtf- mary needs to stop handing the baby back?!keepthe child and go to court to self represent

as a mother, no child of mine would ever be kept away from me and id move moutains to get my child back!!!

Hepzibar · 29/10/2019 21:20

What is best for the child?

BubblesBuddy · 30/10/2019 00:58

Do you really think this baby is safe? Go back to Social Services immediately. Tell them where the baby is and that it’s not with either parent. Explain about the birth certificate. This is coercive behaviour towards Mary. Mary needs legal advice but SS must be involved now you no longer have the baby. You must do the right thing for the child. You all sound bonkers to me - and are putting the child at risk.

RosesAndLilies · 30/10/2019 01:48

The poor child! They have been passed about so much in 2 years.

There are numerous red flags here so it doesn't sound like anyone has had the child's best interests at heart.

What Mary is telling you makes no sense at all. She has been giving her child back fortnightly for a year!? At no time has she reached out and gotten professional advice and is leaving it up to you to look into this. I can't help but read between the lines that she doesn't want the child full time and you care more than she does.

NameChangedNoImagination · 30/10/2019 01:52

Different baby.

Gingerkittykat · 30/10/2019 02:23

I have no idea how easy it is to remove a father from the birth certificate, especially as he has acted as a father figure for two years.

I'm assuming the social workers have allowed the baby to live with Simon so they see him as a better choice than Mary. Is there a reason the social workers are against her?

DangerMouse17 · 30/10/2019 02:30

Well surely next time she gets contact sometime in next fortnight, she should not give baby back..given he is not the father. Them get him off BC on that basis?

differentnameforthis · 30/10/2019 04:49

@NameChangedNoImagination Different baby

nah, same baby.

baby comes to me over "father"... ( I am not family) After 10 days baby and Mary go to Mary's mother's for a while.

That sounds like the same baby to me.

So social services put the baby into your care? Why? You then let the baby go to it’s messed up Mum and non Dad (both of whom are violent) but you didn’t think to contact Social Services? Are you mad? Nice judgemental post there, @BubblesBuddy. Op has no power to stop SS moving the child from her care.

BubblesBuddy · 30/10/2019 20:50

SS places the baby with the OP. We still don’t know why. However there was no further SS intervention to remove baby from
OP. Given the parents issues, I would have contacted SS before giving the baby back. Why wasn’t Mary and baby at the mum’s in the first place? Why was the baby with the OP? It’s this baby that should be at the heart of this.

CupoTeap · 31/10/2019 06:18

Does she actuateant the baby back?

CupoTeap · 31/10/2019 06:19

*actually

user1493413286 · 31/10/2019 06:31

Social services can’t say that Simon has contact with the baby unless the local authority has a care order and holds PR. If Mary goes to court then social services may recommend that Simon continues to have contact then the courts may order this but they’d have to justify why.
If he’s been one of Mary’s primary care givers I can see the argument for some contact to be ongoing.
Essentially Mary needs to go to court ASAP, the longer the baby is with him the harder it will be to move the baby.

RedHelenB · 31/10/2019 19:12

To all intents and purposes he is the child father and has stepped up to the role. One for the courts to decide

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